Post - real life

Sometimes I talk in terms of things being "post-production" (show,festival,event).

I've been on spin cycle since my last blog posting. So much so, that I haven't taken the time to write about that which has eaten my days.hours.minutes.

That note about some "big news"? It's the biggest of my life.

When the board of SVFF started to break up, the last remaining members approached me and asked me if I was interested in the role of Artistic Director for the next festival. This was at the Jonathan Byrd show that I put on at the Mill, a show I was already immensely proud of putting together. (I'd never done something on that scale and I was so pleased with how it turned out)... then  I had to sit on the information for a month.

The board turned over and the last of that old board left. The new board approached me and asked me to write a proposal. .. where did I see the festival going? What did I intend to do with it?

I wrote a proposal. .. and next thing I knew I was handed a festival.

Just like that.

It has been the most ass backwards crazy ride ever.

I could go on for pages about the roadblocks left for me, the lack of information, the attacks on my work ethic, the sabotage of the position, and more... but it's not worth it. I choose to be above that crap.

I put my absolute everything into this year's festival.

And I'm so proud of what I accomplished.
Of what we accomplished.

It was beautiful.

And I'm a wreck.

Please no.

I've just come back from a fantastic weekend at Hillside Festival... what an amazing space.  Maybe I'll write more about my experiences there... but first, a moment that has me all mixed up in how to respond.

I ran into a friend and her partner one afternoon. They were with a few other friends and we struck up a conversation.

At one point I found myself speaking with a handsome young man. It wasn't flirtatious, just very comfortable and so completely unguarded that it stood out in a space where everyone was gathered with the purpose of watching a well rehearsed "show".  It must have struck others as something unusual, because my friend's partner turned to young handsome and in a manner not so discreet,  false whispered "What's going on? Are you interested in her?" Embarrassed with his obvious disapproval, we both turned away and young handsome stammered a response of "um, I'm just a friendly guy". I tried hard to keep my composure and eventually found an excuse to leave the circle.


A few things struck me... friend's partner is bit of an awkward douche or maybe he's just a bit of a douche when he drinks.  I don't know.

The other is more troubling, and bothered me for most of the weekend.  This lovely young guy is likely going to think twice before he allows himself to fully be present in a conversation with someone who might not fit his peers' expectations of conformity to the "cool club".

I wanted to find him in the crowd and tell him to never let go of being beautifully unguarded, tell him that he is going to find the most amazing things if he can be present with people.... that being an aloof hot shot gets old quick... and then hand him a book of Shane Coyzan's poetry...

There were some real moments of beauty this weekend.

FAI2013 wrap up

Ok,
I've returned from Folk Alliance.
I'm beat... not in the way I've been beat on returning from OCFF in the past -I've learned that if I only have one or two drinks each night during showcases I'll a) not want to die the next morning from fatigue b) hear more music and c) have a better time!

I'm beat in that "my brain no longer functions in a way that allows me to form a sentence" way, and I'm just plain old "people'd out". I need to stare at a wall and sing loudly to myself or not hear ANYTHING for a few hours. Either approach should do the trick.

What did I see?
What did I love?
What did I learn?
Who did I meet?

I don't have answers for any of that right now.

Wait.. that's a lie.

I went to 8 showcases and an awards presentation Wednesday night, 1 thursday (I came in just in time to start my volunteer shift, then went to bed...) 3 workshops, 6 showcases, and 14 private showcases Friday, 8 showcases and ... um... 12? private showcases Saturday.... um... I think ... just doing the math quick in my head, that's close to 70 acts. Not counting the randoms playing in lobbies and stairwells and volunteer check-in... Some well loved favourites, and a bunch of new (to me) solos/groups...  

I heard some AMAZING stuff this week. Live music will always trump a recording...

My favourites tomorrow night....

Late September

I'm not sure where the days are getting to.

A dear friend said right after the festival something about "leaving real life to face the illusion". I don't know if that makes as much sense to others... it fits so well when you start thinking about community ... real community- and comparing it to our day to day.

Spending a lot of time reading old journals, finding old songs that I've forgotten melodies to. Wondering what it was that made me write them...

there's a lot of disappointment ruining your days
things not turning up
only dredging lower than that point you never figured you'd see
bumping your head on the lowest beam
lower
and it's dank like the basement
when you thought you had the moment
or the choice or the chance
and it wasn't
the last thing you want to hear
are the words from that hallmark
even if they're true
you'd rather be
lower
just for now