Friday, January 30, 2015

Outdoor skate rinks and other memories

Weird things happen to me.

Usually they are dream related, but sometimes the waking world coincidences are so incredible, I can barely believe they're true.

Like the time I walked past a little side street, and without ever walking down it to check it out, said to myself "I'll probably live there". I bought my house on that street 3 months later.

Last week was one of those weeks, filled with both waking and dreaming weirdness. First there was the dream where I went to visit my friend in Australia. I brought my dishwasher with me and spent most of the dream trying to install the stupid thing. Only to discover the next morning when I opened my bedroom door and was hit with a lovely cloud of steam, that the dishwasher had broken and gotten stuck on "heat water" for the 8 hours while I slept.

Two nights later I dreamt that my cousin was trying to get my friends hooked on drugs. He gave me antihistamines.  When I woke up I used nearly half a box of Kleenex because I couldn't stop sneezing.

But the one that was reveled to me just the other day has left me... just... huh.

Last week I drove past a tiny street in my home town... twice. I never notice the street usually. Both times I turned to the person who was with me and asked them about a rink on the street. In my head both times I thought about an old man who used to live near there. He was stuck in my head for the rest of the week, I even told someone at work about how he had the whole youth group over for chocolate cake one time, how even in his eighties, he always took the time to check in with the teens.
I was sad thinking about him all week. I wondered when his funeral had been. When I was 16 he was frail but living on his own.I wondered who had gone to his funeral, and thought a lot about the community I'd been part of 20 years before.

Fast forward to this week's Wednesday night dinner.

A girl I've known since my youth group days comes up to me and starts chatting. She tells me that our old pastor had been in town and catches me up on all the news of their grand babies etc. Then she stops, looks very seriously at me and says "they were in town to do a funeral for Jim". I was in shock, their son in law had passed away and I hadn't heard about it? He's just a few years older than I am.... she looks at me and says "no, Jim Maidment... he was 102".

Really, it's left me wondering if maybe I had super powers last week and didn't  know it.

http://www.rossfuneralchapel.com/?page_id=44&id=1579

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Thursday confessionals

Sometimes Thursday confessionals get railroaded by my favourite ginger.

Me (a la confessional):

Last week I invited a friend over to my house. They'd never been to my place before.  When they showed up they were laughing. "I didn't actually have your address, but i figured it out".  I looked at them in confusion ... they responded "really? Have you seen your house? It's your house."

I took it as a huge compliment.

Other things people have said in the past month that I've decided to embrace as compliments: I saw this weird thing the other day and totally thought of you. You are kinda eccentric.  You're too much woman for me. You do a lot of strange things [activities]. (And my favourite) I had no idea you were so interesting.

My ginger: I gave up trying to describe you long ago - there's a completely different facet of you shining every time I see you!  (The Amish Dominatrix phase was a little intimidating, but what the heck - it's all part of the marvelous package that is you!)

Me: Who says that was a phase?

My ginger: "I shall smiteth thou repeatedly, thou dirty, dirty boy."

Me: Now you've given away next week's confessional!

Friday, January 23, 2015

I love when friends link to my blog about how funny it is... and I've been boring for months on end.

Oops.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Big hearted days

So then there are days where it doesn't feel like January.
Days where you find yourself in the sauna of the small town radio station, chatting effortlessly for nearly an hour about the joys of house concerts, finding community and togetherness through music, getting excited about new projects*, and discovering and facing  things about yourself.

Days when you load the email and find an accidental message written for someone else. One that leaves you grinning knowing that the efforts you put out there are appreciated.

Days where you visit a past labour of love and find it growing and thriving without you worrying.

A day where you finish a knitting project and you've knit to gauge the whole project through.

A day where you're silly and comfortable in your own skin.

Those days can happen even in January.

* I feel like I need to keep track of the details here, for whenever my Alzheimer's might kick in and I don't understand my own codes.

www.northumberlandsmalltime.com was launched last monday, so I was the guest on "art beat" this week.
I found a message sent from one musician to some others across the globe , it was sent accidentally to me, it was sweet and affirming and I might have cried a little.
I stopped in to the NUkeO uke jam tonight, the room was packed. It felt great to be an observer and to help throw in some playing tips where I could. I'm so glad I was able to let it go and that people stepped up to continue it.
I finished knitting a big ol'shrug thing tonight. Started with the intent to wear with my favourite dress in the world.. the one that I have to try to remember to not wear daily.
I have a temporary roommate again, I'm so glad to have Mark back. And I'm so glad to have the company around the house.
Even the cold can be warm.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Breakfast

Me- If it's for entertainment purposes and not personal gain, I prefer a little more personal space between me and my strippers.

January

Mid January and it's bi-polar tendencies.
I want more of everything, but want it in solitude- surrounded.

What's that all about?

The sun is beginning to win again. Each week it claims back a few minutes. The orange glow hangs to the west for a little longer and I feel less likely to dive off the cliff into the bedclothes for the remainder of the season.

Now if it would just bloody well snow enough for some snowshoeing, all would be well with my soul.

I can't justify a lonely trip somewhere just to snowshoe.

Or maybe the poles will swing and I could.

Thursday, January 01, 2015

Happy days

It's a new year.
I rang in midnight with a ragtag group of people who have come to mean a lot to me. I kissed each sweaty dancer at midnight and screamed "fuck 2014" while dancing to an 80's cover band. I didn't  drink. My eardrums nearly burst.

Not a lot has changed in the past 365  days, no further ahead, but no further behind!

Yay team!

Here's to a new year, new experiences, new people, more dancing, more kissing.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

People that you meet

I recently met a new friend.
And due to circumstances, nature and nurture and medication. .. they are for the most part emotionally neutral.

What does that even mean?

Well, for someone like me who feels too much- who senses your every flutter or shift of emotion, who can sense when you're "off" or your disinterest, who feels everything you're feeling... magnified. .. well, this is the greatest find, the greatest gift of friendship that can exist for this moment.

I don't have to guess.
And I don't take anything on.
I don't have to anticipate or react.
They are just open and honest and non reactive.

I love people. I love my job. I love my friends. But there are days when the act of being around people and absorbing their emotion is so exhausting.

But there is nothing to engage with but the actual person and the thoughts of this friend. And I just needed to write my relief down.

I spent an evening with this friend recently and after hours of talking I felt like I'd been to a therapy session... except, I've yet to find a therapist that I knew I could click with.... too much emotional transparency on their end, so I guess this is how some people feel after leaving the therapist. (I feel like everyone can benefit from a therapist, I'm not announcing my insanity)

No big conclusion today, no lesson to take away. Just really content and want to remember this.

Sunday, November 09, 2014

This is not my year

For supper tonight I was trying to "be good". I made up a big ole bowl of salad.

I was even excited to tuck into it.

Right?!

I grabbed my favourite bottle of salad dressing (a vinegar and oil based one- surprising because I'm craving milk again) and started to pour it on... then had a moment of panic. The expiry date... is it "day month year or year month day or year day month?"
I stared in horror at the bottle for a few seconds, decided it was "year month day" and stopped feeling so horrified.

I mean.... I couldn't have a salad dressing that expired in '05... I moved into the house in 2009! The relief lasted for about half a bowl of salad. Till I realised that if it didn't expire in '05, then it must have expired in 2012...

I gave up and made pancakes.

Fast forward to later in the evening.
I'm still craving milk.
Tea with milk.
There's none in the house and I'm in my pajamas... then I remember a box of soy milk in the cupboard!

Dated 2011.

Maybe I can trick myself with instant hot chocolate?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I should know this answer by now

#32

A beardly boy asks you "what's the undertone I'm sensing to your patchouli? " and really means it.