Friday, July 04, 2014

A bad habit

Sometimes I lie a little to get out of spending time with people I don't know/ people with the potential to take a lot of energy from me.

Wow. Seeing that written down makes it seem pretty terrible.

I'm a bit of an introvert and sometimes I've used up my emotional capacity for social excursions by the end of the day.

No, really. Stop laughing. If you're laughing we don't actually know eachother and I'll probably have to tell you a little white lie at some point.

Case in point, tonight. I spent most of the day supporting someone I know at their first chemotherapy appointment.  It took a lot out of them, and in turn, it took a lot out of me. It was eleven plus hours of being "on", upbeat and positive even when we hit a medical emergency snag that put us off course for hours. Yes, it's not about me, but at the end of the day the last thing I wanted to do was spend time with people.

*so of course I ran into several acquaintances on the way home.... including one who just got engaged and... wow.. seriously... I'm so shallow, I'm not even going to allow myself to keep that next sentence I typed on here*

At fairly-late-o'clock I got a txt from a person asking me to come over to meet some friends of theirs who were visiting from out of town, wanting me help with some music they were recording. Well, and to meet one friend who is apparently a nice single guy....

I just couldn't do it. And for some reason saying "I don't have the emotional capacity to be fun and flirtatious and focus on new music in this late hour of the evening" wasn't something I was comfortable saying.
No, instead I was comfortable lying.

"I'm already in bed", she typed while laying on the couch starting a movie.

Ok. So, I've got that to work on.

I'm in bed though for real now. I'm being eaten by mosquitos.  The Catholic upbringing in me is so happy to pay penance. The "terrified of crawly things in the dark" part of me wants to throw on all the lights once I've stopped my internal screaming enough to find the switch.

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