Wednesday, December 17, 2014

People that you meet

I recently met a new friend.
And due to circumstances, nature and nurture and medication. .. they are for the most part emotionally neutral.

What does that even mean?

Well, for someone like me who feels too much- who senses your every flutter or shift of emotion, who can sense when you're "off" or your disinterest, who feels everything you're feeling... magnified. .. well, this is the greatest find, the greatest gift of friendship that can exist for this moment.

I don't have to guess.
And I don't take anything on.
I don't have to anticipate or react.
They are just open and honest and non reactive.

I love people. I love my job. I love my friends. But there are days when the act of being around people and absorbing their emotion is so exhausting.

But there is nothing to engage with but the actual person and the thoughts of this friend. And I just needed to write my relief down.

I spent an evening with this friend recently and after hours of talking I felt like I'd been to a therapy session... except, I've yet to find a therapist that I knew I could click with.... too much emotional transparency on their end, so I guess this is how some people feel after leaving the therapist. (I feel like everyone can benefit from a therapist, I'm not announcing my insanity)

No big conclusion today, no lesson to take away. Just really content and want to remember this.

Sunday, November 09, 2014

This is not my year

For supper tonight I was trying to "be good". I made up a big ole bowl of salad.

I was even excited to tuck into it.


I grabbed my favourite bottle of salad dressing (a vinegar and oil based one- surprising because I'm craving milk again) and started to pour it on... then had a moment of panic. The expiry date... is it "day month year or year month day or year day month?"
I stared in horror at the bottle for a few seconds, decided it was "year month day" and stopped feeling so horrified.

I mean.... I couldn't have a salad dressing that expired in '05... I moved into the house in 2009! The relief lasted for about half a bowl of salad. Till I realised that if it didn't expire in '05, then it must have expired in 2012...

I gave up and made pancakes.

Fast forward to later in the evening.
I'm still craving milk.
Tea with milk.
There's none in the house and I'm in my pajamas... then I remember a box of soy milk in the cupboard!

Dated 2011.

Maybe I can trick myself with instant hot chocolate?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I should know this answer by now


A beardly boy asks you "what's the undertone I'm sensing to your patchouli? " and really means it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Keep trying though


No matter how many cute dresses you buy, you're never going to be as adorable as Tannis.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

A quick thank you

 October is a month of crazy in Ontario if you're hip deep in the folk music scene. 
FMO- Folk Music Ontario wraps up the season of festivals with a conference designed to keep you from sleep while feeding you full of some of the best music our country has to offer.  I've written about it before- under it's old name OCFF. 

About half of these "Folkie girl problems" are from my own life... the other half credit is owed to a wonderful and silly group of friends that came together because of FMO. 

A big thank you to Emma Jane, Gaby, Shawna, Joanna, Rachel, Meghan, Ian, David, and all the beardlys we crush on.

A very thin line to tread


You don't know if your skirt is too Mennonitey to be folkie.

They're a thing.


You forgot to wear your "modesty shorts" under your sundress on a windy day at a festival workshop.

Just this.



Quick fix


Single people don't have different coloured lanyards.

Homework, word from a folkie boy


You go on a vinyl hunt with a smitten folkie girl and discover she's only interested in the french vinyl because she's doing research on her future boyfriend.

Wardobe grants are a thing, right?


The only outfit that looks good anymore is the same one in all your promo photos, youtube videos, live shots...

A word from a beardy man


You tell a gal you like her dress and you would totally wear a dress like that in your size and everyone thinks you're kidding.

We need a bigger hotel.


It takes longer than a three floor elevator ride to work up the courage to flirt.



You have no idea how to contact your crush post-conference/festival without calling their agent.

Should have learned the mandolin or uke.


You've found the prettiest shirt ever, but your giant guitar is hiding it.

I'm good, Get over it


If one more person says "you're a female bass player?"  ...

Monday, October 20, 2014

Might start grabbing strangers


The days following your favorite festival/conference/tour  "why is no one hugging me right now?!"

Eyes front soldier


The guy on sound is way more into the waitress than your mix.

Spot vs gels


How many pretty scarves can I bring to this gig? Is someone doing lighting?

Bring it just in case


You're going to a pot luck... should you bring your hummus?

The real duel


You keep tearing your tights on stray banjo wires.

Stubbornly resistant


Trying to return to normal life after a great music conference.

Every day


You aren't sure if this is a plaid and skirt event or a cute dress and boots thing. (Answer: jean jacket and blundstones)

Sunday, October 19, 2014

But you can


Your man crush just can't grow beardly enough.

Just. No.


Your man crush shaved off the beardy.

Run fast


Your two top beardy man crushes play in different bands and are showcasing at the same time on opposite stages.

And there's going to be a line up


You've really got to pee but your new favourite singer is in the middle of their last showcase.

And you probably brought it in the first place


The boys aren't sharing the whiskey.

Because guh.


Every time you go to a conference you end up standing beside cutie guy Tom Power in some random hotel room/hallway or showcase. And you don't ever talk because music.

Dream a little dream

I had a dream last night that I got high with this most random group of people. I've always been a second hand smoke kinda gal, waiting for it to be legalized in real life, so I was interested in knowing what would happen if I did smoke pot... thank goodness dream life cleared it up for me.

I remember taking my first hit... it was so hard to breathe it in, apparently my dream self had been given a special joint. Rice paper (the kind you use to make cold rolls) instead of regular rolling paper.
Getting the air to actually flow thru and deliver the smoke left me light headed from hyperventilating it in.
 I remember feeling like maybe I coul could let go, was this the pot? Was I high? 

And then i woke up (in my dream). 

What's this?
Dream self falls asleep when she gets high?
Dream self felt so relaxed. ..
Dream self's friends looked concerned.

"What? What's the matter?" I asked.
My friends backed away.

Turns out I murder people when I'm high in my dreams.
People who deserved it mind you,  but it was messy terrible stuff.. for some reason, dream self asked for all the details. For some reason, dream self had flashbacks to the events. Apparently dream self has a worse potty mouth than I do in real life.  

Then, when it was all said and done... I was allowed to "sleep it off" in my dream. There were no consequences. "Oh, it's ok, you didnt actually do it- you were high at the time".

I have got to stop watching Dexter before bed.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Folkie Girl Problems


You worked up enough courage to talk to that beardly man, only to discover that he doesn't speak English, and you've got cereal box french. "hi... uh... flocons de maise?"

Folkie girl problems


You totally wrote that lyric last year but didn't write it down or record it yet. Some guy heard it and used it. It's on his CD now.



You've signed up for so many conferences this year but they've all had name changes recently and you can't figure out which acronym you're attending this weekend.

Folkie girl problems


You're wearing the same plaid shirt and skirt as the person playing before you at a showcase.

Folkie girl problems


You left your blundstones at the front door, and now you can't figure out which ones are yours.

Fake it?

The beardly man you like is in a band with a sound that you don't like.

Monday, October 13, 2014

my toddler-like hissy fit

The weather is getting cold. Yesterday morning the house temperature got down to 15.5 degrees. I was hoping to not put on the furnace, so I boiled the kettle a few times- tea and a hot water bottle- and brought the temperature up over 16 degrees without too much of a problem. I love my gas stove.

But then last night it dipped back down to 15 degrees, and I finally conceded that it was time to turn on the furnace. I reluctantly walked the walk of shame to the thermostat- passing the gas bill sitting on the kitchen table, I winced. I calculated in my head how warm I could set it without feeling guilt, and how many days I could run the thing this month before I surpassed last October's usage... Lesson? I should keep my bills on the kitchen table all the time.

I flicked the little switch and waited for the roar of the furnace igniting.

I waited.
A little longer.
Turned the switch back to off, then back on again.

My pilot light had blown out two summers ago- resulting in my needing to call a repair guy... mostly because I didn't know at the time that my pilot light could blow out. At the time I asked him to show me how to light it in case it happened again. He told me it likely wouldn't- that it must have been quite the gust of wind to have blown down the chimney and put it out. Then he didn't show me. I'm guessing it was more to do with the fact that I had to pay him $130 for the visit.

I'm often told that I'm far too independent. I've even been told I scare men because of my independence... um... thanks? I think that was part compliment? Part "definitely not" a compliment.

In effort to break from that line of thought, and also because I'm sick of having to do everything for myself (waaaaaa! tantrum), I decided to put it out to the universe that I needed help. I asked my facebook friends if anyone knew how to light a pilot light.

What did I get? Mostly a bunch of people telling me to DIY and links to how-to videos. Then a second wave of "you're going to blow up your house" responses.

Dear universe. I ask for help, and I'm told to do it myself.
This is why I'm independent.

The cold eventually conquered any fears I had of lighting the gas heater back up, and after I got it lit I saw that two women had offered their husbands' assistance, which was very kind of them. I'll admit, there was a certain rush that I got when I finally figured out where the pilot was, got it lit, AND got the circulation pump turned back on (apparently I'd knocked it sometime over the summer too). When the furnace roared to life and the rads got hot... I felt smug. I felt smart. I felt independent.
Watch out boys.

Sunday, October 12, 2014


Dear October,
You haven't been particularly kind to the people in my life this year, you and your friend "end of September" have really been quite the bullies.
I'd like to propose a ceasefire. Cease-fire?  Whatever.
Just stop making things so tough.

Thank you for the turkey, and that the people I love are breathing and give great hugs. I guess you've got that going for you October... those gatherings of people who are dear.

Ok. I guess you aren't all bad.

Follow up

What did I do?

While I really wanted to do "J" -write a blog post and link to it on facebook,  I figured that was kind of crazy... and just me wanting to have more hits to the blog (being honest here folks).

In the end I totally signed out to lurk his profile... debated heavily with myself the pros and cons of mentioning a crush, and ended up sending a kindly message stating my surprise at the couple's separation- and (in a nod to the knowledge that half the guys on the site are married trolls) said if I wasn't supposed to have seen his profile I could pretend like nothing happened.

There's more to the story, but really what it comes down to is there are a whole lot of lonely people out there... even in relationships.

What can we do as community to help eachother not feel so isolated?
Seriously.  I'm asking for myself too.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Little help?

So blogland,  I've a question for you.
I already know what I'm going to do, and I'm headed to execute it... but I'd love to know how you'd respond.

A friend of yours is married, and until this moment you've no reason to doubt that he and his wife are anything but happily married. And yet, while browsing the ridiculous and entertaining free dating site, you discover your friend's photo.

Do you:

A) send him a hilarious message so he knows you've seen him there?
B) send him a wtf message?
C) announce your long time crush?
D) ignore his profile?
E) sign out so you can lurk his profile without his knowledge?
F) ask him in person if he's enjoy fishing?
G) say something kind but show your concern?
H) sign in under a fake account and hit on him?
I) send him a txt letting him know someone's stolen his identity and created a profile on a dating site?
J) write a blog post about it then link to the post via Facebook?

There's no wrong answer here folks.

Updated to add:
And no, I didn't choose just one myself.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Sunny days, or a misplaced confessional.

I haven't had to lose it on the demon dog in over 72 hours. I slept in till 7.
Some of my favourite people are home for the weekend.

Driving the same country road, the colours are amazing.
I look over and I see this man, again.
Painting in his garage, again.
My music is blaring, again.
My toes are cold, again.
There's the draughts pacing at their gate, again.

I haven't spoken anything other than a whispered "good boys" to the pooches yet today.

And I hear myself screaming "I'm stuck on groundhog day!"

Then madly laughing like a lunatic.

Sounds about right for a friday.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014


Not as light hearted as usual.
I'm feeling weary.
I know it's not about me, but I've taken on a lot of the pain and struggles of a number of my friends lately. Combine that with some unknowns in an already sparse relationship department- expectations and fear of disappointing others (since when did my own relationships have anything to do with OTHER people aside from myself and a partner? Sheesh, I'm more worried about their disappointment than my own at this point)...  I'm  mostly just a quivering mess of a person.

So I had a little melt down when I got to work today.

I was sent a message before work requesting a change to something, and knowing that I was walking into resistance to that change had me on high alert... then I walked in the door and was met with "you need to fix this" "Has someone [read: when will you] fixed this yet?" "what about this change?" and my favourite "they didn't tell me that so I'm just going to leave it [and thereby set them up for failure]".

So I told them I didn't give a shit.
And then in near tears shared some of the better news I'd been given in the past 24 hours just to put life in perspective.

Strangely I felt a lot better.

I think I need to get that hot tub fixed really soon.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Violation or just... weird?

A few nights ago my truck was broken into.

It's the 4th time it's happened, but it's the first time since I bought my house. At the last rental I was on a street that was quite busy with foot traffic, perfect for car break-ins. I don't lock my car, I don't want to pay the deductible if the windows are broken. I know... it's like I'm asking for trouble, but I don't leave anything of value in there.

The feeling of violation that comes from knowing that someone has entered your space uninvited, is one that gnaws quietly at you. An unease. I try to ignore it as much as I can... me being the um.. independent strong woman that I am.

And again like in the past break-ins, I'm kind of insulted. Nothing was taken. I think I've noted before, "thieves don't like folk music". What's wrong with my taste in music?! If they hadn't left open that secret compartment (the one I didn't know about) I probably would have chalked up the random reorganization of stuff to me losing my mind.

It's days later, I've finally opened the back of the truck. I'd glanced back there after the break-in, noted that the person hadn't taken my dirty socks or the blankets and camping dishes that have been living back there since the festival.. but I didn't bother to open it up and poke around.
I bought groceries today though, and opened the back door.... and found a pair of boxer briefs.

This is more disturbing than the break-in.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Books books books.

ok... nominated for the book thing... I don't usually do nominated games, I'm a spoil sport. BUT I do like books, and I think I was nominated like 5 times for this.  10 most influential books (or books that have stuck with me for forever)

1)  Haroun and the Sea of Stories -Salman Rushdie * Jeepers, I love that book. Go read it. Read it to your entire family. I made my roommates in university (a bunch of boys) sit and listen to me read it to them out loud. See if you can figure out how it ties into

2) The BFG- Roald Dahl  *I love books that are real made up stories. I love that all of Roald's books took me someplace and made me laugh... and still make me laugh and see with new eyes.

3) Clan of the Cave Bear/Valley of Horses Jean M. Auel * I read Valley of Horses before I read clan of the cave bear... The lead character Ayla has since then been in my mind as the perfect woman role model. I read it when I was in my early teens (oops, my parents forgot there was a lot of sex in that series) and I figured that to be a real strong independent woman, I should probably learn how to do most of the things Ayla did while she lived in that little cave by herself.

4) I heard the Owl Call My Name- Margaret Craven * This is my favourite book. Full stop. Read it, then let's talk about it.

5) Watership Down - Richard Adams *This one and the next book were read to me a few times by my dad as I was growing up. I loved the rumble of his voice while my sister and I would lean on him to hear the story. Plus I think this is where I first really started to love rabbits. And geeky things like made up languages.

6) The Hobbit- J R R Tolkien * see above... but insert the word "hobbits" to replace "rabbits".

7)The secret Garden- Francis Burnett *just a great story that I always come back to read, because for me, it's about a story.

8)The princess Bride- William Goldman/ S Morganstern * DID YOU KNOW THIS IS FUNNIER THAN THE MOVIE??? Read it, let's talk.

9) Foxfire series- Editor Eliot Wigginton * oh man. why wasn't I born in the Appalachian mountains? This was my bible for learning everything I needed to know to live in a small cave of my own someday.

10)The Island of the Blue Dolphins- Scott O'Dell *again, it's all about books with those young women learning amazing things and taking care of themselves. I got this book for Christmas when I was in grade 6, I was so pumped when it was on the reading list for grade 7... don't ask me how many times I've read it since... it's embarrassing.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Call backs

I have this problem at work.

Each and every time I work a day shift, if I go to the washroom, well, the phone rings, and usually it's an important call.

Taking phones to the washroom is gross.

Ok, I totally do have my cell on me when I go at work- it grosses me out but it doesn't stop me. It's the only minute I'll have to look at messages uninterrupted when I work an evening shift. So the last month and a half I've been keeping track of how often the phone rings when I go to the washroom... 8 of the last 10 visits.


I've also been keeping track of how many shifts in a row my coworker says the word "breakfurst". I had to start my count over because we had a single shift where she didn't say it... after 34 shifts in a row. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. But that's not the topic today. Maybe I should also keep track of how many times it's said on a shift? Maybe I should count how many other facts I'm keeping track of?

80% of the times I've gone to the washroom while working a day shift this month, someone has called. I decided to fight back.

I put both the work phones in my pocket with my cellphone when I took my trip to the facilities and the phones didn't ring.

Someone came to the door.

Note: visits to the door are a rare occurrence.  Lately we've been having a number of deliveries from a new company that employs a very handsome young man. I've requested that all deliveries be scheduled for my shifts.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Sweater weather

There are some sweet young women in my life that I am blessed to know. Each one is quirky, artsy, creative, smart, and kind.

Oh, and drop dead gorgeous.

The three of them are headed off to school in just one week. There is a flip flopping tidal wave of emotion and hormones that those girls are riding as two are headed to opposite ends of our giant country (and leaving eachother/their first love) and one returns for her final term.

These girls are also very silly and can make me snort in my laughter with them... at them. One tonight was trying to show us her "jazz hands"... but she has as problem getting the one hand to cooperate. .. so it's like a jazz hand. Or... nemo.  Really, that left hand is just waving goodbye.

It's muggy gross out. At work I wear layers to fight the air conditioning.  Today I chose a rather unfortunate see-through shirt under my sweater... I took off my sweater after one of the girls said the house was too cold with the a.c. running, it was on to get the humidity out of the house, it wasn't that hot, just so damp and gross. It meant I was in my see through shirt, but I really didn't care and, whatever.

Ruebendog was having a hard time getting settled. So much whining. 
So I brought him up on my lap for a squishing. It didn't work. I just got steamrolled. And covered in fur.

"But at least your shirt isn't so see-through".

*insert eyeroll here*

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Bunday June 2007- July 22, 2014

There once was a sweet old man bunny who lived his final days out in a tiny house. A house bunny unlike most, this rodent of unusual size frightened grown men and sent them running in terror- not that a bunny is a rodent, but "Lagomorph of unusual size" doesn't roll off the tongue in quite the same way.

This bun wasn't a mean bun, he never bit a human or a dog or a cat ... and never once chewed a power cable. He was happy to lay at your feet, waiting for you to lean over and give his ears a rub, or sit in a window sill watching the world go by. He would do anything for a piece of banana or a grape.He loved to steal scraps of fabric while his person sewed, or would run off with a ball of wool in his mouth while his person knit. He had patience enough to train two dogs to become his friend... one old lady dog and one psychotically bouncy puppy dog, and was clear to announce when he felt they were well trained (taking a year for each) by jumping over the baby gate that kept them apart.

This sweet old man bunny was named after the bunny in the book "chocolat",  lived for 7 years, grew to 21lbs and 3 feet long. He shed enough that his person friend could have spun wool enough for several sweaters. He needed a litter tray the size of an under-the-bed storage container and wore size medium dog clothes...

not that his owner ever dressed him up.


“My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today.” ― Richard AdamsWatership Down

Pontouff Pony

For more random bunny adventures over the years, click on this link:  Monday Bunday 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Witness to a crime

I love a late night walk.
I've seen the entirety of town beneath the streetlights.
Friends from less safe cities shudder at the thought of walking the streets after midnight. They worry.
A few weeks ago, not too late...  I was walking the town, bratty dog at my side,  when I was witness to a crime.
Sort of.
Standing outside the store was a young man in a hoodie. Hoodie up, face covered by shadows, smoking. He threw the butt on the ground, glanced over his shoulder and scurried in the shop door. It was weird. Nearly midnight on a friday. There were no cleaning vans parked nearby.
I looked closer, there were more figures lurking about in the store's shadows!
I slowed our pace. I didn't know what to do... do I call the cops? Do I call one of the store's employees? I tried to take a closer look.
There was something.. off. I mean, I try not to categorize people, I try not to think in terms of stereotypes... but one of the guys looked suspiciously like the guy from the computer store... and one looked like the guy from a rival trivia team who works at a local internet provider... one was drinking a bottle of pop. These guys were more geek than hoodlum.
But why were they lurking around in the dark in a bookstore?
I watched for a little while and decided that they probably weren't stealing things, or at least they weren't causing damage.
The next morning I mentioned what I'd seen to one of the store's employees.
Did you know there's Dungeons and Dragons group that meets on friday nights at the bookstore?
*edit to add: or maybe it's "magic, the gathering" *  

Friday, July 18, 2014

And she's up!

Well, I can show my face in public again. Today I finally got the hammock up. And... in the weird way that my world turns, things worked out perfectly.

Yes the first post, the one I broke, was in the "perfect spot" for a post, but once the new one was in the ground I realized that I'd avoided a pretty huge and equally humiliating error. The new post is another 6 inches back from the tree, behind the first post hole- with a few inches of clearance for the trailer to pass it on it's way through the backyard to it's parking space.

I hung the hammock from the chains on either end of it's neatly tied ropes. It's a huge hammock... part of the issue was trying to find a big enough space to put the freaking thing... I watched it swaying gently, high off the ground, surprised again at how big the hammock was, then slid myself onto it...

And sat on the ground.


Brand-spanking-new hammock has a lot of stretch to it's unused ropes.

Not to fear though, all was not lost! I just had to hang the hammock on the first ring rather than on one of the chain links. BUT.
If that first post hadn't broken, the distance between the tree and post would have been just slightly too close, and no amount of adjustments would have made that hammock swing freely. I'd be napping on the ground.

Yay for stupid mistakes!

*Now it hangs at dog-nose-height... this makes Ruebendog very very happy. I napped and he brought me little twigs, his toys and pieces of bark from his current favourite log... all things that he deposited on me while I slept.

Monday, July 14, 2014


I'll just say it wasn't my finest hour.

Last summer my big project was to build the new fence and gate and tear down the old one. True, I have to rebuild a portion of the fence... but I was pretty proud of what I did.

I thought ahead too. When I tore down the old fence I was able to save two fence posts to use for other projects... like, to fix another portion of fence. The posts were in great shape. One post went to the dump, it was kinda crappy and cracked after a decade of being a fence.

My goals this summer include the two repairs mentioned, a little back deck, and a hammock.

I want a frickin hammock.

Unfortunately I don't have trees the right distance apart, and while I've purchased myself the perfect hammock, I've either got to cough up the cash for a stand (nope) or, I can install a single post the right distance from a tree. If I do it right I can build a fold down table off the post to use by the campfire too.

So yesterday I bought myself some quick set cement, dug the hole, measured the post, cut the post, placed it, poured the cement, tried to jiggle the post to help get rid of bubbles.... and broke the post.

Broke the post in the quick dry cement.

Because I threw out the wrong post.

Every time I've stepped in the backyard (or even just thought about the backyard) since, well.. there's been a lot of swearing and stomping.

I've just dealt with the problem.
"Fixed it".

I had to dig down around the post enough that I could fit my hand saw below the soil level, but not disturb too much soil because I have to dig a new hole (for a brand new post) not too far from the original perfect post hole space, because.... well... it was perfect. Not to close to the berry garden, not too close to the campfire, not blocking the trailer's parking space, shade for most of the day.

I'm still swearing.

There's no photo evidence, it was too embarrassing.

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Bad wolf

Know when you just need a really good cry? Not for any one reason in particular,  maybe a run in with an old acquaintance or an off hand comment or an embarrassing encounter with someone you're interested in... in addition to the regular weight of life.

I've got a few tricks up my sleeve to bring on a good sob session. The sure fire way? (Get ready to geek out) Watching one of the two episodes of Dr Who that end in heartbreak on Darlig Ulv-Stranden.  The first one is where the Doctor says goodbye to Rose (for the first time), and the other episode is where he says goodbye (again) to Rose... and then leaves Donna with her family...
oh my nerves.
I weep openly every time.

So tonight I needed to drop the things I was carrying in my mind so I put on that second goodbye episode.
And right as soon as I was welling up, letting go... the dog went coo-coo-bananas. I'm talking sonic crazy.

It took me a good fourty five minutes to get him to chill out, and this was after we'd just gotten back from a long (embarrassing) walk. I still have no idea what his problem was, but he very nearly got himself rehomed tonight.

The show isn't nearly as sad when you watch it in short bits punctuated by a barking and spinning dog.

Monday, July 07, 2014

It happened more than once

March 20th

A late thursday confessional: one year for the pie off I didn't even bother to bake a pie .. I just played up the smack-talk and led people on with a gazillion pie posts on pintrest. It was awesome.

Friday, July 04, 2014

A bad habit

Sometimes I lie a little to get out of spending time with people I don't know/ people with the potential to take a lot of energy from me.

Wow. Seeing that written down makes it seem pretty terrible.

I'm a bit of an introvert and sometimes I've used up my emotional capacity for social excursions by the end of the day.

No, really. Stop laughing. If you're laughing we don't actually know eachother and I'll probably have to tell you a little white lie at some point.

Case in point, tonight. I spent most of the day supporting someone I know at their first chemotherapy appointment.  It took a lot out of them, and in turn, it took a lot out of me. It was eleven plus hours of being "on", upbeat and positive even when we hit a medical emergency snag that put us off course for hours. Yes, it's not about me, but at the end of the day the last thing I wanted to do was spend time with people.

*so of course I ran into several acquaintances on the way home.... including one who just got engaged and... wow.. seriously... I'm so shallow, I'm not even going to allow myself to keep that next sentence I typed on here*

At fairly-late-o'clock I got a txt from a person asking me to come over to meet some friends of theirs who were visiting from out of town, wanting me help with some music they were recording. Well, and to meet one friend who is apparently a nice single guy....

I just couldn't do it. And for some reason saying "I don't have the emotional capacity to be fun and flirtatious and focus on new music in this late hour of the evening" wasn't something I was comfortable saying.
No, instead I was comfortable lying.

"I'm already in bed", she typed while laying on the couch starting a movie.

Ok. So, I've got that to work on.

I'm in bed though for real now. I'm being eaten by mosquitos.  The Catholic upbringing in me is so happy to pay penance. The "terrified of crawly things in the dark" part of me wants to throw on all the lights once I've stopped my internal screaming enough to find the switch.

This is pretty much every week.

March 27

Thursday confessional: when I changed the sheets on my bed this week I found three books, a pen and a sudoku.

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Yeah, I'm still not sure.

May 22nd
Thursday confessional, I decided to hop on the smoothie-making train. Turns out there's a bit of a learning curve involved before you get it right. For example, I spent the first day staring at my blender and ingredients for several minutes trying to figure out how one actually goes about making a smoothie that ISN'T alcohol based. I'm not even kidding.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Canada day

This summer is about three things.

1) community

2) reading as many books as I can

3) drinking gallons of lemonade

Happy birthday Canada,  I've celebrated by doing all those things today.

Later edited to add: I just started reading the Griffin and Sabine trilogy and I'm deeply in love with the artwork and the story. I'm going to have to try to pace myself reading the next two books, to try to make them last.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Derpy Boys

These are my derpy boys.

Sure, I've got lots of cute pictures of them, but sometimes it takes a few tries to get a family portrait done right.

Friday, June 27, 2014

facial contortions

It's cherry season in Ontario... they're just ripening, those first few trees. The sours first. Then the sweeter varieties.  We're still just getting the US sweet cherries at the grocery store and I've been eating them by the bucketful. I think I'm also dosing myself with some form of penicillin, I forget to put the bag away into the fridge and occasionally as I stuff another handful into my mouth I notice there's some fuzzy crap growing at the stem.

I'm eating them anyway.

I also just brushed my teeth, so there's that awful thing that happens when you combine toothpaste and fruit. Face puckering and mouth smacking.

I'm eating them anyway.

There's this "half a tree" that grows around the corner from here. For the past 10 years I've been picking berries from it. It's overshadowed by some other scrub trees (hence it being half a tree) in an empty lot.  There's this ongoing conversation with the man who lives across the street who insists that we only get a good crop every other year. This is year three of what promises to be an AMAZING crop.  He says the tree goes thru a cycle. I don't bother to point out the "last frost date".

Year three of an early last frost date, no late surprises killing off the blooms.

I'm changing my walking route every day now to check on those berries. This year I want to try some sort of preserves... not just eat gallons of them daily for the week, so I've got to be prepared! Maybe I'll even freeze some and make some kick ass pie for next spring's pie off.

I'm going to drown myself in cherries.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Thursday confessionals

I have fond memories of the candy we used to buy as kids.
I think that's a thing in every generation right?

One thing we used to buy when we'd go camping or to the cottage was that MacIntosh toffee caramel stuff. Like a thick strip of tooth breaking sugar wrapped in a plaid box- green and red. It had scores marked into it so you could presumably break of a chunk and enjoy it. I think our parents bought it because they knew we'd have to gnaw for hours on the thing in silence... in fear of ripping our teeth from our head.

I found some at the dollar store yesterday. I was so excited... I'd forgotten about the part where my teeth would become trapped in the effort to enjoy it. I got it home and bit in and.... got stuck for a few seconds.  So I tried to snap off a piece. And just bent it.

The grown-up brain parts in me kicked in... I grabbed the cutting board and knife that was sitting on the counter and chopped that sucker up into enjoyable bites... sure, it shattered and the pieces adhered to the cutting board, but who cares? I'd won.

I spent all day yesterday savouring little bites of the stuff, prying the pieces off the cutting board with my fingernail or the knife. SO GOOD!

Last night I absentmindedly picked the last of the flakes off the board and popped them in my mouth while I talked with a friend. The last piece didn't melt.

It just... sat in my mouth.

I tried bending it with my teeth, maybe it was just a little more dried out than the others?


I spit out the offending piece into my hand... to discover it was in fact a dried out piece of raw chicken from the previous night when I'd used the cutting board....

I promise to wash all my dishes from now on and not leave them on the counter.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

It was totally meant to guilt people into coming to one.

June 12

Thursday confessional, I think everyone should go to a house concert at least once in their lifetime.

 Ok. Here's the confessional part, I think people who would rather go to a big stadium show once every few years vs catching amazing acts in a tiny venue on a regular basis for a fraction of the cost are... well.. kinda lame.
Not that this is meant to guilt someone into going to one. This is just my confessional.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014


In case anyone's counting.

I've been limiting much of my posting on facebook to Thursday confessionals.
It's time to bring them over here.... yeah, I know I said that last month. But this time for real.

June 19th, 2014
Thursday confessional, yesterday a bird crapped on my head. Kim wiped it off for me and I told her I was going home to have a shower. I lied. I spot washed it and had a nap instead.


Summer is finally here.

Late night walks with the dog are so much better than those past without one. I need to remember that when I'm complaining about him.

My town is asleep. Monday night at 12am.

I haven't seen a car or heard another person's foot falls in nearly 30 minutes.  Eerie.
A train grumbles and rattles it's way across the bridge.

I can't tell where my skin ends and the air begins.

The air doesn't move. Hot. Damp. Perfumed.

Lengths of my hair that didn't get caught up in my elastic are curling into spirals.
I reach up and pull on them, feel them bounce back. "Boing"... I even say it out loud. Thank you Ramona Quimby age 8, I'm never going to outgrow that joy.

We choose the side streets, overgrown sidewalks and alleyways, detour to go under low hanging trees, stop and smell every flowering bush, inspect yardsale leftovers... walk with the eyes of toddlers because the whole town is sleeping and we don't care.

Monday, June 23, 2014


Know what the funniest part is?
For the past few years I've written my blog-o-versary post months before the date... setting it to automatically post the morning of.

Ten years ago I was planning on heading back to Africa. I was heading to Togo in the fall to work with Wycliffe bible translators as a home schooling teacher for a Canadian family.
Ten years ago I was frustrated with email newsletters that had a tendency to bounce back and not send to anyone. Ten years ago I decided that I'd write here instead to keep my "prayer ninjas" up to date with my adventure.

It's been a lot of things over the years, a prayer journal, a venting ground, a record of loves and losses and growth, a safe place for me to try out putting my words down. I've seen my writing style change, my writing habits change, and my purpose for writing change.

To those of you who have stuck around for the ride and offered encouragement over the years,  thank you.  To my "internet friends" whom I wouldn't know without this tool, I'm so glad we have technologies. To those who've popped in and out helping my stat counter climb, thank you!

So. Ten years.
Can we do ten more?


Dear diary.


So I've been trying this thing where I DON'T pull out my phone at every event/thing that I'm doing. Trying to further my "not be busy" resolution. Actually, trying not to feed into the thoughts that life is busy "look at me and all the cool things I'm doing".

Except I've noticed two things...

1) people still seem to think I'm really really busy doing awesome things. These are generally people who have children and or other family type things going on. I dont have those things. So if I'm not out doing something.... I'm laying around reading books and drinking beer. Or watching Netflix and drinking lemonade. Or all those at the same time.

2) if I'm not recording fun events to some sort of social media platform, I have no record of it... and it'll be lost to me soon. Come on brain, let's work on those retrieval skills shall we?

So, I'm back here. Recording. Like with those piles of old journals from the years before ...oh crap. I missed my own blog-aversary didn't I?

*continuing to type but hanging my head with the shame and laughing at the perfection of it*

Here we have it, a point by point recap of the past week, in no particular order.

-toooooooo much work
-a random trip to hamilton for the kloetenanny (fantastically fun company and great event)
-did NOT meet any single men due to my own stupidity.
-a visit to my library from another little library curator (they left a special little postcard in the library with their charter number on it)
-a house concert in my backyard with Ian Foster.
-a hike where I forgot which trail we were taking. .. resulting in mamma Mel learning she can indeed breastfeed and hike at the same time.
-my dog got hit by a truck at the beach... after he chased it for nearly a kilometer
-sang and played at a fundraiser for the player's camp program.
-campfire with people who are dear to me, baring witness to their boy getting tipsy for the first time.
-ordered the hitch for my trailer.
-celebrated father's day.
-read 2 books
-made some music with a friend
-ended some uke lessons for the summer
-booked a new uke student for the summer
-got pooped on by a bird while out for tea.

And a million other things.

Now I've got to go figure out what to do for that missed anniversary.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Crash and boom

I nearly died this week.

We've been waiting for rain. The weather network has misled me time and time again this week. No real rain has come. My rain barrel is empty.
So on day three of rain warnings, I took the dog to the beach.

It was a low and foggy morning. My hair was in ringlets from the humidity but it still wouldn't rain.

I felt like I was walking in a cloud. The fog was so thick, I couldn't see 50 metres ahead. The dog was happy to run like a fool and kept nearish... I had a lot of treats in my pocket.

There are still so many midges down at the beach, and since there wasn't a tonne of wind that morning they hung in columns... and since it was foggy, I kept walking into them... so gross.

We walked to the west end of the beach and then headed down to the east point, our usual routine. We passed an eager couple. .. they looked like little kids, gleefully heading into the mist. I felt as bubbly and happy as they looked.... seriously, it's not often you get to walk on the inside of a cloud.

And then I felt them.
The freakin midges.
In my hair.

I started to lose my mind wiping at my hair. My scalp was crawling with the stupid little bugs. I don't know how many of them I've inhaled this year, and they were trying to get back at me for the death of their cousins. No matter what I did though, I couldn't stop them. They were everywhere. Crawling.  In my hair.

I couldn't actually find any of them. I mean, my scalp was crawling with them, lifting my hair, but my hands weren't finding them no matter how I picked at them.

I got all tech and pulled out my phone, desperate to find and rid myself of the squirmy feeling. I turned my camera to selfie mode and aimed at my scalp.... there were no bugs! I was so confused. I looked closer. No bugs anywhere!
I'd been swatting at my head for the past minute for nothing! 

As I pulled the camera away... that's when I noticed it.
My hair, all the crazy short pieces and wispy ends, was standing on end.
I lowered my hand holding the phone slowly and placed it in my pocket... and suddenly...


The loudest and closest thunder that I've heard in a long long time.

Monday, May 12, 2014


Know when you're laughing so hard you can't breathe. Or think. Or move. Or stop crying. Or stay continent?

I was out with dear friends for dinner and shopping on saturday night, well... we had dinner, apparently the stores close early on Saturday? 

Anyway,  I often forget past details. I've written about this before. I instead remember everything about the detail except the actual thing I need to remember.

So, we are out and I'm trying to remember the name of a musician who looks like someone I've recently met... except the person is a more handsome version.

Me: I can't remember his name. But I remember his albums...
(in my head- There's one with an apple. No.. I ate a lot of apples when I was first listening to the album... I can't tell them that part... ok... there's a lightbulb on the album...)
um... illuminate? Musician... 1997... '98,  uh.. goat boy... he kind of looks like a goat. Lots of hair. He played at Canada's wonderland.

Manda: I thought he was bald? I just assumed he was bald.

Me: um... uhuh uhuhuh.

Manda and Jen: what?

Me: his name! There are syllables!

Them: what?!

Me: clap clap   clap clap clap He has syllables!

At this point I'm trying to back my car into my driveway... but I'm laughing so hard there's no noise, and I'm trying not to pee myself... and I cant see because tears are streaming out of my eyes and my sunscreen is burning my eyes...

Thank goodness I live on a quiet street with no traffic... it took me a good 20 seconds to get the car out of the middle of the street.

Thursday, May 08, 2014

You GET me.

Slightly offensive, but pretty funny.

I love my people.
I had a nice dose of time with a few today, but the thing that made my heart swell with love was a message I received on Facebook.

      "I didn't have the nerve to post this on your wall, but it made me laugh. And think of you"

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

The sacred spaces

I was feeling pretty stressed by the time I left work tonight. Carrying too many thoughts and worries.

I did get the job.. so that's a huge amazing thing, but now until my old contract is filled, we're a little strapped for relief staff. Add the fact that another staff has moved and one full time staff is in the hospital and another is starting a vacation to Cuba... well..  I'm booked for 10 shifts in a row and it's looking like I could be asked to extend that and work my entire weekend off again.... making it a run of 13. I've done longer before, but I'm really trying to be aware of my emotional capacity for ...everything... it suffers when I don't have a day off.

So anyway... I was feeling worn. I nearly cried when I realized I might have to work Sunday in addition to Saturday. And my coworkers saw that, so I was feeling stupid for being so effected. Yes I'm excited about the full time contract but it took a lot out of me this past week wondering/waiting to hear. I didn't really have a back up plan.

But then... on my way home I remembered about a little group that was meeting at the firehall theatre... a little group of people getting together to sing. Taking time to work on audition pieces or songs from shows they might be in.

I turned my car around and went.

It was a small group. I'd missed the first half/warm-up.  But there were hugs. And smiles. And encouraging words. And singing. Together.

And I found an audition piece.

And I still don't know if I can even be part of the next show with my work schedule,  but I have people I can sing with, blend voices with, meet in that sacred space where sound comes out and blends and bends and is beautiful and is one.

So things are good.

My heart is full again.

More poking

I blame Henny.
She's a bit of a pecker.
She's now pecked two eggs in her life enough to puncture through the shell and the membrane. Today she just happened to peck one of the hatching eggs. Thanks jerkface. 

When I told a friend who knows me really well, she responded "by jerk [you] really mean sweet!"

So today I got to break a day 6/7 egg.

I was a little more careful breaking this one... did I mention the watery whites? I may have gotten squirted last time. Sadly Henny's pecking had broken the yolk sac too. This one was actually dead.

The yolk mixed with the whites making things harder to see this time. But if you google day 6 or 7 images of a chick's development. .. you'll literally get the picture.

I fed it to Ruebendog.
I should have thought quickly though... he lapped up all the goo, I totally could have gotten a better look at the egg alien before it too was licked out of the bowl.

Monday, May 05, 2014

Get me my poking stick.

Warning: vegans and some squeamish vegetarians may want to skip this post. Farmers and sciencey folks will be happy.

So I toy back and forth with the idea of eating my laying birds in the fall and buying new layers in the spring. With a tiny flock like mine, financially it works out to be about the same- $35 to feed the girls through the winter, or about the same to pick up 3 ready to lay birds in the spring... and I wouldnt have to spend time fighting a losing battle with ice and snow to keep them happy.
Two things hold me back, Cheepers is way more pet than potential food... the second reason is related, if I'm standing on principle that the birds are pets not livestock for the bylaw changes, I probably shouldn't eat the rest of my "pets" (until the changes to the bylaw happen.... )

Anyway, last week I decided to try hatching some eggs under my broody Cheepers. I got some fertilized eggs from the Mack's farm and marked them with a pencil before putting them under her.
That was Wednesday night.
I was clear that I took too many eggs early on. When one of the other girls would lay an egg, Cheepers would scoop it up too... pushing out one of the fertilized eggs from under her to make room. I took away one of the eggs the first day. Ruebendog ate it.

Sunday night I went out to the coop to get the eggs that had been layed that day, when I reached in the nest box I found that Cheepers had managed to scoop all three new eggs, and one of the hatching eggs was pushed aside. Cold.
No sense in leaving a now dead egg in the nest... it would just stink if I left it too long, so I brought it inside for Rueben,  figuring it would have a gross red spot in it, but he wouldn't care.

I failed to realize how quickly eggs develop.

I mean. Eggs are amazing.
They get layed,  and if they are fertilized they stop developing if the temperature drops below 80... and they just sit in stasis until the temperature goes back up. This means mamma hen can lay an egg every day for a few days, then get broody and sit on those eggs... And they'll all hatch on the same day!!!

So. My eggs were layed on Wednesday by a number of different birds, they were sat on Wednesday night... Sunday night...
4 days in (5 if you count that they were laid that morning and didn't really drop too far in temperature)

The first thing I noticed when I cracked the cold dead egg was that the white had changed consistency.  It was really runny. Like water. When it dropped into the dog dish I realized two other things.... I had no idea how long it took for a chick to develop... there in the dish was a tiny chick shaped blob about two millimeters in size... with a giant eyeball, and two bright red veins that reached well out into the white of the egg...

So gross.

So of course I poked at it.

About a second later I realized that a cold egg doesn't mean it's a dead egg.

At 5 days it had a heart.

A light fluttering heart making those tiny veins pulse.

I freaked out and fed it to the dog.

Be still beating heart.

The worst part is... I want to break open all the eggs one by one now to see how far they've developed each day.

Sunday, May 04, 2014


I visit every week... I have for years now.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who could have written them all.
And then there are weeks where I don't connect with any of them.

Thursday confessionals grew out of my love for post secret. We are all people. We all do weird things and hurt and love and eat and sleep and shit.
Love people.
Why not?

Saturday, May 03, 2014

Flip drip

I totally indulged at the book sale today.
I didn't over indulge, I came away with 6 books for me to read and pass on to the library, and two sweet little books to go right into the kids' section.

I've spent most of today looking forward to curling up on the couch with one of the new books. Well... that and dreaming of a nap in my non-existent hammock... but whatever.

As soon as I got home I let the dog out, grabbed some pillows, found a bookmark, and grabbed the first book from the bag. Then I let the dog in for story time. Story time because I've been finding my focus has been so bad lately that I need to read out loud to follow a story. The dog settled in and I got up.... grabbed the Kleenex box. I settled in... got back up for the trash can... I settled in again.... and read for a few pages... and then realized I was out of breath.

After a two day reprieve from allergies,  I was hit full force again tonight. Can't read out loud for too long because I have to breathe though my mouth!

Also I sucked two of those aweful little "no seeums" into my lungs when I was out for a walk tonight. The first one because I was breathing through my mouth (because of the allergies), the second when I started coughing and choking after sucking in the first bug.

Ok. I'm done complaining.  Honest.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Air waves

There's been some talk between myself and a dear friend about the possibility of starting our own radio program. Have I mentioned this before?

Mostly it would be hilarious, and when we tell people about the idea, they seem to agree that it would be awesome and they would even tune in.

Our town started it's own radio station. All volunteers,  it reminds me of a university or college radio station.  You never know what you're going to hear. One guy will make a comment about the weather... while not actually having looked outside all day or even glanced at a forecast.

Or someone will put the programming to "random" and you'll end up listening to a 60's piece, Aengus, then some serious opera, then a cowboy tune, then the Killers all in a row.
I text Aengus every time they play him.... because, why not?

Tonight I was singing along to "does your chewing gum loose it's flavour on the bed post overnight"  then "footloose" while we drove back from IKEA in the work van.

I tried to explain to my coworker about the station, how sometimes it's on random, and sometimes it's loosely connected... but when I got home tonight the Dj just... um... nailed it?

"I've got a run of ten songs coming up next... and they've all got one thing in common... it's a loose thread but they all have one tiny syllable in common... they all have one syllable names!"
"First up, a tune by "Ben Fold's Five"....

I was already laughing when the song started, so I still don't know if the dj swore on air because he realized his clever tie-in was ruined with the first song, or because the band dropped the F bomb in the second line.

I love radio.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014


I have an interview in less than two hours for a job I've already held.
A job that due to the most horrendous and unfortunate of circumstances I should have been working until this coming October. I've only been out of the position for over a month.

Out of principle, no one else from my program is applying to the position, they feel its mine, but due to policy it was posted to the larger community and I'm up against 3 other people.

I'm really quite nervous about this.
These interviews are points based. What if I'm off my game? What if.
Recently the interviews have changed. Where before questions were theoretical, "what would you do in this case?", questions have moved to "name a time where you...".  Ug. I have the worst memory for details of the things I have done!  I can tell you what needs to be done, and in the moment I do what is supposed to be done... but.. I can't tell you the details around an event!!!!
I've spent the last two days trying to remember an event that happened at work where afterwards I was praised by my manager, another manager, and the behavioural therapist. .. the event was brought up at a team meeting as a "this is awesome, learn from this moment"  And I friggin can't even remember what it was that I had said that was such a big deal.

I know how to do my job well. Really really well.

But I'm not super talented in remembering the sort of details they're going to be asking for.

So. In less than 2 hours I go to an interview.

And I may not get the job.

And I'll be disappointing myself and the rest of the team if I don't get it.

Grumble grumble. Points based. Grumble grumble this is my job. Grumble grumble new interview style. Grumble grumble still going to have to interview for the SAME job again in one year.

Monday, April 28, 2014


Last night I had a nightmare that I had a spider crawling across my face, I woke up to find my nose dripping, no... running, across my face.

A stream of snot from my nose to behind my ear.

I have never had allergies like this before.

I haven't tasted anything in weeks.

I caved out of desperation.
I bought a neti pot.

I've heard amazing things about them, promises that my sinuses would be flushed clear, reduced allergy symptoms.

Um. Yeah... once.
I've gotten it to work once.
One time the water has gone into my sinus and run out my other nostril.
One time only.
My sinuses are so plugged that the water can't even get into my sinuses.

I bought my fourth box of Kleenex this month. The month isn't over yet.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014


A day off.
Sleeping in (sort of)
Lazy showers
Movies on the couch
Surprise visits from lovely people
Adorable ukulele students
Yard work
Cold wind
A walk at the beach
A burger

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Little boxes

Disclaimer: this isn't a "poor me, someone build me up" type post. This is me just trying to figure things out.

Most of my life is compartmentalized.  Not on purpose. It's just happened like that. Especially the relationships in my life, very few crossovers happen. Festival friends, work friends, family, theatre, music, others... there are a handful of people who've seen into all those groups. A handful who put up with me on my weirdest days. A handful who know me really well, who listen even to my silence.

We had Easter dinner as a family this weekend.

Turns out my step niece doesn't know my name after 8 years of family dinners.

There's a right fit for all of me and my parts somewhere... right?

Friday, April 18, 2014

Strummy tummy

A month or two ago our pub switched from karaoke to an open mic night.

"Our pub".
We've been doing this for 3 or 4 years now. Meeting every week for a drink and maybe some apps.
Our pub has changed a few times. The favourite place closed a few years ago and we moved to the dirty place... then we got tired of always having the grumpy waitress... so we moved to our current location. The jail.
Our first 7 months there the place was empty all the time, but since they've added entertaining activities we've seen fluxes in the attendance. 

And now it's open mic.
So much more civilized than karaoke night. The people who get up there have worked hard to get to the point where they feel comfortable enough to share their skills. They aren't up on a drunken dare, and the sound is pretty good.

One of the pubcat jailbirds suggested I get up and play a "Leslie and the Lys" piece, I laughed it off.

It's one thing to host an open mic type event (like for uke jam) and another to enter someone else's space. With uke jam I'm someone else. I play the part of the entertainer, my job is to put others at ease. Same with playing in church, or jamming with friends.... there's no repercussions or expectation, everyone there is there with you. I don't think "repercussions" is the term I want...
An open mic has expectations.
And it's not "my" people.

I was never going to get up and play, I wasnt ready, but I spent the next 45 minutes having a mini panic attack as I went thru all the emotions as if I were prepping to take the mic.

So weird.

Maybe it means when I do go up, I'll have filled my quota of scaredness.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Romeo and Juliet

Once upon a time, a boyfriend of mine hit a bird with his car and killed it. He send me a text right after it happened. .. back in the days of T9 txting and driving.
I made fun of him.
I'd never killed anything while driving.
Oh... I had fun with that..mocking him, for about an hour.
When a bird dive bombed my car on hwy 2 into port hope and I hit it good and dead.

Spring has finally arrived. Ok, so I read it might snow on tuesday, but we've finally had warm weather and the snow is nearly gone. The birds are in love, everyone and everything is twitterpeted.

I decided to give my car a good cleaning on friday. The dog has managed to cover every inch of the interior of the car in sand and fur from our beach visits, it was about time.

I backed the car in the driveway as usual, opened all the doors and started to vaccum.
While I was vacuuming I realized that my only vacuum joke was about how badly the thing sucked, and tried to come up with some other punny statements knowing how lame that one was... except my vacuum does suck. It doesn't really suck up dirt anymore. It's a crappy vacuum.

I was standing on the driver's side of the car, between the two open doors, wiping something when it happened...

Two of those twitterpeted love birds were soaring around the yard. Squeaking and tweeting and flying like maniacs, they flew thru the gate and
flew right into the window inches from my head

And fell to the ground dead and dying.

One dead.
One dying.
Two dead robins.

What was their backup plan if the windows had been open? Fly into the side of my head?

I threw their little bodies in the garbage after considering tossing them to the chickens. I just didn't want to clean up after those little velociraptors after they'd eaten their fill.


Saturday, March 15, 2014


Spent the evening woth a mix of festival and players friends at the Burnham farm... 3rd annual st.patty's gathering. Low key, fun, sober.

I know I'm in love with the people that I'm with and that I'm not spending enough time with them when I go the entire evening without checking my phone or updating something social media wise.

This isn't growing up... this is getting over the interweb connectedness.

Monday, March 03, 2014

Who's in the house?

Carman's music is laughably awesome. 
(Who's in the house? J.C!)

Last night marked the end of our run of Jesus Christ Superstar.  I haven't spoken to another human being since last night... I hate this part... sort of wandering without purpose, the last of the communal energy dissipating, the drying well of physical proximity and touch.

Trying to pretend to be a normal person again.

Not really ready to put the effort into being with people who haven't been down the rabbit hole themselves.

Friday, February 28, 2014


I awoke to a most beautiful sound this morning... a bird chirping outside my window.

Spring has hit me hard... since last week when I saw a patch of grass on a south facing hill, I've pretty much been a bear in heat.

It was a strange little bird song though, kinda chirpy but not... um.. right.

I poked my head out the curtains to discover the neighbour screwing something into the railing of her porch.


Monday, February 17, 2014

the pain

It's still a death trap out there.

Last night we moved into the Capitol Theatre after months of rehearsing at the firehall theatre- Opening night for Northumberland Players' presentation of Jesus Christ Superstar is just 4 days away. While we were there I pointed out a rug that had been taped to the floor in the green room, " a few years ago during Sweeny Todd, one of the girls slipped and broke her elbow during the show... now there are rugs." We chatted about how terrible it would be to have to quit after so much work went into the show.

On the drive home I was talking with another cast member about how the dog was suffering the winter "we're not walking as much, he gets one short walk each day but I'm just so nervous with the ice on the sidewalks". Her neighbour just doesn't walk his dogs all winter and they go insane.

When I got home I got Rueben ready for his evening walk- long line and harness at night, no need for a short leash.

Two doors down from my house I stepped onto the sidewalk and landed firmly on my hip, my wrist taking a jolt. The dog trotted over, sniffed my face and walked away.

Nothing's broken thankfully, my wrist is tender, my hip bruised... my pinky finger is not broken (I thought it was in the moment last night)... and the dog isn't going for any more walks till this show is over.

Saturday, February 08, 2014


I don't know if you ever watch these things... I keep forgetting about them, then I have a bunch to catch up on when I get back around to them.


Friday, February 07, 2014

(A late) Thursday Confessional

This one is so so good.
I nearly posted it last Friday when it happened... then as is the case, things got a little busy and I forgot to take the time to type... Wait, that's not totally true- I started watching "go call the midwife" on Netflix and I stopped doing anything productive.

So, remember that time I bought a car and was so excited?  I'm still excited.

I was feeling a little down, when after having the car for just over a month... the windshield wiper fluid stopped pumping. I filled the darn reservoir thing, I even popped the hood and listened for the pump to turn on when I turned the wiper thingy.

It's obvious that I know a great deal about cars. I know how to pop the hood, I know how to fill the reservoir, and I know that the thing that you turn to make the wipers work is called a "thingy".

The pump wouldn't turn on. The one for the back window would, and I'd watch with glee as the fluid would spray the back window... totally useless though as it's a wet snowy winter here and the FRONT window is what I need to keep clear.

I spent a week throwing snow on the windshield every time I stopped (so it would melt and I could clear the window), then I just got in the habit of pulling over at every service centre and wiping the window at the pump. I even drove to the city with Manda and Jen for our vacation... and pulled into random service centres along the way.

I bit the bullet and decided that I was going to take the car in last Friday to get looked at. I had a few errands to run with a friend first, one of which was a fill up at the pumps...  Friend asks me what my milage is like in town... and I realize I've only kept track when I've gone on the highway, so I reach over to reset the trip ticker... and knock the windshield wiper thingy with my arm... setting off the wipers in a full glory show of wiper spray and clean windows...

In this new car, I'm suppose to pull the thingy, not turn it.

So when I first got the car I knew how to work it... and then forgot after a month... and then spent FOUR WEEKS not knowing how to operate my car and being too slow to get it looked at.

Have I mentioned the manual is in french?

Thursday, February 06, 2014


Dear self,
As entertaining as it is, you've got to sign off the dating site now. We are heading into Saint Valentine's day celebrations and things are about to get all crazy pants on the interwebs. The strangest of the strange are lonely...lonelier than you will ever be. Let's back away now... before someone pulls out a gun or before you agree to flash your boobies at a stranger.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

And I'm not even taking larium!

Last night I dreamed that I had twin babies... easiest delivery resulting in a boy and a girl.
The unfortunate part? The girl was so tiny that I misplaced her in the first 2 hours, and the boy was the size of a 3 year old... with tattoos. Breastfeeding was difficult... considering the girl was actually a moth (I found her a few days later dried up behind the garbage can) and the boy just really wanted to go play.

I think I may have suffered from some sort of post-partum problems... I left them and walked to the grocery store for the afternoon.

Friday, January 31, 2014


It's friday night... I'm in my jammies knitting on the couch listening to the cbc.... does anyone want to adopt me as their grandmother?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

At the end of the sidewalk/ Thursday confessional

Sometimes I actually wake up early enough to shovel the entire block's sidewalk. I've mentioned it's a race to clear out my elderly neighbours' place, John and Bernice, to the south of me? A race against neighbour Greg who lives to the south of the elders. 
Who will get John and Bernice's sidewalk and driveway cleared first? I rarely win ... unless Greg is away... usually Greg has my entire sidewalk and driveway shoveled by the time I've opened my eyes.
Sometimes for fun or maybe for spite, I shovel the sidewalk of the Odd woman who lives beside meto the North. She hates it.

She only started hating it this winter, she's retired and wants to use the shoveling as "a way to get some exercise". Previous winters she would just glare at me from her front door while I shoveled her out... sometimes she'd open the door, then slam it shut if she saw me.

It's still snowing. It's snowing again.
In french these two sentences are the same.

Today I was shoveling my own driveway when the odd woman began yelling at me. "Do you let Greg shovel your sidewalk?"
Me: I love it when he shovels my sidewalk!
Odd: (yelling angrily) I keep telling him to stop but he does it, I want the exercise. Why does he do it? It's my sidewalk, he should just mind his own business.  Then there's farmer bob over there (gesturing madly to Darrell's house) making a mess! (Darrell has a plow and plows out the end of our driveways and creates a parking space on the road... the town plows have pretty much reduced us to a single lane) People can't even be considerate.

She alternates between yelling and mumbling rude things about the neighbours for a while. Each time I turn away to leave she calls out to me.

At this point I've got my back to her while I shovel because I can't handle how negative she is. She's rebuffed several of my attempts to remind her of the way people are being kind to each other on the street.  I make some comments about how nice it is to have neighbours who like to help each other.
She starts yelling more angrily.
Odd: they need to leave me alone! People putting their business where it doesn't belong.
Me: are you mad at me for something?
Odd: (still yelling) no I'm not.

She starts complaining again...(more yelling...  Bernice is now watching out her door and the woman who lives on the corner waves timidly to me as she pulls her car out of driveway)
Me: why are you yelling at me?
Odd: and then my door was frozen shut and farmer bob just watched me. Just watched me! I had to carry buckets of boiling water to get the ice off my car. And no one even offered to help. Everyone here is so rude and inconsiderate! Worst neighbours ever! Can't even be bothered to help me. My car was frozen shut for two days.

Me: why are you yelling at me? You keep saying you don't want help.
Odd: they shouldn't just sit there. I'm a single woman, someone's got to help me

Me: (very frustrated and loudly) you have to decide... you just yelled at me that you didn't want any help and that we're rude and inconsiderate for trying to help you and now you're yelling and complaining that no one helps you. You can't have it both ways.... you are being inconsiderate to people who are trying very hard to be kind to you.

I turn away and keep shoveling....

Odd starts singing a cheerful tune. She's won... She's made me as angry as she is.

I've made her day.

Thursday confessional? It still felt really good to tell her off.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

This land is your land

My news feed today is filed with the stories of my friends' encounters with Pete Seeger.  I've had this sad half smile all day, reading how inspired they all were by him... reading the funny little ways he touched people's lives.

94 is a ripe old age.

What a wonderful gift he gave us. Music and change. Strength to be loud and sing for what we believe. Beautiful. 

I feel like I have so much to learn about/from this man. And I feel a little ashamed that I know so little about him personally. I know the sweeping things, what he stood for and who he influenced... I've sung his songs around a million campfires... but I feel like his is a story that should be known.... you know?

Monday, January 27, 2014


Power has been out for more than an hour... the roads are snow drifts.

I think we'll just stay put with a good book today.

Friday, January 24, 2014


Last weekend I escaped to the city with two of my girlfriends. It was a wonderful time away, lots of laughing and just a very sweet time with some lovelies.

While I was gone Rueben went to doggie daycare. I love sending him there ,he has a great time, and he comes back tired.

When I picked him up on Sunday he came to the door and it was obvious that he'd been playing hard. His ear fur was all covered in slobber and matted to the sides of his head... and he'd been sprayed with the dog-fabrize... a dog covered in perfume.  I took one look at him and the owner of the daycare sighed... "you've got to do something about that dog... I got a complaint". 

Yup. Months later and my dog still smells like skunk.

* it's only when he gets covered in slobber or soaking wet ... He plays too hard and the slobber activates the stink and then it gets all over the other dogs and then all the dogs smell like skunk.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Thursday morning confessional:

This week I actually used "Well, I'm having no luck facebook stalking him... so I'd better walk away before I get creepy"  in a message to some girlfriends in regards to a young man I keep running into around town.... then I spent another 4 minutes trying to find him.

no luck. In case you were wondering.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Thank you Mr. Duvet

I've become one of those people... I'm laying in my bed under my warm duvet while outside it's minus a million... The computer balanced, um... possibly unsafely, at the foot of my bed.

I'm watching Dawson's Creek in my bed with a bowl of cheesies.

Who have I become?!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014


For the fashion declined, like myself, there's this season's newest option... Wearing your hoodie backwards so the hood acts as a cowl at the front.
Awesome? Yes.
Comfortable? Yes.
The way I dressed this morning? Yes.

When I was young we looked at the thermometer outside the window to figure out what the day was going to be like... now I try to avoid the interwebs and the cries of fear "POLAR VORTEX" ... so much news information and fear. I can't stand it. That be said....  I'm afraid to go outside today.
It's so cold again.
And I know that I was talking about this last time it got cold... but... but..
There's a 42 degree difference between my backyard and my living room... That's like a 55 degree difference when you include the wind chill and my duvet.

I have a duvet.
It's only taken me a gazillion years to get my own.

This weekend I headed "into the city" with some girl friends. We all needed a change of pace, and thanks to the wonders of hotel points, we had free rooms. We also had a gift certificate for the Keg. Throw in a trip to IKEA (where I caved and bought my duvet) a trip to the LCBO (complete with being carded)  and too many laughs... well, a trip to scarborough has never been so much fun.
Who goes to Scarborough for a vacation?!

We did.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Thursday Morning Confessionals

I started doing something on Facebook about a month ago, "Thursday morning confessional". The whole thing is silly, but it feels good to tell a truth once a week that I might otherwise keep to myself... sort of a Post Secret feel.

This week's offering:

Thursday morning confessional: this week I bought a gingerbread house kit on sale for $1.99. I don't plan on building it before I eat it.

This little tidbit got 50 "likes". How weird is that?
I think I might post them here each week... just for fun.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Intervention time

yup, I've been spending too much time on that dating site again.

How do I know it's too much time?

I very nearly messaged a guy because his profile said "I'll take you to Rinos on my sled".

Post Script
Yes, he lived in BoDiddly... Yes I love chicken wings.
For the non-Canadian readers, by sled he meant his skidoo. For the non-Northumberlandites, Rinos is a pub on one of the nearby lakes.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Arctic Animals

It's only the 16th of January and I'm already so sick of walking like a penguin.

4 days before Christmas we were hit with a major ice storm. Usually things like that come and go with the fluctuations in temperature that we are blessed with here in Central/East Ontario- lake effect.

Not so this year.
Sure we had a warm spell yesterday and the ice started to melt... but it only STARTED to melt... the top layer becoming a puddle... but still ON TOP OF THE ICE. So, now that the temperatures have dropped, I have a hockey rink in my backyard. I could ask the zamboni driver to make a stop at my house as he drives around the block (because he still drives back and forth down the street to the rink) just to ... even out some of the potholes in the ice. 3 inches of ice in most of my backyard. SOLID.

And now it's "boyfriend snowing" out. Big fluffy romantic flakes. Masking the death that lies waiting to fell me to the ground, head gashed open... big dopey puppy bounding over my smashed body... "are we still going for a walk?!"

Big dopey puppy has been on backyard arrest for nearly 3 weeks- since the ice came. He doesn't understand why we're not walking... or why when we do... I walk like a penguin, ever so slowly. So now he's taken to escaping from the backyard- totally out of boredom. He's jumped the composter, and learned how to open the back gate (I've since tied it shut).  I got a call yesterday morning... "I think your dog escaped, he was playing in traffic so I brought him in my house". Of course he was playing in traffic. Thank goodness my phone number is on his tags. Every tried to buy your dog a treadmill? Don't try to do it in the months before or after New years.

I just miss walking down the street with confidence.
I'm sure my ligaments are getting shorter with each passing day, soon my stride will be perma-penguin.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Hear that?

If you've never worked with sound, it's ok. Just ask for some help from someone who has so you can grasp the basics.
A sound tech type person will always geek out at the opportunity to talk about their favourite craft.
I was asked last week to sing at a friend's church with a group of people. So nice... what a lovely boost to the confidence to be asked to do something like that. While there I had one of those moments involving sound equipment where I had to bite my tongue.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on sound systems.
Sound bounces off of things... moves around a room.. and acts differently in every set up.
While we were getting ready sunday morning, the man in charge of sound related things at the church plugged in some mics.
When there was feedback he replied "there shouldn't be feedback, we just tuned the whole thing up last week".
I just read what I wrote. Only sound techs are going to get it.... This makes me seem like a snob.
My ears hurt when the sound mix is bad. Please ask for help.. I'll always help you.

Friday, January 03, 2014

Freeze thaw repeat.

This morning when I went downtown to buy some eggs (the chickens are still on vacation) I was hit with something.

There's a difference of more than 40 degrees Celsius between the temperature I'm trying to keep in my house and the temperature I'm trying to keep out of my house.

And that's not taking into consideration the "wind chill factor".

This morning was one of those dry crunchy snow days. So cold that the snow squeaks when it's stepped on. So cold that the first breath punches you in the upper respiratory tract, leaving you fighting not to cough....for fear of the gasp for air that comes after that cough. So cold that any moisture inside your nasal cavity freezes as you breathe in, thaws as you breathe out, and the exhaled breath freezes your scarf into a solid piece of cardboard which then threatens to beat you in the face with the next gust of wind.

I didn't go out much today.

photo taken of my neighbour's yard two days after the ice storm. That birch tree is taller than the house, but the ice pulled it to the ground. Half of it has bounced back, and half has snapped. 

Thursday, January 02, 2014


One time this guy was staying at my house and he decided that he wanted to get something from the pantry. I told him to "be careful, the stairs were right there" and the next thing I heard was this horrible crash as he fell all the way down the stairs .... backwards.

I've never really understood when people have said they "ran into a door". 
Last night I totally ran into a door.

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

just a wee lad

The year is still so young.
How come it feels like eons since last night?

So, resolutions. You got em?

This year I resolve to:

-Enjoy the things I enjoy. as guilt free as possible.
-Try to speak up better on my own behalf.
-Figure out a way to make life financially feasible *

*note: I'm getting by just fine, and my financial adviser says that when I retire I'll actually be better off than I am now.  Maybe what I mean is, I want to find a healthy balance that doesn't leave me worrying.... ok... leading to...

-Worry less.
-Make out big time on New Year's eve 2015 with some handsome devil.

Maybe I need to think of these as intentions again, instead of resolutions. If only to lessen the pressure. Last time I was successful at a "resolution" was 5 years ago when I resolved to "eat more cheese". I've never been so successful with something as I was that year.

New things

A new year.
This was my 5th collage party. A night of beauty all around me. Beautiful people, amazing creations. 

I missed last year's party, but last year I was with 4 lovely women at the cottage... that was a beautiful time... so it didn't feel like I was "missing" anything.

This year I just didn't feel creative.  I came with a plan for one project, then sort of gave up after I halfheartedly finished it.
Every year I struggle to create something, and every year there's something not quite right with my results. .. not that there's a right or wrong where art is concerned, but I shouldn't be forcing it. I was missing the ladies from the cottage. Women who mean the world to me, but who can't be a part of this community for reasons I don't understand.

So. I'm starting the year off "meh".
It can only turn around from here right?
I believe the phrase has been "duck you 2013". Or something not so censored.