So blogland, I've a question for you.
I already know what I'm going to do, and I'm headed to execute it... but I'd love to know how you'd respond.
A friend of yours is married, and until this moment you've no reason to doubt that he and his wife are anything but happily married. And yet, while browsing the ridiculous and entertaining free dating site, you discover your friend's photo.
Do you:
A) send him a hilarious message so he knows you've seen him there?
B) send him a wtf message?
C) announce your long time crush?
D) ignore his profile?
E) sign out so you can lurk his profile without his knowledge?
F) ask him in person if he's enjoy fishing?
G) say something kind but show your concern?
H) sign in under a fake account and hit on him?
I) send him a txt letting him know someone's stolen his identity and created a profile on a dating site?
J) write a blog post about it then link to the post via Facebook?
There's no wrong answer here folks.
Updated to add:
And no, I didn't choose just one myself.
3 comments:
Let us know the outcome of this. I think I'd go with 'I'. I could easily choose several others but would at least let him defend himself first.
Since this is kind of hypothetical now perhaps this is more how others would deal, here it goes:
Clearly from the list of choices, this friendship is important, and because I know you, you
have thought a lot about this. However, I think you are too kind. As a man I am often surprise how the double standard is applied in the oddest ways. Many men confronted with the same situation ( with a female friend) would straight up share the information with the husband, bypassing the friend, “yo bro check this out, thought you should know”. This may seem harsh, but I think somehow our culture says that it is ok for men to cheat, “cuz, they can't keep it in their pants anyway”. Guess what men that cheat are ass hats, women that cheat are ass hats. I believe that honesty is always the best policy hiding stuff is tiring for everyone, and at some point lies contaminate the friendship pool. AKA someone is cheating(aka lying) and now others are left wondering how to do the right thing? AKA ignore the truth, and become part of the lie. Hmmm not for me.
So where does that leave us, I suggest three additions to the list and a course of action
K. Anonymously/or not, get the information to the wife, so at least she knows that there is something up publicly with their relationship AKA your husband is an ass hat– CAUTION – only choose this option if you are willing to lose the friend
L. Do nothing, friends do bad things all the time, just so happens you know about this one – CAUTION – this one can cause guilt, and future regret and in some cases you lose the friend anyway because, when they play that “why did you not call me out on it then, when you knew?” card it goes sideways
M. If the friend is a Jesus follower insert Matthew 18:15 action, this sends them for a loop
N. if you are an evil ass hat yourself setup a fake profile in the wives name and picture etc. then hit on the husband. OMG how evil funny would that be.
Uggg not easy choices so in the spirit of what I would do. (not you)
M. for obvious reasons (you can’t argue with Jesus logic if you are a follower)
If not
I.Both fun and the friendship saver
If no reaction go straight for K – clears the conscious and clears room for new “ass hat free” friends in the friendship pool
OJ, I wish I'd thought of N. Seriously. That's fantastic. ..
I think you're right there about the double standard we hold for men and women in relationships. If it were a female friend of mine, I would still do what I did (see today's post). The funny thing is, this isn't someone very close or important in my life, I have though, been thinking a lot this month about what a supportive community looks like. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, he's said that the message I sent startled him into reality, that he has remived his profile, and that he and his wife had a conversation about what wasn't working (apparently an ongoing situation).
I'm left with the "now what"s. He hasn't deleted his profile. Just removed all photos and information. Do I bother?
Ha. Maybe now I create a profile with his wife's picture.
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