Thursday confessionals

I have fond memories of the candy we used to buy as kids.
I think that's a thing in every generation right?

One thing we used to buy when we'd go camping or to the cottage was that MacIntosh toffee caramel stuff. Like a thick strip of tooth breaking sugar wrapped in a plaid box- green and red. It had scores marked into it so you could presumably break of a chunk and enjoy it. I think our parents bought it because they knew we'd have to gnaw for hours on the thing in silence... in fear of ripping our teeth from our head.

I found some at the dollar store yesterday. I was so excited... I'd forgotten about the part where my teeth would become trapped in the effort to enjoy it. I got it home and bit in and.... got stuck for a few seconds.  So I tried to snap off a piece. And just bent it.

The grown-up brain parts in me kicked in... I grabbed the cutting board and knife that was sitting on the counter and chopped that sucker up into enjoyable bites... sure, it shattered and the pieces adhered to the cutting board, but who cares? I'd won.

I spent all day yesterday savouring little bites of the stuff, prying the pieces off the cutting board with my fingernail or the knife. SO GOOD!

Last night I absentmindedly picked the last of the flakes off the board and popped them in my mouth while I talked with a friend. The last piece didn't melt.

It just... sat in my mouth.

I tried bending it with my teeth, maybe it was just a little more dried out than the others?

Nope.

I spit out the offending piece into my hand... to discover it was in fact a dried out piece of raw chicken from the previous night when I'd used the cutting board....

I promise to wash all my dishes from now on and not leave them on the counter.

More poking

I blame Henny.
She's a bit of a pecker.
She's now pecked two eggs in her life enough to puncture through the shell and the membrane. Today she just happened to peck one of the hatching eggs. Thanks jerkface. 

When I told a friend who knows me really well, she responded "by jerk [you] really mean sweet!"

So today I got to break a day 6/7 egg.

I was a little more careful breaking this one... did I mention the watery whites? I may have gotten squirted last time. Sadly Henny's pecking had broken the yolk sac too. This one was actually dead.

The yolk mixed with the whites making things harder to see this time. But if you google day 6 or 7 images of a chick's development. .. you'll literally get the picture.

I fed it to Ruebendog.
I should have thought quickly though... he lapped up all the goo, I totally could have gotten a better look at the egg alien before it too was licked out of the bowl.

Romeo and Juliet

Once upon a time, a boyfriend of mine hit a bird with his car and killed it. He send me a text right after it happened. .. back in the days of T9 txting and driving.
I made fun of him.
I'd never killed anything while driving.
Oh... I had fun with that..mocking him, for about an hour.
When a bird dive bombed my car on hwy 2 into port hope and I hit it good and dead.

Spring has finally arrived. Ok, so I read it might snow on tuesday, but we've finally had warm weather and the snow is nearly gone. The birds are in love, everyone and everything is twitterpeted.

I decided to give my car a good cleaning on friday. The dog has managed to cover every inch of the interior of the car in sand and fur from our beach visits, it was about time.

I backed the car in the driveway as usual, opened all the doors and started to vaccum.
While I was vacuuming I realized that my only vacuum joke was about how badly the thing sucked, and tried to come up with some other punny statements knowing how lame that one was... except my vacuum does suck. It doesn't really suck up dirt anymore. It's a crappy vacuum.

I was standing on the driver's side of the car, between the two open doors, wiping something when it happened...

Two of those twitterpeted love birds were soaring around the yard. Squeaking and tweeting and flying like maniacs, they flew thru the gate and
SMACK
flew right into the window inches from my head

And fell to the ground dead and dying.

One dead.
One dying.
Two dead robins.

What was their backup plan if the windows had been open? Fly into the side of my head?

I threw their little bodies in the garbage after considering tossing them to the chickens. I just didn't want to clean up after those little velociraptors after they'd eaten their fill.

Gross.

it's the feet... and the claw thingies

I'm standing in my bathtub having a shower.. and trying desperately not to cry.

When it's summer, I treat my hair like it's curly, when it's winter I treat it like it's straight. What does that mean?  Winter is filled with combing and brushing and washing my hair nearly daily- zero humidity calls for it. But in the glorious summer? ah yes, my hair goes free. I only brush it when I wash it, if I wash it. curls like to be free.

Today was a hair washing day.

I dunked my hair under the spray of the water and the smell of a campfire from 2 nights ago was recharged and released ... I love that. I grabbed the brush and fought the good fight (and won). I threw the dead cat's worth of hair that I'd combed out into the trash... and looked down... and that's when I saw it circling the drain...

an earwig.

there had been a freakin' dead earwig in my HAIR.
oh.
dear.
God.
Save.
Me.

So. I'm standing in my bathtub having a shower... and trying desperately not to cry.

they're baaaa-aack

It took two crunches before I realized what was happening.

It was so familiar, but so strange. A forgotten memory.

I was out for a walk down to the beach with my new lovely pup (story about the pup later) when I heard a crunch... felt a crunch. One more step and I felt and heard another.
It was the second crunch that did it.
I looked down immediately, knowing I'd have to tread carefully.

Mass snail exodus.

Snails... everywhere.

I counted eleven more in the four yards before the beach.
So gross.

remember?

Remember that time last week when my fridge was stinking because I'd missed several (4) weeks of garbage days and spent too many nights out not eating my leftovers?

Remember that?

I do.

My fridge is clean. Mostly because it got to the point where I was embarrassed to open the fridge to get the milk for tea. ... This reminds me.. I need to buy milk tomorrow...

When I cleaned it out, everything went in the shed. Thankfully it's been cold and everything froze, so the stink is minimal. I have to go check what the weather is suppose to be like for this week.

Guess who missed garbage day again?

More ewwww.

Ok, that's it... I have to bite the bullet and clean the fridge.

I walked into the house tonight and was hit by two powerful odours... the first... well, what ever that is that I've forgotten in my fridge for the past 4 weeks. The second? 11 hours of wearing the same boots.

gross.

Wish me luck, if it goes well I plan on sewing some of the basement wall curtains tonight. 

eww

I missed garbage day again.

Do you ever leave things in your fridge with the intent to toss them on the next garbage day? It's a bad habit of mine. I still rarely eat here at home- I miss eating at home, it's just not in the cards right now. So when I do make food, the leftovers go to waste... unless I eat them for breakfast... I'm not into that so much.

I missed garbage day again.


Week 4 in a row.

Don't open the fridge door.

Monday Bunday

I woke up the other morning and thought that the dog had killed the rabbit in the night.
There was blood EVERYWHERE.

Then I remembered that the dog was sleeping in my bed... was still sleeping in my bed, and couldn't have gotten down without my help.

Then I spotted him, laying half in his box, half out... asleep? dead?

I walked over to the box, he jumped up and poked me in the knee looking for treats. Not dead, peppy and saucy as ever. He had broken a nail in the night... and then sat under the kitchen table FLICKING his foot, spraying blood everywhere... whacking it against the rail under the table, making it bleed more.

I spent a good 45 mins on the floor scrubbing blood splatter and trying to convince myself that a CSI team wasn't going to blame me on a future murder with their specialized blood finding lights... And imagining myself as Dexter, analyzing the blood splatter and the directions it came from... discovering hidden sprays on the bottoms of chairs (how?), trails through the back room... till finally I found the nail, stuck in the litter-trapper carpet beside his litter/food box. You know the type? Rubbery plasticy threads meant to catch the little pieces of litter that stick to your pets' feet?

gross dude.

just gross.

Give me treats, I had a near death experience.

Found items

So the basement acts like a time capsule... or a garbage heap... I'm not sure which is more true. The clean up process is still going.

The eventual goal is to clear out the old coal-bin area and build hanging shelves to place christmas decorations and crafting crap and whatever other items survive the purge (all those Ramona Quimby books I've been saving for my potential future children). Hanging shelves? The coal-bin space isn't paved... the entire basement is paved... except that strange square that's still filled with hunks of coal. I'm being honest with myself when I say - it'll never get cleaned out and paved. (At least as long as I'm the one living here). So, rather then waste the space, the wooden shelving units are going to be attached to the floor joists above and hang down. The rental place I was in before buying here had them... the basement floor was all wonky/uneven... BRILLIANT!

I'm rambling....

LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE BASEMENT!!!!!!

He was nestled in some insulation, all cute and dead like... LOOK at his adorable shoulder blade!!! If you squint- it looks like a baby mouse ear!  And HIS TOES!!!! eeeeeeeeeeek! Adorable. Dead.

feed the twigs

Do you ever see something so often you forget it's there?

I noticed something kinda odd while sweeping the house today.

Well, for one- I was sweeping. Usually I'm vacuuming, giant beaster bunny is a non-stop shedding machine. I can barely keep up.

(note: those tiles are each 1 foot square or more/ that's a full sized bathroom door)

But that wasn't the odd part.. the odd part was the funny twisted little twigs I kept finding near 'Touf's litter box. I couldn't figure out where they were coming from... I checked my boots to see if there were any stuck to them, I checked the bunny to see if they were stuck to his coat... I checked outside the door to see if they were on the sidewalk... later outside I checked to see if they were from a dried plant in the garden... They were tiny weird little things.

I found one again later... after sweeping.

Picked it up.

Threw it on the ground.

I figured it out.

I went and got the newspaper.
I shredded the newspaper.
I picked thru the rabbit litter box (with a litter sifter.... don't worry)

And then I opened up the three bins sitting beside the back door... and fed the starving compost worms. Compost worms that had been slowly escaping looking for compost...  compost worms that dry out and look like little twigs.

gross.

sniff

Really, the only thing I want right now is for it to be flip-flop weather.

I am so sick of stinky winter shoe feet.

Random thought... can I use sewing machine oil in my type writer?

better than TV

So, last night I finished up at the Volunteer Marche earlier than I'd expected, and had time to head over to GTM for dinner.
I was greeted at the main doors by A.

A.was carrying something in her hand... a jug.

A jug of milk.
Frozen milk.

A.was cackling trying to show me the jug, and little Flower was jumping up and down yelling "did you see it yet?" "It's so gross!" I tried to take a look.. but they were laughing so hard it took a second for the jug to steady.
I couldn't really figure it out at first... it was frozen milk... what was so gross about that? was it fermented frozen milk? I didn't get it... and then... I saw it.




it's little ears just peeking out of the milk... it's furry head barely breaking the surface. I was fascinated... for a bit. Can you imagine... if you were a cat? how amazing this would look to you?



I'm afraid of that fridge. You never know what you're going to find in there. And... I'm now thankful I only eat/drink things that are still in their original containers while I'm there...

It got better... err... stranger. A. decided she wanted to free the little guy from his frozen prison ("a modern day encino man!" someone said) so... she did what anyone else would do... (um... ok, actually.. no, I don't think anyone would have done this) She poured hot coffee on the mouse.
Moccamousicino anyone?

And then... not getting the results she was hoping for.... set the whole thing on the baseboard heater. (At this point I was trying not to throw up my scalloped potatoes and ham).

And yes.. it got stranger... we had a funeral. And I spoke at it.
And most of the evening I was just laughing....

stuff

there are days when you just want to scream.
there are days when you just need to cry.

the past couple of weeks have been pretty emotional.
and pretty hard.

I've been holding out for this camping weekend for awhile, knowing that it'd be a great time away, with some trusted friends. Spiritually, emotionally recharged, I'd be ready to face anything.

It's been cancelled.

So, today, we're going to talk about the practicalities vs the impracticalities of a little thing I like to call "ditch camping".

Ditch camping is when all else has failed, so you find a nice ditch somewhere in the country.
Choice spots should be relatively dry, and unditch-like :: there shouldn't be too much garbage, avoid dead animals and hobos.
Ditches provide shelter in wind and dust storms, and in the case of a tornado, you'll be below ground level and safer than most. Ditches DO often flood. So don't camp in the rain.
You don't have to actually put your tent up in a ditch.. you can just lay the tent over you while you sleep if that's easier. Also, you don't have to go far to use the bathroom, as more than likely, you'll be in some sort of biological mess/waste.

fat cat.

Did I mention the pot luck I went to awhile back? It was with a fantastic group of people, many of them just down on their luck, struggling, self medicating... but.. people. I loved it. It took place in this ramshackle old place, falling apart, smelly... probably should be torn down or condemned... if the health unit knew food was happening here... I can't even imagine!
At once point a scrawny cat wandered into the room... and my first instinct was "this poor little cat! so malnourished! so dirty... so needy!!!" I wanted to scoop it up and take it home with me. Then I started looking around the room and it hit me that I had more compassion for the cat than I did for some of the people who were in the room with me... It really made me check my heart. Right then and there.

Last night we had a strawberry social. It was great! fresh local berries, a great chance to meet some new people... The evening was drawing to a close, I'd seen my little cat try to sneak into the room again, and I'd seen a few others pacing outside the door... too smart to come in. Out of the corner of my eye I watched this nice fat cat slowly walk into the room.. unhurried, just wander over to behind some tables... since we were getting ready to head out I didn't draw any attention to it or try to kick it out. I started to watch it a little closer as it passed under a table nearby... this was my train of thought..... it's the most beautiful shadeofsilveranditsjustfloatingandlookatit'stail-hey-wait-a-second!
"guys... there's a raccoon in here"

Mama Coon and her three little babies are living behind the bar in the storage area in the dining hall.

... alanis, a new verse for your song

about a month ago I participated in an over-the-phone survey. I do these often, most of them are students in university trying to finish up their thesis, or companies looking for info. Over the phone, under 5 mins, I'm happy to help.
Last night I got a call from a company saying I'd won a prize and that they'd be there to drop it off in half an hour.
I like prizes.
I sat out on the front porch awaiting the gifting! Another call arrives, it's the dispatcher checking the directions, my gift is on it's way, and "oh by the way, we'll have you answer a quick question about our product".

me: but I don't have your product, how can I answer a question about it?
them: right, we know you don't have one, it's an industrial grade product, we're giving you one.

I scratch my head and wonder how I can answer a question about an industrial grade air purification system... and the car pulls up. Smiling guy gets out of the car, dragging a giant box behind him.... and starts to launch into a sales pitch. fantastic (insert eye roll here).
he asks to plug it in so I can give my opinion of the product... so we do... and he continues to talk about air polution ect ect ect ect.... he talks for about 7 minutes before I stop him and say: "I'm sorry, I don't have time for this, see that girl who just came into the house? She just took a train in from Toronto so we could got to dinner together, the person on the phone told me I was getting a prize, not that I had to entertain you in my home." (nodding toward rebecca.. I didn't bother to tell him that she lives in town and takes the train from work everyday.. or that we were just going to go grab some food from tim hortons....)

he kept going.

I stop him again... "no, seriously, I need to leave now, thank you for coming though."

he gathers his stuff and goes....

now, the funny part is, this guy is selling an air purification system... we had to put out one of those "air sponges" after he left because he smelt so badly of smoke... our house stunk....

lions and tigers and flies.. oh my!

ate my first... and second bugs of the season... gross.

I haven't been typing much this week, as somehow I've hurt my wrist! Even my pirating has been effected! How sad.
At first I thought it was another ganglion (sp?) growing in my wrist (funny cyst thing) but then yesterday when I cried trying to straighten my fingers I knew that couldn't be it.... I went to work and started calling around for a replacement... took me four hours, but eventually I was able to make it to the "fast track" health centre. Not sure why it's called the fast track, I was still there for 3 hours waiting to hear "it's damage to your tendons. take it easy for a week, immobilize it and drug yourself every few hours to get the swelling down." Funny, that's what I'd been doing for the past 3 days before I came in...
Today is better, the hand is still puffy, but at least I can move without screaming.

I am enjoying the experience of trying to do things onehandedly though... I planted some tomato plants, gathered some eggs, shaved my legs... and drove my car (standard) and I feel pretty good about it all.

Relay for life is coming up next week... anyone want to sponsor me????

Doctor come QUICK!!!!

Disclaimer:: the following story may be too much information... unless you like poop stories.

I can only write this because Matty wrote THE EXACT same thing this week..... and so I don't feel so stupid now.

So Monday, my day off, I spent the day watching movies and being lazy in preparation for my two week stretch at work... For dinner I made a nice mess of grilled root veggies in olive oil and rosemary and garlic...mmmmm, Dalton made chicken, it was a masterpiece really.
Tuesday at around noon I went for the "long call" (say it with a Ugandan child's accent please, it makes it less poop sounding.. almost like a pleasant conversation instead of the void that it was) (yes that's right... I mean a crap) To my horror the results were SO full of blood that it started to tint the water red...
I started to sweat... I was near tears... I was DIEING!!!! and so young!!!
I pulled myself together and went back to work... in the back of my mind writing my will, trying to figure out how I'd break the news to my family and friends... gathering the courage to call my family doctor to begin the series of tests that would point to my end.
I was terrified.
Work ended a few hours later...and as I pulled my belongings out of the car I thought about the nice time I'd had the day before, and how there were to be so few more like it, I thought about the yummy meal I'd had..... and how there would be few like it too...
yummy meal? what made it so yummy? spices and roots...
oh yes, those tasty red beets had added so much flavour too ...
red beets....
OOooooOOOOOooooh
right...
I'm not dieing.

I do not like them sam I am

I do not like eggs shells in my cooked eggs.

*gaaack!*