Saturday, December 06, 2008

longest 4 hours of my life

So, today was my birthday.
I'm not into aging. at all.

anyway, last night I had the pleasure of spending the evening with my two lovelies (Travwho and Little Buddy) - and Mamma Blodgett.
We took in the sights and sounds of the Trans Siberian Orchestra. If you ever get the opportunity to see the show... GO. It's fantastic.

But that's not what this post is about. 

instead it's a tale of my poor bladder and the longest trip I've ever taken. Not that my bladder is poor. Or that it functions poorly, but rather, I felt bad for my bladder- and my bladder made me feel bad too.
Actually, the story isn't about my bladder at all. 

We left the Hammer at about 11pm. It's maybe a two hour drive home to the 'Burg late at night- no traffic thru the city to slow you down, night drives are great.
I had to pee when we left the Hammer- I'd even made a comment about wishing I could pee like a man as we walked to the car. Travwho wanted to get something to drink, we decided to find a spot to stop once we were on the main road home.
We got to the highway and started to fly along to find some sort of familiar land mark-stopping place. Then we saw a sign "express lanes closed at next exit". That was fine, there wasn't a ton of traffic, we were moving along fine, it was about 45 mins into our trip (why hadn't we stopped to pee yet????) and we were in Toronto
Suddenly, the traffic stopped. Strange, but we figured it would start moving pretty soon as cars sorted themselves out, going from 6 lanes to 3. 

I was pretty tired, I'd had a really early start to the day- and it had been pretty intense (story for another day) so I decided to close my eyes. I woke up an hour later. 
We still hadn't moved.
In the end, we moved something like .4 kms in an hour and a half.
and I had to pee.
Eventually we start to move again. 
Only to see a sign.
"two right collectors closed at such and such a street"
traffic slows
we move along, only to see a sign
"lane closed"
we slow
now it's 2am
I still have to pee
And I haven't eaten since lunch.
we end up moving from the express to the collectors a few times, see very little in the way of actual construction, and no reason for NOT moving.
2:30am, Little Buddy finds an exit he's comfortable taking to find a bathroom.
we get stopped by the ride program.

I'm ready to LOOSE it.

(so far, being 30 sucks)

I make a dash to the bathroom, buy an orange juice and pray that it helps restore blood sugar levels to a non-kill level ("non-kill everyone I encounter" I mean).
We hop back in the car... and hit another ride program. I'm still near hysterics, apparently the sugar hasn't hit my blood stream yet.
The car in front of us is stopped ... and eventually pulled over. every minute that passes makes me shake a little more.
We are finally on our way, 45 mins to home... totally doable. 
I start to calm... and take in my surroundings.
"hey guys?" (says I)
"are we suppose to be getting a snow storm sometime tomorrow?"
(guy) "I don't know, why?"
(me) "they sprayed that salt stuff on the roads again.. you can see the lines"
discussion ensues over the effectiveness of the dried salt spray on the roads vs. the granular salt.
(me) "ha ha, wouldn't it be funny if it started to snow? and then visibility got to zero, and we never got home? ha ha ha ha!" (I look and smirk at the clear cold sky)

... can you see where this is going?

the snow started about 5 mins later.

it got worse

we drove slower (80) (kms)

and slower (60)

we passed 7 snowplows (going in the opposite direction)

and it kept snowing, and it got harder to see... and steer. Eventually we got to the Port's exit, Little Buddy pulled off there, and we started to creep towards Travwho's home. (50)
more snow... moving slower (40)
Thank goodness we were driving so slow...  because after all that... at 3am, a block from Travwho's house.. a deer jumps out and nearly lands on the hood of the car.
Little Buddy keeps his cool and doesn't kill the beast... I'm again near hysterics.
Thankfully the Christmas lights are on at Who's house, and we're able to find it in the snow.  
Then we slip slide all the way into town... I half laugh, half cry most of the way.
I am safely deposited at home, and Little Buddy and Mamma Blodgett (who has to be at work in a few hours) continue on their way...
I get a txt message from Buddy about 20 mins later... his wheel wells had filled with so much snow the shocks stopped working, and he had to stop on the way home to knock it out....

what a night.


Beth said...

you're not really 30....that's next year, silly ;)

Rabbits' Guy said...

Those Canadian Birthday parties ... boy they just keep on comin' at ya! Both barrels!

You won't forget that one!

Crilly said...

Hokey Craparooney Batman.
That's a crazy night and a half.

T said...

crazy night...glad you got back safe

word verification: culavori - sounds like an Italian dish

Ruth said...

But the concert was worth it.


FrecklesandDeb said...

What a terrible night! We are so sorry for your 30-year-old bladder! Happy belated birthday anyway! Maybe you could look forward to next year.

leona Rekker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.