my toddler-like hissy fit

The weather is getting cold. Yesterday morning the house temperature got down to 15.5 degrees. I was hoping to not put on the furnace, so I boiled the kettle a few times- tea and a hot water bottle- and brought the temperature up over 16 degrees without too much of a problem. I love my gas stove.

But then last night it dipped back down to 15 degrees, and I finally conceded that it was time to turn on the furnace. I reluctantly walked the walk of shame to the thermostat- passing the gas bill sitting on the kitchen table, I winced. I calculated in my head how warm I could set it without feeling guilt, and how many days I could run the thing this month before I surpassed last October's usage... Lesson? I should keep my bills on the kitchen table all the time.

I flicked the little switch and waited for the roar of the furnace igniting.

I waited.
 nothing
A little longer.
 nothing
Turned the switch back to off, then back on again.
 nothing



My pilot light had blown out two summers ago- resulting in my needing to call a repair guy... mostly because I didn't know at the time that my pilot light could blow out. At the time I asked him to show me how to light it in case it happened again. He told me it likely wouldn't- that it must have been quite the gust of wind to have blown down the chimney and put it out. Then he didn't show me. I'm guessing it was more to do with the fact that I had to pay him $130 for the visit.



I'm often told that I'm far too independent. I've even been told I scare men because of my independence... um... thanks? I think that was part compliment? Part "definitely not" a compliment.

In effort to break from that line of thought, and also because I'm sick of having to do everything for myself (waaaaaa! tantrum), I decided to put it out to the universe that I needed help. I asked my facebook friends if anyone knew how to light a pilot light.

What did I get? Mostly a bunch of people telling me to DIY and links to how-to videos. Then a second wave of "you're going to blow up your house" responses.

Dear universe. I ask for help, and I'm told to do it myself.
This is why I'm independent.

The cold eventually conquered any fears I had of lighting the gas heater back up, and after I got it lit I saw that two women had offered their husbands' assistance, which was very kind of them. I'll admit, there was a certain rush that I got when I finally figured out where the pilot was, got it lit, AND got the circulation pump turned back on (apparently I'd knocked it sometime over the summer too). When the furnace roared to life and the rads got hot... I felt smug. I felt smart. I felt independent.
Watch out boys.

October

Dear October,
You haven't been particularly kind to the people in my life this year, you and your friend "end of September" have really been quite the bullies.
I'd like to propose a ceasefire. Cease-fire?  Whatever.
Just stop making things so tough.

Thank you for the turkey, and that the people I love are breathing and give great hugs. I guess you've got that going for you October... those gatherings of people who are dear.

Ok. I guess you aren't all bad.

Follow up

What did I do?

While I really wanted to do "J" -write a blog post and link to it on facebook,  I figured that was kind of crazy... and just me wanting to have more hits to the blog (being honest here folks).

In the end I totally signed out to lurk his profile... debated heavily with myself the pros and cons of mentioning a crush, and ended up sending a kindly message stating my surprise at the couple's separation- and (in a nod to the knowledge that half the guys on the site are married trolls) said if I wasn't supposed to have seen his profile I could pretend like nothing happened.

There's more to the story, but really what it comes down to is there are a whole lot of lonely people out there... even in relationships.

What can we do as community to help eachother not feel so isolated?
Seriously.  I'm asking for myself too.

Little help?

So blogland,  I've a question for you.
I already know what I'm going to do, and I'm headed to execute it... but I'd love to know how you'd respond.

A friend of yours is married, and until this moment you've no reason to doubt that he and his wife are anything but happily married. And yet, while browsing the ridiculous and entertaining free dating site, you discover your friend's photo.

Do you:

A) send him a hilarious message so he knows you've seen him there?
B) send him a wtf message?
C) announce your long time crush?
D) ignore his profile?
E) sign out so you can lurk his profile without his knowledge?
F) ask him in person if he's enjoy fishing?
G) say something kind but show your concern?
H) sign in under a fake account and hit on him?
I) send him a txt letting him know someone's stolen his identity and created a profile on a dating site?
J) write a blog post about it then link to the post via Facebook?

There's no wrong answer here folks.

Updated to add:
And no, I didn't choose just one myself.

Sunny days, or a misplaced confessional.

I haven't had to lose it on the demon dog in over 72 hours. I slept in till 7.
Some of my favourite people are home for the weekend.

Driving the same country road, the colours are amazing.
I look over and I see this man, again.
Painting in his garage, again.
My music is blaring, again.
My toes are cold, again.
There's the draughts pacing at their gate, again.

I haven't spoken anything other than a whispered "good boys" to the pooches yet today.

And I hear myself screaming "I'm stuck on groundhog day!"

Then madly laughing like a lunatic.

Sounds about right for a friday.

pbbbbbbbbb

Not as light hearted as usual.
I'm feeling weary.
I know it's not about me, but I've taken on a lot of the pain and struggles of a number of my friends lately. Combine that with some unknowns in an already sparse relationship department- expectations and fear of disappointing others (since when did my own relationships have anything to do with OTHER people aside from myself and a partner? Sheesh, I'm more worried about their disappointment than my own at this point)...  I'm  mostly just a quivering mess of a person.

So I had a little melt down when I got to work today.

I was sent a message before work requesting a change to something, and knowing that I was walking into resistance to that change had me on high alert... then I walked in the door and was met with "you need to fix this" "Has someone [read: when will you] fixed this yet?" "what about this change?" and my favourite "they didn't tell me that so I'm just going to leave it [and thereby set them up for failure]".

So I told them I didn't give a shit.
And then in near tears shared some of the better news I'd been given in the past 24 hours just to put life in perspective.

Strangely I felt a lot better.

I think I need to get that hot tub fixed really soon.

Violation or just... weird?

A few nights ago my truck was broken into.

It's the 4th time it's happened, but it's the first time since I bought my house. At the last rental I was on a street that was quite busy with foot traffic, perfect for car break-ins. I don't lock my car, I don't want to pay the deductible if the windows are broken. I know... it's like I'm asking for trouble, but I don't leave anything of value in there.

The feeling of violation that comes from knowing that someone has entered your space uninvited, is one that gnaws quietly at you. An unease. I try to ignore it as much as I can... me being the um.. independent strong woman that I am.

And again like in the past break-ins, I'm kind of insulted. Nothing was taken. I think I've noted before, "thieves don't like folk music". What's wrong with my taste in music?! If they hadn't left open that secret compartment (the one I didn't know about) I probably would have chalked up the random reorganization of stuff to me losing my mind.

It's days later, I've finally opened the back of the truck. I'd glanced back there after the break-in, noted that the person hadn't taken my dirty socks or the blankets and camping dishes that have been living back there since the festival.. but I didn't bother to open it up and poke around.
I bought groceries today though, and opened the back door.... and found a pair of boxer briefs.

This is more disturbing than the break-in.

Books books books.

ok... nominated for the book thing... I don't usually do nominated games, I'm a spoil sport. BUT I do like books, and I think I was nominated like 5 times for this.  10 most influential books (or books that have stuck with me for forever)

1)  Haroun and the Sea of Stories -Salman Rushdie * Jeepers, I love that book. Go read it. Read it to your entire family. I made my roommates in university (a bunch of boys) sit and listen to me read it to them out loud. See if you can figure out how it ties into

2) The BFG- Roald Dahl  *I love books that are real made up stories. I love that all of Roald's books took me someplace and made me laugh... and still make me laugh and see with new eyes.

3) Clan of the Cave Bear/Valley of Horses Jean M. Auel * I read Valley of Horses before I read clan of the cave bear... The lead character Ayla has since then been in my mind as the perfect woman role model. I read it when I was in my early teens (oops, my parents forgot there was a lot of sex in that series) and I figured that to be a real strong independent woman, I should probably learn how to do most of the things Ayla did while she lived in that little cave by herself.

4) I heard the Owl Call My Name- Margaret Craven * This is my favourite book. Full stop. Read it, then let's talk about it.

5) Watership Down - Richard Adams *This one and the next book were read to me a few times by my dad as I was growing up. I loved the rumble of his voice while my sister and I would lean on him to hear the story. Plus I think this is where I first really started to love rabbits. And geeky things like made up languages.

6) The Hobbit- J R R Tolkien * see above... but insert the word "hobbits" to replace "rabbits".

7)The secret Garden- Francis Burnett *just a great story that I always come back to read, because for me, it's about a story.

8)The princess Bride- William Goldman/ S Morganstern * DID YOU KNOW THIS IS FUNNIER THAN THE MOVIE??? Read it, let's talk.

9) Foxfire series- Editor Eliot Wigginton * oh man. why wasn't I born in the Appalachian mountains? This was my bible for learning everything I needed to know to live in a small cave of my own someday.

10)The Island of the Blue Dolphins- Scott O'Dell *again, it's all about books with those young women learning amazing things and taking care of themselves. I got this book for Christmas when I was in grade 6, I was so pumped when it was on the reading list for grade 7... don't ask me how many times I've read it since... it's embarrassing.

Call backs

I have this problem at work.

Each and every time I work a day shift, if I go to the washroom, well, the phone rings, and usually it's an important call.

Taking phones to the washroom is gross.

Ok, I totally do have my cell on me when I go at work- it grosses me out but it doesn't stop me. It's the only minute I'll have to look at messages uninterrupted when I work an evening shift. So the last month and a half I've been keeping track of how often the phone rings when I go to the washroom... 8 of the last 10 visits.

80%

I've also been keeping track of how many shifts in a row my coworker says the word "breakfurst". I had to start my count over because we had a single shift where she didn't say it... after 34 shifts in a row. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. But that's not the topic today. Maybe I should also keep track of how many times it's said on a shift? Maybe I should count how many other facts I'm keeping track of?

80% of the times I've gone to the washroom while working a day shift this month, someone has called. I decided to fight back.

I put both the work phones in my pocket with my cellphone when I took my trip to the facilities and the phones didn't ring.

Someone came to the door.

Note: visits to the door are a rare occurrence.  Lately we've been having a number of deliveries from a new company that employs a very handsome young man. I've requested that all deliveries be scheduled for my shifts.

Sweater weather

There are some sweet young women in my life that I am blessed to know. Each one is quirky, artsy, creative, smart, and kind.

Oh, and drop dead gorgeous.

The three of them are headed off to school in just one week. There is a flip flopping tidal wave of emotion and hormones that those girls are riding as two are headed to opposite ends of our giant country (and leaving eachother/their first love) and one returns for her final term.

These girls are also very silly and can make me snort in my laughter with them... at them. One tonight was trying to show us her "jazz hands"... but she has as problem getting the one hand to cooperate. .. so it's like a jazz hand. Or... nemo.  Really, that left hand is just waving goodbye.

It's muggy gross out. At work I wear layers to fight the air conditioning.  Today I chose a rather unfortunate see-through shirt under my sweater... I took off my sweater after one of the girls said the house was too cold with the a.c. running, it was on to get the humidity out of the house, it wasn't that hot, just so damp and gross. It meant I was in my see through shirt, but I really didn't care and, whatever.

Ruebendog was having a hard time getting settled. So much whining. 
So I brought him up on my lap for a squishing. It didn't work. I just got steamrolled. And covered in fur.

"But at least your shirt isn't so see-through".

*insert eyeroll here*