time to stop

I've been watching errr... bingeing on netflix again.
My boss decided I needed some time off, after the ice storm and Christmas I was heading into my 10th day of working straight and the stress levels weren't going down by much... So, day one of my two day vacation consisted of nearly an entire season of Dawson's Creek.

So much teen angst.

I'm talking in circles in my own head now. Using the biggest words and worst clichés to narrate my life.

It's time to stop.

Time instead to gather up materials for the 6th annual collage party.

Dear 2014, what will you be? 

weeping with laughter, joy, and a longing.

I stayed up way past my bedtime last night.
I made the mistake of clicking to read all posts with the label "GTI" and relived years of frustration and joy... then I headed over to "the figurehead's" blog and read the entire thing.
The ENTIRE thing.

"The Figurehead" was a part-joking title one of our team members received in the early years at GTI, back when we were still just GTI.

A quick recap- "GTI" was a group of people that became friends and put on a dinner weekly at the local residential hotel (made up of those who lived there and those who don't.... not "us" and "them"). We had church. We had breakfasts. We walked beside eachother. I learned so so so much about people and relationships there.

Things have changed over the years. Not for the worse. Just changed. And big parts of it are better- more streamlined... heading somewhere Big. But in the move to that somewhere Big, and because of other forces... a portion of what GTI was has been lost. And again... it's not bad that it's been lost. It's a different incarnation. And more people are being reached by more services.

And I don't miss being strapped for cash and spending my grocery money trying to help feed 45 people. I don't miss the days when I was working 80+ hours and trying to fit in time to make 10lbs of scalloped potatoes. I don't miss my car smelling a little like puke and smoke and cats. I don't miss sitting in a freezing room with no bathroom for hours.

But I miss my friends at the motel.
I miss the raccoons, the euchre, the mice, the conversations, the adventures, the laughter, the trying to make it work, the smelly carpet, the long buffet table, the long eating tables, the chairs that fell over on their own, the fuses that burnt out, the draft, the warmth, and the friendships that came from dealing with those weird bits.

Click here to read some bits and pieces I wrote...

Click here to read the Figurehead's blog (I hope some day she publishes it)


I've got to go do some thinking.

really?

I remember the date that I was first allowed to use a pen in class to write with. September 6th 1985... It was a friday. It was a big deal. I think I've written here before about how it was my "default date" for a long time... the date I'd write at the top of the page if I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing.

Big kids got to use pens.
Big kids in grade three.
Pencils were for babies

I'm in my 30's now... and I cant find a freakin' pencil in my house for the life of me... I need a pencil! How else am I suppose to do this puzzle book?

Jeepers

Rehash Wednesday

It is still Wednesday isn't it?

Let's have a long one to make up for my lack of posting this week:

                          THURSDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2004

Round the Mountain we must go, OR, Under the Mango Tree

I think I was suppose to write about the trip up from Lome in this post, but then I went to church up North, and I’ve decided I’d rather tell you all about that. Besides, The trip up from Lome was mostly stories about the mountain pass that we travelled, and we had more mountains to travel over to get to church last Sunday.

Grab something to drink and settle in, this will be a long post!

Marv’s mom passed away last Saturday night. He was able to be there with his family, so that’s really good; He should be coming back to Togo next weekend (the 23rd?). I know the whole family will be glad to have him back; it’s been rough on all of them.
Edith came and told me on Sunday morning that she and the kids wouldn’t be going to church that morning (they were pretty upset from the news), so our previous plans for church on the mountain were going to be put on hold. Dave, the missionary that took Lisa and I out to the village last week, is quite involved in a church at the top of the mountain, and we were going to hike up as a group. Rather than go up on my own with Dave, I went to church with the Crocker family. The Crocker’s are Southern Baptist missionaries who are involved with some pretty serious church planting initiatives. God has really opened up some amazing doors for John and Susana and their 4 kids. SOOOO…. North we went, wow. Really, I can’t even begin to describe what this place looks like, the mountains… the villages, the people… life happening everywhere. I just hope that my pictures will do it some justice.

We drove for about an hour until we reached a point where we had to cross the mountains, (out of the bowl!) The cliffs on either side of us… we had to pull over once because a truck had passed so close and so fast it had knocked the chairs (tied to the roof rack) off balance. … Then came the part where we started to come DOWN the mountain.

Oh, better let you know about the traffic signals… turn your right blinker on if it’s not safe to pass, turn your left one on if it is… and if there’s clumps of dirt or branches on the road spaced evenly and slowly pushing you into the oncoming traffic, it means either there’s a broken truck around that blind corner/rise in front of you… or a wreck, and usually you can tell from the colour of the smoke. Wrecks happen CONSTANTLY; people overload their already dilapidated trucks WELL beyond the point of safe, seriously, I’m talking transport trucks loaded, then a second full load tied to the top… and not tied well. Anytime we take the main road out of town there’s a truck on it’s side, it’s load spilled and a crowd gathering trying to salvage the load. And that’s on the flat part of the road! On the mountain passes there’ll be part of a truck at the side of the road… the other part has fallen over the edge. Parts of the pass ride along the side of a rock face, this is BLACK from smoke, trucks and other unlucky vehicles that have crashed into it. And this is the two-lane section!!!!!!

Ok, down the mountain we must go, but first there’s this sign. Roughly translated it says “stop, look before you descend, 10% grade, drive slowly, sharp turn” THEN it had a picture of a truck out of control going down a hill, with the 10% under the truck and at the bottom of the hill a skull and crossbones! AS IF!

Along the road all the way down were chunks of trucks, too big to tow away, or too damaged to be of any use. We passed a slight turn in the road to the left (the road was pretty narrow at this point, edge of the cliff to the left, rock face to the right) and there were scars in the rock from cars and trucks bouncing off the rock and going around the corner. I thought, “well, that’s not too bad; the sign made it out to be way worse” THEN the road got really steep, and took a sharp turn again to the left. I remember looking at the rock-face, and the ground directly below it and thinking “whoa, there’s been a lot of accidents here… Thank you Jesus we made it down safely”. The corner was LITTERED with glass and scrap metal. We made it to the bottom of the mountain and drove out to the village for church. Susana said that there are accidents there all the time because so few people are able to maintain their vehicles and everyone is so overloaded.

On our way back from church we noticed a dark column of smoke near the mountain. As we got closer we saw that there were lines of trucks parked to the side of the road, and then saw where the smoke was coming from. We started off on a different route home. The road was closed for 7 hours to truck traffic; it was opened after 4 hours for small cars. Two ladies that were visiting the centre said they were some of the first through the pass, a tanker truck containing fuel had hit the corner at full speed, it’s brakes had failed, several people were killed with the explosion, they couldn’t be pulled from the fire. They said that when they were allowed to pass, the truck was still on fire, and they had to drive quickly because the pavement was so hot they were afraid the tires might melt.

The Togo Fire Department is only about 25 minutes from that spot, it’s built near the 2nd international airport.. not the one I came in at. No fire trucks came to the crash because there’s no money to buy any. I guess the fire chief sits in his new building during office hours and stares out at the empty truck bays… there’s room for 8 trucks.

We had a choice of two routes home; the first included a bridge that had been closed for the past two years… no one had heard if it was open yet, and the second included a one lane mountain pass… you go up or down, if you encounter someone coming from the other direction, the smaller vehicle goes backwards in the direction it came from. We decided we’d try the bridge. Thankfully it was all repaired, John said as we were getting near that if it looked “kinda” safe, we could all get out and walk across and he’d gun it across in the land rover…Thankfully it was a whole new bridge, so there wasn’t any racing. One hour and forty five mins to church… four and a half hours home.

OK, so that was all awesome, I loved seeing the countryside, watching the people, seeing the differences in the villages as we travelled from one area to another, but church was defiantly the highlight. We had church in a Ditammari village, under a giant mango tree! It was great, we sat in the roots of the tree, there was a nice breeze, people walked by, saw what was going on, some joined in… it was VERY cool. We started with 20 people and ended up with about 35.
True enough, I don’t have the foggiest idea what the sermon was about, and I didn’t know any of the songs… John spoke in French, (I think it might have been about being saved by grace.. not by works…. But yeah, my French is still lacking) and a Tammari man translated. But, it was neat, really neat. The Ditammari are probably the poorest people group in Togo, but they are also the most easily identified because of their homes, called Tatas… When you go to look up info on Togo, there’s usually a picture of one. It’s like a little castle made of mud! With turrets and everything! They are the only people group who make a two-story home.
I guess they started to build them like that because they were often targeted to be caught as slaves; The Ditammari are the smallest in stature in the area. By building their tatas with the high thick walls, it’s more difficult for intruders. They started to build their homes closer and closer together (round huts) then started to build walls between them, these developed into what they are today. They bring their livestock in at night to the main floor, and they sleep in the second part, this way the livestock can act as an alarm system too! The doorways are really narrow (to make it difficult for intruders) and there are small holes out the sides of the building on the top floor for arrows to be shot through. They sill have the central courtyard area, but it’s in front of the tata instead of inside. Until I can spend some real time online to get my photos on here, you’ll have to use your imagination as to what I mean. :)
Ok I could write another two pages worth of stuff from the village, on Idols and Fetishes and Family alters… The grain silos on top of the houses, The meat drying racks, the jewellery…. *sigh * but you’d stop reading because this is already long enough.
Meh Neh Ta Na, (Hey everyone, how’s it going?)
Meh Na Kay (it’s going great [with us])
Alafia (good!)
Deh Behng (see you later)
Alafia
YO
Ok, I don’t know how to type using the International Phonetic Alphabet on this computer, so just sound it out…. (I started Kabye lessons today)
Write me emails I miss you

rehash

Have you ever read back in an old journal or blog?

It's pretty much the main reason I write.

My memory is terrible for details, I remember how things felt, or what people were wearing- or the emotions other people were expressing... not what we were doing or saying.

Anyway, welcome to a new wednesday feature... where I spend the morning reading old blog posts then put them on here because... well... chances are, you don't remember me writing them either.

Feb 3 2008

If you know me... you know that sometimes... I just miss it.

I've yet to watch the movie "Transformers" in it's entirety, but it's been playing in the background at work for weeks now.

Today I sat down for a little while to watch some of it.

As I was sitting there (I don't know any of the character's names) they showed the back history of the story.... the grandfather of the main guy had made a discovery that had set the story in motion....

He fell into a cave of ice and snow..
his glasses fell from his head,
he hit JUST the right part of the transformer,
and it somehow happened to be lined up with his glasses JUST right...
and the transformer dude was able to encode something or other into the lenses of his glasses.
Years later, the kid still has his grandfather's glasses, and is selling them on Ebay......

I stand up and think.... "yeah right! Who keeps a pair of their grandfather's crappy cracked glasses that long??? this movie is soooo far fetched!"
and walk away.


wasn't for like another hour that I remembered that he was also talking to a robot from outerspace.

Paper Nickles

I like to have things to look forward to.
I like to savour those things.

Which is why I waited a full DAY to open a parcel I received in the mail.
I knew what was inside, I just wanted to savour that excitement of a new package... And, I really wanted to give it the attention it deserved, not just tear into it, only to have to walk away after 5 minutes.

It's a thing of beauty, this new CD package... two CDs and a book. Images and sounds, words to hear and read.

Stories.

Segue.

I'm exhausted. I've felt every emotion there is to feel in the past 24 hours. I'm spinning wildly between joy and anger, fear and peace, sadness and desire.
Can I take a day off from feeling?

90's

I just scared myself to death.
Really, I might be dead right now... my mind just hasn't caught up.

My mom sewed quite a bit when I was growing up.
At one point in the late 80's early 90's she started making me shorts and best of all, short overalls.
This was when it was really cool to wear boxer style shorts. Seriously. It was cool then.

Glow in the dark frog shorts.
Glow in the dark cow short overalls.
Glow in the dark pig short overalls.
Blue striped shorts.

Honestly. As parents, why didn't they stop us? These things looked terrible.

Anyway, there was always lots of leftover fabric in our house and mom would put it to use, or have us kids put it to use in some craft. One of the genius things she did was make aprons. I still have a bin of her stash that I dip into from time to time.

Fast forward to bedtime tonight.
I place the pile of folded (but not put away) laundry on my dresser. Lights get turned off. I turn to hop up on my bed (it's tall)... and I yelp.

There's a weird globby green ghost on my dresser.

Yup. I've still got one of those glow in the dark (cow) aprons.

Because you never know when you'll be cooking in the dark.

creaky

I grind my teeth at night... Well, actually I clench my teeth, I only grind them when things get really stressful. I also talk in my sleep, and more recently I've been known to throw things (sorry Jellydog).

I've taken up something new at night, and I'd really like to know what it is I've been doing.

I feel like it's the morning after a 1991 grade 8 dance... have I been head banging?

Self Promotion

I'm ok with it.

Though I promise this won't become a blog all about "badbunny".
For now though... I did successfully move the domain name over to a new host, and it's fantastic to work with.

It still needs a lot of work- the biggest thing being the photos, they need to tie together better- the lighting and boarders on each one are different... I find that visually offensive... I'm sure others will too.

Anyway, here she is! Stay tuned for more changes after Christmas... assuming we survive the end of the world tomorrow.

Last time it was the end of the world I survived.

New year's day 2000. January 1st.
Something like 6:20am
When everyone was asleep after partying because it was 1999 the night before...

The windows started to shake... the cat ran under my bed and I sat bolt upright as my bed started to rock...

My only thought? "What a great joke! God really IS coming back today!"
So I sat laughing on my bed till it stopped.

Turns out there was an earthquake in Thunderbay that could be felt as far away as Peterborough (where I was living at the time). 

Monday Bunday Flashback

Originally posted December 2007:

much packing going on around here.. the front hall is a maze of boxes.
While going thru boxes in the sunroom I found one little one... and decided to see if it could still be put to use....

at one point in time it WAS useful... He came home in it....

Past and and re-thinks

I was just reading back in a notebook... I found something that I think made it into the blog a few years ago... At the time it was about something else, but there's a line in it that made me pause this morning ... in a huge way. I've been leaning a little on the selfish side, instead I need to take a look at some things and see what I can be doing differently.

"you can't make shit like this up"

what if your morning started with the nicest fruitiest granola, made by a friend, who called and said coffee was made and waiting for you?
what if you sent people to the wrong place for a parade, but they still came and you all had a great time? and you played your kazoo, and rode your bike in a pretty skirt and gave it your everything?
what if people you loved so deeply were there, along with all your favourites?
what if you drank pints on the patio, ate poutine, laughed, took pictures and moved your office over one space closer to a chocolate shop?
what if you set up your tent, blew up your air mat, and nearly had a nap in the sun?
what if you had the most adorable old man living beside you? and you spent the afternoon and evening walking back and forth to the neighbours- chatting and laughing? and they looked out for you?
what if your favourite people came and you loved them through the rough spots?         what if you dragged them to the waterfront through all the tourists?                                what if you ate too much pulled pork, cranked some ice cream to smooth vanilla perfection, then dolloped it on to a cobbler from heaven?                                                what if then maybe you laid in the sand on a blanket by the lake with the real town- not the imported one?                                                                                                               watched women hula-hoop with fire, campfire visited, then experienced some crazy enormous fireworks- so good that you clapped, and maybe teared up?                           what if when you got back you danced a jig under the glow of twinkle lights while the fiddle played for you?                                                                                                     would you even believe it happened?

Time shift

A look back in time... next week- a newer version!

SUNDAY, JANUARY 25, 2009

25 Random Things About Me

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. 

(A meme that's going around within the Hair cast.... I'm playing along for once)

1) I was Born at Kingston General Hospital. There was a little boy born the same day as me, when we were 11 he made it on to the cover of Canadian Living Magazine. I was really really mad that he was cooler than I was.

2) I started to learn to write (cursive) on September 9 1985. I remember this because it was the last day the teacher let us print the date at the top of our pages while we did our work. I still default to the September 9th 1985 date when I'm writing distractedly. It must have been very traumatic. Or something.

3-4) when I was little I was facinated with light bulbs. It's a wonder I didn't burn down the house. I'd take the little plastic magnets from a writing board I had- all the letters in all different colours, and set them on the light bulb and try to bend them into different shapes as they started to melt. I also used to play house in my grandma's basement- and I'd "cook" dinner (hold a mini frying pan of water) on the exposed light bulb in the playhouse under her basement stairs. I broke several light bulbs by spilling "dinner" on the bulb.

5) I once misheard my parents telling me that sugar cubes are something that horses like to eat, and something about horses pooping a lot. I spent all of grade 3 defending the idea that sugar cubes were made of refined horse crap.

6) I lost 3 of my baby teeth at pioneer villages (black creek I believe)

7) I hate raw tomatoes. but I'll eat them cooked. or even warm. I ate a plate of raw chicken and didn't have as big of a problem as I had with the plate of sliced raw tomatoes beside it.

8) I lived on a ranch for 3.5 years of my life... spread out over the course of 8 summers and 2 winters... teaching little kidlets how to ride horses and care for them.

9) I took a year off between high school and university and worked as a "chicken sexer". I had several other jobs, but that one's a show-stopper in an interview.

10) I love tulips and lilly of the valley. and hate carnations. I think it's partly because there are no great songs about carnations... and carnations are grown in too many pesticides.

11) I slept thru most of Anthro 101. But blamed it on my "eyes blinking and forgetting to open again". Strangely enough, I remember most of the lectures, and still quote the videos. I also went on to graduate with a Bsc in Anthro and Psych (joint major). I couldn't tell you anything I learned in Psych.

12) EVERY roommate I've ever lived with has gotten married. I'm currently devising a plan to move out from myself... just to increase my odds of getting hitched.

13) I didn't sing (apart from along with the radio) till I was in my mid teens. When I did for the first time- my Mom asked me if I was lip synching. Someone tried to complement me once on my singing prior to that (at a youth conference) ... I told them they had the wrong person, they must have been hearing the girl beside me. They gave me a dirty look. I honestly thought they couldn't have ment me.

14) the best sound in the entire world is the low "wooonnnnnnt"  (not quite a nicker, not quite a snort) of a horse in the morning as it looks for treats you've got hidden in your pocket. second best sound is that collective gasp from the house after an increadible song or piece of music finishes... people trying to regain their ground after being lost in the piece.

15) I've always wanted a dog. One day when I was 5 a dog was hit by a car near our house, he wandered into our back yard and we took care of him till the animal shelter came to get him. I fed him ritz crackers, and I think about him every time I eat them still. My parents wanted a pet that would die a little quicker so we wouldn't be tied-down for as long. We got my first rabbit when I was 6. He died  my last year of high school. 

16) I jumped away from my bed getting out of it (better to avoid whatever evil creature was living under it) until I moved away from home. When I stay in my old room, I still take a large step away from it.

17) I've never broken a bone that deserved a cast. 

18) I don't hear melody.

19) tacos and mangos (freshly picked) and fene and passion fruit and coir sol and sweet potatoes and hot dogs and chicken parma and wings are my favourite foods.

20) The idea of fish touching my feet freaks me out so much, I'm likely going to have nightmares tonight just from thinking about it.

21) I love scarey movies and nightmares

22) My mom died 5 1/2 years ago. I miss her every day.

23) I have a life list, and I cross things off of it as often as I can. Even if it means sometimes writing things on it as I do them.

24) I've lived and worked in both East and West Africa. Though it was easier living in Uganda (no serious language barriers) I liked tiny Togo better. I'd move back in a heart beat. most days. except I really like being clean. And it's near impossible to stay clean where I've lived. And I really like being cool at night. and I really like people being on time. and I like being able to turn on the tap and drink my water... and I like not having to dip my fruit and veggies in bleach. ok, MOST days.

25) I'm not a people person by nature, but I hate being alone, so I get really involved so I don't have time to be alone. I'm also not a morning person.... but I learned to get over it. I'm actually really awkward in general. Thankfully my friends love me anyway.

Dreamyboomboom

Last night my entire dreamscape was set in Africa. Well, in dream-africa... which tends to be this strange combination of summer camp and East and West Africa. I know it was because I'd been reading my travel journal before going to sleep.
What an adventure. Both the reliving from the journal and the travel in the dreams. Someday I hope I'm gifted with the words to describe it all- so that it's as entertaining to those around me as it is in my mind.

Segue....

Honestly.
I think I've discovered the root of my dreams... locked into the youtube vortex I found this...

Dr. Snuggles, friend of the animal world. Dr. Snuggles, dreaming of better Tomorrows. Dr. Snuggles, you'd better start working today. Dr. Snuggles, flying away to the stars. Dr. Snuggles, finding a path to the rainbow. Dr. Snuggles, build us a clever machine.

This is the sort of thing I grew up on, characters named "Dreamyboomboom", Madame Dumpiytoo, Miss. Nettles, Camels named Woogy in the sky, flying treacle trees, Sky-Bed Fred and cosmic pillow fights...

And the rainbow... "a million dreams long and ten thousand wishes high". Episode 1 is likely the greatest thing my 4 year old self had ever seen... it's imprinted in my brain forever.


ok, last TV related post for a bit.

youtube vortex tonight: Green forrest, Dr. Snuggles, Gummy Bears, Jeremy the Bear, Parlez-moi, readalong, the toothbrush family, and Dear Aunt Agnes... I had to close the screen... it was too much.

Pirates (Always) Pirates

Sometimes, when there's nothing better to do (than clean my house)
I look at old blog posts.

Yesterday felt a little meta when I found one talking about future digital archeologists digging thru the layers of the blogosphere, it linked back to an old post from Will's blog.

(greatest quote ever)

"Note to digital archaeologists of the distant future: Those cats could not actually has cheezburgers"

::side note, I've said it before, if you're not following Will's current project at "A Year Of Billy Joel", you're missing out::

I'm so off topic I've nearly forgotten the point of this post.

While digging thru old posts, I discovered I could look up history based on tags..which is why they're there in the first place.. They just don't make it very convenient. They've even changed the name of tags to "labels".

The number one tag used in this blog? "Monday Bunday" with something like 99 entries.  I've been known to dress up my pets. Next most tagged is "Community"... then not too too far down the line... "Pirates".

Of course Pirates.

All this to say... Today I opened my email to discover  this.. an invitation to audition for the part of a pirate. IN PETER PAN!

It's like my entire being has been waiting for this.

yarrrrr.

TARDIS bed.

I'm feeling a little overrun with guilt this morning.
Last night's dreams resulted in enough material for 2 episodes of Dr.Who. Seriously, do dreams need to be this complex? After I helped send that woman back to the victorian age-  having taken over this other girl's mind- why didn't she record what had happened to her so we'd know what to do to help her in the future? And why didn't I study history better?

Guilt.
On waking I discovered that Jellydog wasn't in bed with me.

She was in bed with me when I fell asleep.

So, one of two things happened:

1. I got up in the night and put her down on the ground. I don't remember this. I only remember petting her as I fell asleep.

2. I pushed her out of the bed.




 (oh, did I mention I have to jump to get on my bed? Little pooch can't get up or down on her own, and she won't willingly go near the edge of the bed)

Sorry dog, time travel is dangerous business.

rolls around again

the year is nearly at a close- and my only resolution was to write more.
oops.

Tonight I remembered a conversation with an old friend- watching "10 things I hate about you" on the bed in my dorm room.

"that's a move you need to learn"

I still haven't.



Maybe that'll be this year's resolution.

jet outta here.

I'm going to be headed to my dad's place down in Florida in a little less than a month. I'm pretty excited to sit and watch the dolphins while I drink my morning coffee... walk the beach for hours....

While I'm gone TLS will be house sitting the buns and the pooch (and the hot tub)... I'm glad. The pooch doesn't hold too too much disdain for him. In fact, she's even been known to sniff him... and even ignore him knocking at the door (I know! shocker right? the dog who barks at everything that sounds like a door knock). The buns will disapprove of anyone, and so long as they're fed and loved a little, they'll tolerate him.

My worry is not that TLS will lock himself out again and have to climb through the kitchen window, it is as with every trip- that my plane will crash and someone will have to go through all those random boxes in my basement and files in my dresser if I die. That worries me... so it's about this time that I start to go a little crazy purging.

Today I went down to the boxes to take a look at what I was up against... (and it's really not that bad, it's mostly boxes of books waiting for a book shelf - or eight) and I encountered a box of old journals. which of course I started reading. Then, I went back up stairs and started reading old blog posts.

I found one that made me laugh a little, and made me feel a little on edge remembering the woman in the story.

http://parsleyseasonings.blogspot.com/2006/06/shady-corner-of-street.html

However, in a strange turn of events, sketchy has become someone I know thru GTI... it changes everything when you get to know someone a little.

found dew drop

:: recovered from the dew drop files- June '08::

I miss the rhythm of childhood.
The way each step followed the next.
The creak of the floorboards as mom came to the door.
Dad's nose honking in the shower.
Coffee grinder whizzing.
I miss the hope of summer in the smell of the flowers,
the push of the air,
the ants on their hills.
Climbing to the top of the dirt pile,
the flapping of the tissue kite.
Sliding down into the ravine,
sand in my shoes,
clay under my nails.


* I remember each summer we'd get a load of top soil for the garden. Piled at the top of the driveway, Little Bits (my sister) and I would play "mud men" rolling down the dirt pile, and jumping under the hose to clean off.
When we moved to the Port, a town of many hills, we had a ravine on each side of our subdivision- some days we'd head down to the ravine to the south- lunches packed, and get lost for the day in the woods (um... we weren't really lost). Other days we'd head to the "sand pit" to the North, and dig clay from the stream ... building ash trays for parents who didn't smoke, and digging into the sandy cliffs.

back in time... waaaaaay back

for years I've been looking for a certain Christmas special.

seriously for years... I started when I was around 18... checking in at the local video store, asking the owners if they remembered it. (They did, but didn't know the name of it)

This was in the days before Google.

These are the days of Google, so for the past few years, I've been googling "Christmas specials old" "Disney Christmas specials night before Christmas" and "mama dolls decorate the tree"

all for naught.

Growing up, we'd watch all the Christmas specials we could find. Grinch was right up there. The animated Rudolf, old saint nick, chipmunks, Micky, Muppet's.... the list goes on. But the one I loved most was the one where the night before Christmas played... Santa went down the chimney, and let loose the bag of toys who proceeded to decorate the tree while a dozen little kids slept. Images that stuck out in my mind the most... the dolls that say "mama" marching along (floppy falling over) in time to the tin solders playing their trumpets.... the fire engine pumping fake snow onto the branches.... Santa using a tiny umbrella in the toe of a torn stocking so it would hold the toys... and the blimp dropping the star on the Christmas tree....

It was remembering the blimp that helped me find it on Friday night... "Christmas special Disney night before Christmas blimp" went into the google bar... and I came face to face with the 1932 Merry Melodies Night Before Christmas.

It was taken off the air because of one scene where a little boy looks up into the fireplace and gets covered in soot from Santa squirming out... the result is the little boy looking like he's in black face until a puppy licks his face clean. It was considered "ethnic humour" and a little too racy for TV.

Enjoy! Seriously, this brings me back... (click the pic)

thoughts

how long do you hold on to things?

I mean, short of holding a grudge, how long do you hang on to old emotions?

I'm talking about that strange place in life, when your peers start to trickle back into their home town. 

Ok, so maybe not "short of holding a grudge", maybe I'm talking about grudges.

I'm thinking in particular of two guys I went to school with who caused me much grief. One just drove me nuts- teased me from grade 3 right on thru to OAC (Ontario Academic Credits- also known as Gr.13) honestly, the guy mostly just exasperated me... but he wasn't that bad. Then there's this other one- he made me cry nearly weekly, he was THAT mean. 

The mean guy has shown up and acts like nothing ever happened in the past, acts like he's my buddy. Mostly I tolerate him. At worst, I roll my eyes (at him). He's pretty shallow. 

The other guy has just shown up- I haven't talked to him, so I'm not sure who he's become. *

But seeing him started me thinking, when do you let things go? Does something like that need to be brought up again? Do you start fresh? Pretend nothing's happened?

Just some thoughts floating around in my brain this week.....

* I DO know that I covet his dog. In fact, he's been around town for almost a month now, but i only noticed yesterday it was him- I'd been looking at the dog every time he passed.