Hurry up and wait

So... big news coming.
But I'm in hurry up and wait mode.
All I can do is make lists and plan.

OK. 
Lists.
Plans.

I can do this.

Growth

It's official, I survived winter.

Today I looked around and saw that I was thriving again.. not just hanging on for dear life.

My house is clean (ish), the dogs are being walked, I'm reading, I'm cooking, I'm engaging with people on purpose.

It feels good.

Breathe in, breathe out.

How yoooou doin?

I was going to post to facebook a general request that someone in our neighborhood go outside and assure the young man, who's been driving around the block for the past 30 minutes revving his car engine, that we all believe that he does in fact have a giant penis. And that we request he stops with the revving and squealing of tires because his driving display has convinced us of his manhood.

But I didn't have to. I live two blocks from the police station.

More confessional

Sometimes Thursday confessionals need a little more set up than I'm willing to write in a status box on Facebook.

Wednesday last week I was a judge at a science fair hosted by a local elementary school. Who doesn't love little kids' projects? One kid walked up to me and said "mine's supposed to be messy- it's a project about the moon... things aren't really clean there".

We were put into pairs to do the judging. When I arrived I noticed a young guy in the corner playing chess with another young guy, They looked a little too old to be at the school, so I figured they'd graduated and had just come back to help with the science fair. They didn't even look up as the rest of the judges started to file into the room. I recognized him as the child of an old acquaintance and had a vague memory of him going to the school. But  I got a little confused when he was sent to a classroom to get something and wondered if maybe he'd been kept back a year- maybe the peach fuzz beard he was sporting was the sign of an early bloomer? There were some other grade 8s his height in town with the same attempts at facial hair. I didn't think much more of it till we were partnered to judge the projects.

me: Hey (name protected to prevent further embarrassment) How are you?! I haven't seen you in such a long time.. you're... not ... still going to school here are you?

young lad: Um. No.

me: ok... yeah.. uh- (I'm cut off)

young lad: I graduated.  Last year.  From college.

me: I think I've stepped into a time warp/worm hole or something.
(back peddling frantically)
um... I think I just forgot 12 years of my life have passed. Do you even remember me?

young lad:  No.

me: yeah... you were probably 8 or 10 the last time I saw you.

young lad: That was probably 12 or 14 years ago.

me: so... science fair projects?

young lad: yeah.... 

Furry

I have a dear group of friends that I see nearly every week- we head to a pub together, or more recently as we're all trying to save money, we head to one another's homes and pretend we're in a pub.

One of our members is a writer. A real one. Published and stuff. 

When he moved to our tiny town he started writing some poems about the quirks of Northumberland. One of those quirks/poems?  Everyone owns a dog.

Our pub group?

All but one of us owns a dog. 

Last week things got a little weird when one of us declared that we should put all the collars into a bowl and pick one out- whichever collar you got was the dog that you'd take home.

wait a second.... 

More sleep woes

More on the early alarm clock anxiety. ..

I've been really careful in the evening leading up to a day shift, no caffeine, limited screen time, physical activity, dim lights... last night I was drowsy by 10:30, and after combat rolling into bed I was sound asleep in just minutes.

I woke up so refreshed.

I was ready to hop out of bed without looking at the time, so rested I planned on using my extra few minutes before my alarm clock by braving the cold with the dogs.

I swung my feet to the floor and glanced at the clock.

And cried.

11:32pm

*I saw the clock at least 5 more times at randomly staggered points throughout the night. I think I need to start taking something.

But this one sounds awesome.

This is not an anti-Valentine's post, and it's not driven by the mid-february hormones.

I have a friend who is single. .. like for the first time since I've known her. She's been in and out of relationships with no pause between for years.

Oh my gosh, she is the worst person to be near right now.

Each guy she meets is "the one". She bends her interests to fit what she thinks they like.

Seriously, this isn't what people want in a relationship!  Is it? Have I got this all wrong again?

I think the reason this is bugging me right now isn't because of the hyper-awareness around Valentine's but because she's been listing off the qualities, interests and hobbies of the most current potential beau ... she should probably skip him-  he's like the opposite of everything she likes in life... skip him and for heaven's sake just introduce him to me already! I don't see this lasting.

Resolutions?

I'm not sure that I made any real resolutions for this year... beyond "gin and tonic", but I did have some intentions. The first is to learn by heart something each month. Oops.
Missed January already.

The second was to read 2 -3 books each month. I'm good on that one. However, january's book number three should have been done ages ago. Book number three doesn't want to be read. Something is crazy with the spine of this book. I can't hold it open single handedly. .. It's a two hand jobby. And when I forget (every paragraph or so) and my hand slips or moves,  it slaps shut. Now it's a week into February and this tiny book is still giving me grief.

I keep looking around for the candid camera folks.

The aged

So I was watching a teen flick yesterday.  Based on a teen novel, two young cancer fighters fall in love, do inspiring things like... fall in love.
And die.

This is usually the sort of film that tears me to pieces. I'm left a weepy heap.

Nope. Not this time.

The mother was played by an actress I've seen for years playing the motherly role, she'd be 15 years my senior... but then...

There was the dad.

There's no way he was older than me.

Yeah, he had grey at his temples and in his beard.... but HE WAS MY AGE.
I AM THE SAME AGE AS THE PARENTS IN TEEN MOVIES NOW!!!  I've been "sitcom mom" age for about 10 years now... but this... this is a painful realization.

Weepy heap.

In the sky

I have a very tall bed.
It's higher than my hips with the box spring frame in the mix. I remember the day I bought my new mattress and box spring... setting it into the bed frame where there'd been plywood for as long as I'd been the bed's owner.

The bed belonged to my Grandma R, my mom's mom. For some lucky and unknown reason she left me her bedroom set. I only wanted the plant stand (now long gone to the bluebox on a day that I needed  to purge my belongings), and I think there were some tensions from the other older cousins that mom shielded me from when it was announced. Maybe the long suffering return on being named after grandpa?

When I placed the mattress on top of the box spring and saw the bed's height I was transported in time to her home, being too little to even get onto her bed without assistance, the awe I felt looking down at the floor from my high perch.

I think of those times and the visits to grandma's place nearly every night that I climb into my bed. Some nights I give a little hop and swing into bed, but most nights I tuck my shoulder in and combat roll myself into place. My high perched pillows.