The sacred spaces

I was feeling pretty stressed by the time I left work tonight. Carrying too many thoughts and worries.

I did get the job.. so that's a huge amazing thing, but now until my old contract is filled, we're a little strapped for relief staff. Add the fact that another staff has moved and one full time staff is in the hospital and another is starting a vacation to Cuba... well..  I'm booked for 10 shifts in a row and it's looking like I could be asked to extend that and work my entire weekend off again.... making it a run of 13. I've done longer before, but I'm really trying to be aware of my emotional capacity for ...everything... it suffers when I don't have a day off.

So anyway... I was feeling worn. I nearly cried when I realized I might have to work Sunday in addition to Saturday. And my coworkers saw that, so I was feeling stupid for being so effected. Yes I'm excited about the full time contract but it took a lot out of me this past week wondering/waiting to hear. I didn't really have a back up plan.

But then... on my way home I remembered about a little group that was meeting at the firehall theatre... a little group of people getting together to sing. Taking time to work on audition pieces or songs from shows they might be in.

I turned my car around and went.

It was a small group. I'd missed the first half/warm-up.  But there were hugs. And smiles. And encouraging words. And singing. Together.

And I found an audition piece.

And I still don't know if I can even be part of the next show with my work schedule,  but I have people I can sing with, blend voices with, meet in that sacred space where sound comes out and blends and bends and is beautiful and is one.

So things are good.

My heart is full again.

Hear that?

If you've never worked with sound, it's ok. Just ask for some help from someone who has so you can grasp the basics.
A sound tech type person will always geek out at the opportunity to talk about their favourite craft.

I was asked last week to sing at a friend's church with a group of people. So nice... what a lovely boost to the confidence to be asked to do something like that. While there I had one of those moments involving sound equipment where I had to bite my tongue.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on sound systems.

Sound bounces off of things... moves around a room.. and acts differently in every set up.

While we were getting ready sunday morning, the man in charge of sound related things at the church plugged in some mics.
When there was feedback he replied "there shouldn't be feedback, we just tuned the whole thing up last week".

I just read what I wrote. Only sound techs are going to get it.... This makes me seem like a snob.
My ears hurt when the sound mix is bad. Please ask for help.. I'll always help you.

25 things part 2

6. I've "fake raptured" housemates as a prank.  - In university my housemates and I read the "Left Behind" series. One day I left random piles of clothing around the house for my roommates to find. These ladies put up with a lot of strange pranks (orajel on the toothbrushes!) and random quirks (the infamous "concentration whistle").

7. I trained myself to be a 7:15pm pooper while on the road with Watoto. Shows started at 6:30 or 7, so while everyone was busy watching the show/was in the show, I had a few minutes to myself for "the long call". I'm not a 7:15pm pooper any more.

8. I'd like to be a singer... For a career. Currently there's a little too much emphasis on people being "singer-songwriters". Maybe someday. Reading that thing J.Byrd posted, and some things said at last year's OCFF has pushed me think a little more about this.

9. The first time I saw the words "pubic hair" written, I totally read "public hair". Not only that, but I read it out loud to a huddled group of friends in grade 7 from a copy of "The Valley of Horses". I'd  borrowed the book from my Dad's collection, and spent the next 4 years hoping he wouldn't reread the series or remember how much sex was in it.

10. I'm really good at starting things.... not so good with follow thru.

Retro

I've been doing a lot of looking back this week.
I pulled out my scrapbook the other day to work on it and found my travel journal.

Yes I started this blog to share stories while I was in Togo, but man oh man... most of the things I saw and experienced never made it into the blog- or were just the tiniest blip... Like the time I followed a woman down the street - a woman who had a basket on her head... and a live goat tied on top of the basket. .. Or the time I went to the dining room and couldn't get back to my bedroom because there was a HUGE bug (the size of the palm of my hand) in the breezeway, and I couldn't walk around it by walking on the lawn because I was in my bare feet and there were more frightening bugs (read: scorpions and God knows what else) in the grass in the dark... Or about the neighbour family who'd been in Cote D'Ivoire when a peace agreement collapsed (November 2004)- the absolute fear in their faces as they told their story, guns trained on their children and eventual evacuation by helicopter... Or Zachary's surprising English and forcing me to practice conversational French -My roommate's surprise when Zachary started speaking English "but... but...I've known you for years! I've never heard you speak English before! I didn't know that you could!"

Maybe I'll pull some more gems out here.

I've also been watching a lot of "the voice" this week.
CRAP
I lovehate that show so much!
I love the idea, that it's based just on voice- but I hate that it isn't actually. There's some surprising age discrimination that happens based on voice still. Now, maybe I've got it wrong- maybe they had some better ideas, so I'll stop now... I'm not one of the judges/coaches. I also have a hard time with the idea that once the teams are filled, some people won't get heard, but again... I could be wrong.
But seriously, I'm so involved in the show... I yell things at the computer screen. And I cheer.
And I tell off the people who try to conjure up tears and sympathy.
I call them names and swear at them.

Auditions

As promised, a little run-down of the auditions from a few weeks ago.
'umberland Players are putting on "the 25th annual putnam county spelling bee". Long name, great little show.

It's a show of just leads. There's no chorus backing them up, so I was quite hesitant to try out. But,like I mentioned a while ago, I was encouraged by someone who said a few times "my dream cast includes you, x, y, and z". In conversation with this person, they talked about the show and how "we'd" be doing it, what "our" set was going to look like... and a few other comments that made me feel like it was in the bag. So, yes, I was pretty hurt when I didn't get the part.

BUT. That comes from my biggest weakness.
My greatest strength.
Something that I still need to learn to control.


The best people were chosen for the parts based on their ability to excel in the audition process.

I don't know if I have the vocabulary to describe this fully, I've touched on it before.... and it's long, so feel free to skip it.

I have, since I was about 16, been blessed with the fantastic ability to hear harmony. Music in a whole sense. There's a physical sensation that I feel when I hear music- some people say they sense numbers in colour, people refer to seeing something and nearly being able to taste the vision, I have a physical sensation when I hear music. It happens mostly in my throat and neck- but when a "complete" piece of music is heard, I feel it down into my chest. A squeeze and release that follows the shape of the notes, and the sense that there are two portions in me, one leaning against the other in sound, pushing for a balance, and when the balance is reached, it's a tight feeling, nearly painful in it's perfection.
I used to joke that I had "harmony-itis", and the only way I could explain what was happening in me was that I only heard the harmony... but, when I take it apart, note by note... I hear the melody in my ears and my head, and my brain turns my response into the right "lean" to create a balance. When I sing a harmony, unless it's one I've learned by repetition... I don't know what I'm singing... I couldn't sing it back to you without the melody because it doesn't exist in my mind. A physical response to "fill out" the sound.

ug. I just read what I wrote and it sounds so stupid!
Why aren't we given the vocabulary for these sort of things?

So, to learn a melody takes me a little time.
I have to force myself to step away from the music, and learn the physical characteristics of the tune. If you listen carefully to me stumbling thru a new piece of music, you'll notice I'm breaking into the harmony to what I'm suppose to be learning in the most random of spots.

Trust me.
it's annoying.

In an audition, in a call back, you're asked to learn a few pieces of new songs and sing them solo. I'm just not quick enough on the draw to learn the melody and sing it confidently.

So, the strongest person gets the part. That's the way it should be.

Someday, I'll develop what I've got. Or I'll find a use for it beyond singing around a campfire.