post fest blues, after wearing yellow.

the let down.

after something so lovely.

the sense of time, the loss of time.

makes me wonder, makes me adore, makes me hate, makes me cry- tears of joy, sorrow, release.

so many people working so hard... together, in community, in communion.

I get a little worked up thinking about it still... the million tiny fires we'll never know about- that we've never known about- people who work so well as a team that they don't need to check in, they just do it. And in the big things, fall into working for the community, not for the recognition or the chance at being in charge. Incredible.

And the million tiny moments of wonder and joy? I only hope I'm able to share them.

This was a hard weekend. I worked HARD. and I'm proud. I said it, I'm proud of what I did- and I'm also still so worried I missed something huge- that there was some piece that along the way I dropped and couldn't see. And I worry that people didn't get the most out of it. I'm not saying that part to get some sort of boost or response "to feel better" or draw praise, I just want to voice what I'm thinking and worrying...

So if for the next couple of days I'm weepy, I'm distracted, just know I'm going thru some sort of grieving process.