dont.look.up.

sometimes. you might get to the point where you just need some time to be selfish. where there's been a lot going on, and you're in the middle of something else, and something is presented to you as an opportunity to shine and do good. and ya just don't want to.

I've been having a number of those lately, but my inner self starts screaming so loudly at me, that I have to give in, because there's just no peace in it.

take yesterday. I'm at work. I'm supporting someone working in the town hall. But, he's at the "phase out" point in his job. I do check ins on him every 15 mins right now.. not nearly enough time to go back to the office, or accomplish anything. so, I sit. and read. or more recently, write.

The front lobby of the town hall is this huge echoing space, lined with benches. I plunk myself onto one, and pull out my day timer to look up something. A woman creeps into the building, pushing her walker... and in this giant empty room... sits so close to me I have to move over - she's nearly on my lap.

don't look up.
don't make eye contact
keep flipping thru
the
day
timer
don't
do
it
crap.

I sit for the next 15 mins. I say maybe 3 words the entire time. I hear the same two stories told three times. inaconstantflowofwordsandnotonebreathistakenandidon'tknowifthiswomanhastalkedtoanyoneyettodayorifi'mthefirst....

sheesh.

pomegranates and butter tarts

pomegranates.
I was sure I was getting kicked out of the library today because of pomegranates.

This afternoon I worked a placement at the public library in Happytown. Hope Town. The P-dot. I'm supporting two individuals who want to learn how to use the library better, more independently. SO, I teach them how to use things there. Today, we spent about ten minutes just learning how to use, and then practicing, the bar code scanner for the library cards.... pretty funny stuff. I get my people set up online, and they are both working on emails to their sisters.
And then... along comes Babba.
Babba... aka Pader, aka... many other names.... is one of Happytown's most awesome characters. I'd love to write about him... but I'm afraid I wouldn't do him justice. He's lovely. And he's a little rough around the edges. And sometimes a little crude. Ok, sometimes really crude. But cares about people. And even though some of the most shocking things come out of his mouth- it is for shock, and sometimes to draw you away from the truth about something else he's touched on... but one of the nicest guys. He'll do anything.. for anyone.
Anyway. Babba finds me in the Library.
Babba- My Friend Marie! (he always calls me by my middle name) I have got something for you today, I brought it. I thought I would see you. You go for a smoke?
Me- Sorry Babba, I don't smoke. I try very hard not to smoke.
B- oh. oh. ok, we go to the stacks.
M- ?
B- here, here by the books, I want to film you.
M- um.. no. (laughing)
B- What? you scared?
M- Yes. I'm scared. it's my first time. (note: you can't help but be just as crude right back)
B- (laughing) I've got you a Pomegranates, like in my video, with my grandson, I teach you to eat it right. just a leetle bite, then you suck the juice and ... MAMA!
M- (still laughing) you have contraband items in the library Babba.
B- come here....

so now we're hiding in the video section. One of Babba's friends is giving him the stink eye, but laughing from across the room. Babba is trying to teach me how to squish the Pomegranate, and bite the tiniest hole in it... there's a pretty funny language barrier thing going on thru this whole section... and Babba seems to be worried I'm going to mess the library up... or my shirt... and tries to give me a map book to use as a bib. I manage to get the map book away from him.
But by this point, I'm nearly hyperventilating trying not to laugh loudly. Stink eye- from across the room is laughing pretty hard now. Babba doesn't even try to be quiet... the loud stage whisper he's using to speak to me with can be heard all the way to the front desk.

eventually, I find out it's got to be the most tiny hole, just nipped... and that I've got to be careful because it will explode.. but I can't seem to bite it because it's so soft, it's bending away from my teeth... I get this tiny spot ripped, but not all the way through.... and Babba starts squeezing the pom... it explodes. Thankfully, mostly into my mouth and not all over the carpet.

Babba giggles and runs off to charm the woman at the front desk.
Thankfully it works, and there's not even a hint of anger over the food, juice, noise.
sheesh.

M- you probably should have been filming that
B- I know. it was going to be a great movie.

weekend escape to your roots?

The second annual Naptown Scarecrow fest was this weekend, so I decided to make it tradition by driving down the highway and crashing on Toto's couch.... this year however, I managed to avoid working in the local coffee shop (last year was a case of poor timing on my part- though, I did have a lot of fun).

Music, cows, scarecrows, shopping, horses, pumpkins, shopping, visits with old friends, making new friends, shopping, taking my time.

I needed to remove myself from home for awhile. And it worked out just fine...

Best parts of the day had to have been the moments that reminded me how small (but lovely) Naptown really is... I was sitting in the coffee shop, deciding if it was time to have lunch, when a woman walked in. She called out to TimSheff and asked if his sister had been in yet. He yelled back that he hadn't. Then she called out "did elbow show up?" (but used my name obviously) he looked at her funny, then pointed at me. I had no idea who she was.

She's still on the far side of the shop at this point.... and calls out asking me a question about something I'd done the day before....

a little later on...

I'm in a shop, the salesgirl recognizes me as someone who's been in the shop in the past, and remembers that I'm from out of town... and proceeds to tell me about the three new shops in town that I need to go visit....

So... I go visit the first one... and the lady behind the counter starts chatting with me (I was going to say "at me" but.. I was involved in the conversation, I didn't shut it down). Anyway, I eventually make a purchase, and the woman behind the counter says "now honey, every sale comes with a hug!" and comes out from behind the counter and gives me a great big bear hug! "thanks for the conversation!" she hollers as I walk out the door....

lol.. too funny.

2.5 > 1.5

easy math.

I'm back to running. After countless injuries and ailments, I've decided- the pain is worth it, I'm turning into a giant sloth otherwise.

So, last injury was over 5 weeks ago (poor little ankle, will you ever be whole?) I took some Advil profolacticly, and hit the street.

hahahhahaha!!! whew! that was funny.

In my mind, I'm right where I left off, 5 km? easy peasy!

no.

I wanted to cry by block number 2.

I gave up a little over 1km

Tonight, on my way home from the bank, poor little ankle decided to turn again.

Thank you sidewalk.

However, other than me nearly crashing to the ground (there was a building I was able to fall into instead) and the SEARING pain for about 5 mins... my ankle's better than it's been in weeks... I don't know if I knocked something into place? slid a tendon back to where it belongs? Stretched something on the other side of it?

who knows...

Either way, I was able to drag my butt 2.5 km tonight, no crying.

ya!

9/12

three days left in this stretch of shifts...
mantra, there's a good cause, there's a good cause...

During the Spring and summer, when I took some time off from job number 2 (I took a 5 month leave of absence to regain my sanity) I was so surprised at how short the work week was. I'd NEVER (read: in my 16 years of working) had weekends off.
I had no idea that breaks came so quickly... it was a whole new world! just when you get into the rhythm of being at work.. you have a weekend!
Now that I'm back to the 12 day stretches between weekends, I'm back to my time being spent.
When you have every weekend off, you can choose to do things on the weekend.. but you can also choose to do it the NEXT weekend.
When you're working every other- things get booked. Till there is no weekend.

that said... I'm booking an escape weekend for this coming Saturday... I'm excited.

ok, that'll be my last "work is a lot" post now. I've chosen to go this route.

wiiiiindy

today I was glad I wasn't an old tree.

Mac attack

it appears that the neighbourhood just got more awesome. Yet another amazing family moved onto the street. I have visions of street parties, campfires, good times. oh, wait.. those already happen.

The bunnies are excited that they've moved in too... 'Touf is in love with their kids, and FynnPants is from their first litter..

what's new?
I'm increasingly frustrated that I don't own my home. I figure I should at least attain one of the "normal" milestones in life that my peer group has set, and at this point I'm fixating on this one.
sheesh.
problems with this...
1) since when do I care about milestones?
2) since when do the people I went to highschool with count as my "peer group"?
3) houses are expensive... a puppy would be cheaper... and much more entertaining
4) I think it's signalling a midlife crisis.

if someone would like to give me a winning lotto ticket, or a farm... it would be much appreciated.
I'm going to go sort some worms.

back to it all

well, it's official, I'm back to my 2nd job. *sigh*

I'm really hopeful I'll find the rhythm to it all again... right now, it's not happening.

it's 10:20pm on a Saturday night and all I want to do is crawl into bed.

how awesome is that?

Bed in 40 mins.

I decided to start a batch of bread a little too late in the evening.

Sweeney

A few years ago, I headed to a community theatre production of Sweeney Todd, and fell in love with the show. There were some musical pieces in it that I just loved loved loved... and well, quite a few that sucked. Ok, more than a few. But the potential was there.
It has some seriously challenging pieces... last year, I got to see the movie, and wasn't as impressed, they'd cut quite a few pieces out, and the singing wasn't spectacular.
It's so hard to get a good balance, people who can sing, and people who can act.
I'm not an actor.
I know I can sing a little, and I'm proud of that...

So, I'm excited to say, I'm part of the chorus for the 'Umberland Players production of Sweeney Todd!

I'm doubly excited about the chorus, because I know there's some really challenging bits in there that I'm pumped to have a go at.... annnnnd, I nearly didn't try out for this show, as I didn't want to have the huge time commitment (that last year's show required- when all the cast are on stage for the entire show!). So, as much fun as it would have been to play the part of the beggar lady (which I did try out for) I'm relieved not to be her.
I'm just processing all this right now, but I really feel like I held back at the call-backs too... especially after seeing the calibre of the people at the first audition, I felt like it was a joke that I was trying out for a part.... which is totally fine, "you don't know what you don't know" and I think that going into the audition, I was thinking of last year's cast, and how we would operate for this play... not knowing that 75% of the people at the first audition were totally new to me, if not to Players...

Late September

I'm not sure where the days are getting to.

A dear friend said right after the festival something about "leaving real life to face the illusion". I don't know if that makes as much sense to others... it fits so well when you start thinking about community ... real community- and comparing it to our day to day.

Spending a lot of time reading old journals, finding old songs that I've forgotten melodies to. Wondering what it was that made me write them...

there's a lot of disappointment ruining your days
things not turning up
only dredging lower than that point you never figured you'd see
bumping your head on the lowest beam
lower
and it's dank like the basement
when you thought you had the moment
or the choice or the chance
and it wasn't
the last thing you want to hear
are the words from that hallmark
even if they're true
you'd rather be
lower
just for now