Sunday, May 12, 2013

deep down

I'm in a play that's wrapping up today.
A series of monologues called "More Work Than a Puppy".

I've tapped into an emotion (Anger) that I don't often use. Anger scares me. I've seen a lot of it around me, and in my teen years spent too much time on the receiving end to be comfortable with it. Not that anyone is ever comfortable with anger.. just that I've seen the rage and have been so terrified by it, that I fear who I'd be if I ever allowed myself to face it head on.

My character in this show loses her shit on a man... like... LOSES HER SHIT. Friends who've seen the show have come to me after and said they're a little afraid of me, that they've never seen me get mad at someone in the first place, so seeing this rage is almost too much. I have to remind them I'm acting.
Am I acting?
Does this live in me?

Pulling this from within me has felt So Good. After each show I can't stop laughing, I'm giddy, I'm ... probably ready to take on anything... I'm ... ready to lose my shit on whoever deserves it. Is that me?
And pulling this from within me has also made me so aware of each and every emotion on a ridiculous level. I'm already hypersensitive to emotions from other people, and now I'm hypersensitive to my own? This is messy.

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