poor choice on my part.

So I realized yesterday that I've become my regular girly cry-face again. I held it together really well for awhile there (Thanks Dolly).
But I think I've got to be careful as to what I listen to as I drive. When I drive I love to listen to the radio (CBC more specifically) I love that I'm traveling in this little capsule, visual stimulation keeping me awake, and the radio feeding me information. I think that's my problem in a school setting, I don't retain anything much as I'm not stimulated enough... hey, isn't that the sign of genius?
Anyway.
The only problem is sometimes CBC turns me into cry fest.
Especially the documentaries. There was one on an elderly couple that received support in a housing complex... blah blah blah, long story short, they'd been forgotten, they were found, all was well... I cried at the end. Last week.. two weeks ago? there was on one interracial adoption... I was fine till the end (um.. fine for the most part) when she hugged the blood mom the day she received her baby, and the lapel mic she was wearing picked up a heart beat..... nearly had to pull over on that one...
but yesterday was harder. They did a special live program from a community near Gander Newfoundland remembering the 9/11 tragedy, they were sharing the stories of the lives touched when several flights were diverted to Newfoundland.. the stories of people who hosted passengers on those flights.... I blubbered all the way to Manda's house. Thankful I didn't know anyone personally involved that day, and sad for those who did.

Last night was a shower put on by Mandamanda's family's home church... that's it, if I ever get married, I'm making sure I'm part of a large church family... talk about great gifts! (kidding!)

the craving

it's that time of year again... I need to go to the zoo.
shut it! I don't need to live there... I just need the visit.
Yesterday someone asked me what the draw was:: sitting, watching, listening, thinking, being.
I love the zoo.

the quill

PS. Did you read this month's Link mag? Check the sustainable living section

My new pen name:: Pa Sheff

It was hurried in it's creation, but I'm excited to see something in print.

Zombie

Ok, I'm recovering, I think I'm going to make friends with a massage place though this week, my back would quite like that.

little glimpses of what's happened this weekend.

It was emotional to say the least, so much was put into the festival by so many people.
I forget what the final count was on tickets sold, but it was well over a thousand.
Even with the rain, people came. Even with the wind, people came. Even with the hurricane, people came. Even when we shut it down, they came back the next morning.
That blew my mind.
I heard that it was the "five minutes till gate opens" over the radio, and I dragged myself up the hill to the main gate, just out of curiosity, and out of fear for what I'd see. There was a small group of already wet people waiting to be let in, and from nowhere, Kyle appeared with a set of bagpipes.
The volunteers nearby all lined up near the gate, creating a corridor for the visitors to come through, we begin to clap in time to the music, partly to keep ourselves warm, and clap at the brave souls coming back in for more. As the first of the returning (and NEW!) guests made their way through the gate with smiles on their face, it hit me. What the storm had tried to kill... Had made a spring back to life. More guests were still arriving, cars pulling in the lot, and there was a steady stream making it's way tward the gates.
Suddenly I couldn't see anything. All I could do was stand there and clap while my tears mixed with the rain, a silly grin on my face, blubbering from the relief and the joy.
I wasn't the only one.

school flash backs

This morning smells like school.
It smells like waiting at the bus stop early in the morning, shivering in the cold dew. Not wanting to switch to covered shoes, hanging on to that last week of flip flops and Birks.
Toes damp, backpack heavy.

SVFF

WHAT a weekend. I don't even know if I have the strength to put it into paraphrase. No matter what I write, you won't have even a glimpse of the heart and soul and breath that went into this weekend. You'll NEVER grasp the enormity of what we were just a part of, the joy we had, or feel the pain and heartbreak of it. And because of that, I don't want to write anything.
But I have to.
My head feels like it's going to explode... It's been so long since I've written. And I feel like if I even start to scratch the surface of it... I'll lose it.
My head feels like it's going to explode... I haven't slept much in the past week. And I feel like if I go to sleep, a real sleep, it'll all be over... and I want it to be just a little longer, I want that time to last a few more moments.
My head feels like it's going to explode... and my muscles are paining me, throbbing, waiting for that next chore crying to be completed.
My head feels like it's going to explode... I've watched death and rebirth of an event, and seen generations of history happening. I haven't even understood all that's gone on around me.
And my head feels like it's going to explode... I need water, but I've seen and sat in enough to be quenched for weeks.
361 Days till Shelter Valley.

and then there was the time

do you remember the time I almost bought the electric guitar two weeks ago? I didn't buy it. I don't like the sound of the electric anyway. Even though it was an amazing deal. That's what happens when music stores go out of buisness. Good deals. Like the great deal I got on my accoustic guitar. Sorta like that.

she's baaaaAAAck

(side note:: I was having a discussion about scary movies the other night with my Dad and Gail, and I've got a hankerin' anyone want to watch the Carrie movies?)

That's right, Joy camp is over for yet another summer... Well, not Joy, but Jr. Youth week at Joy is finished... Let's make the distinction. And for clarification... 20 feet just sounds really high, it's not. I just couldn't bring myself to climb any higher on the rock face. Yeah... What goes down must first go up! I was more scared making the climb up the rock than the jump. The last time I went cliff diving, there was a way to get to the rocks from the back of the rock (thru a little cave thing) (at Mazanaw)... This was a rock face. There were kids from the camp jumping from the 50 foot spot. No thank you.

Shelter Valley prep is in full swing, well, I guess it's been in full swing for a lot of people for a long time, but now for me, I'll be breathing Shelter Valley, I'll be eating Shelter Valley, I'll be walking Shelter Valley, I'll be sleeping ... No, wait, there won't be much sleeping.

Fly a Kite

Not unlike Superman... I've sailed to new hights....

20 feet off the rocks and still breathing

Breathe the fresh air

So this week I'm up at Joy camp.... Sadly this summer I don't have a wireless receiver.. So I don['t have internet access in my room. It throws a little bit of a wrench in everything, but at least I didn't have to borrow equipment and deal with the hassle of incompatible programs software and equipment!
traveling North is always crazy to me.... On our drive up we saw... I kid you not!.... Three raccoons, one porcupine, one fox, a beaver and a small tiger. True enough..
they were all dead
flat at the side of the road
and true, the tiger was just a little kitty
but we saw them all.
Please pray that this week I'd get lots done for the camp... BabySheff is with me and is a huge help already, things move so much more quickly with help! Pray that I'd be able to get things done for SVFF too... This is where it's harder without the internet....
anyway.
love you all
miss you all
I love camp!