There's a high possibility that I could be moving out there again. For sanity's sake. For space, for ... Yeah. No, really that's the only reason. Space.
Physical and emotional.
This is a tiny apartment.
But for sanity's sake... I don't know if I can take it. Last fall when i moved out, I was ready to burn the fucker down as i closed the door behind me. It's a tough way to live, and kudos to those who choose to do it long term.
No running water, no electricity, no fridge, no real cooking space, no actual sitting space. Running out of data on the first week of my cycle. Random areas of the trailer with no reception. No shower. Lugging jugs of water for drinking and cleaning. Everything damp all the time, bugs. Dear sweet baby jesus... the spiders and ants. FLYING ANTS IN MY BED. Spiders running across my face as I fall asleep. The mice.
The chewing mice.
The pooping and peeing mice.
The dog fur.
The bed, slightly off kilter... the entire trailer tilted. My band, "heavy cheese poops and the blue splashback" aka "justin" aka the "just in time porta potty".
There are some great parts to it too. I don't need to be quiet getting up in the morning in the trailer. Once I got lights in the trailer I was able to read late at night, and I could have all the lights on when I woke up (again.. this is a very tiny apartment). Not worrying about what sort of mood everyone is in. The garden just a few feet away. I am so much more active when I live on our land, with no real difference between indoor and out, I'm always puttering doing something. All the fresh air. Tromping around with the dog. Up early. Falling asleep tired. Sleeping on my own bed (mattress)... sleeping in anything other than the twin bunk beds that I currently fight. The quiet. The fireflies. The butterflies. The rhythm of the land around me.
I don't know.
Do the pros outweigh the cons?
I don't have an answer.
But I don't want to live in the fucking trailer. I want to live in my house. Insert temper tantrum here.
I remember how excited I was was I got the trailer from Mikey. The first year and a half with all his shit still in the bathroom/storage area. That first cleaning out of the trailer... oh man. It was so gross. Heck, the adventure trying to drag that thing to our property! Stopping partway home because the awning bars had fallen off the side of the trailer. Gunning it in hope that it would make it up the hill on 23.
(I'm not looking for comfort or words of encouragement, I'm writing for me, and for a record.)
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