my toddler-like hissy fit

The weather is getting cold. Yesterday morning the house temperature got down to 15.5 degrees. I was hoping to not put on the furnace, so I boiled the kettle a few times- tea and a hot water bottle- and brought the temperature up over 16 degrees without too much of a problem. I love my gas stove.

But then last night it dipped back down to 15 degrees, and I finally conceded that it was time to turn on the furnace. I reluctantly walked the walk of shame to the thermostat- passing the gas bill sitting on the kitchen table, I winced. I calculated in my head how warm I could set it without feeling guilt, and how many days I could run the thing this month before I surpassed last October's usage... Lesson? I should keep my bills on the kitchen table all the time.

I flicked the little switch and waited for the roar of the furnace igniting.

I waited.
 nothing
A little longer.
 nothing
Turned the switch back to off, then back on again.
 nothing



My pilot light had blown out two summers ago- resulting in my needing to call a repair guy... mostly because I didn't know at the time that my pilot light could blow out. At the time I asked him to show me how to light it in case it happened again. He told me it likely wouldn't- that it must have been quite the gust of wind to have blown down the chimney and put it out. Then he didn't show me. I'm guessing it was more to do with the fact that I had to pay him $130 for the visit.



I'm often told that I'm far too independent. I've even been told I scare men because of my independence... um... thanks? I think that was part compliment? Part "definitely not" a compliment.

In effort to break from that line of thought, and also because I'm sick of having to do everything for myself (waaaaaa! tantrum), I decided to put it out to the universe that I needed help. I asked my facebook friends if anyone knew how to light a pilot light.

What did I get? Mostly a bunch of people telling me to DIY and links to how-to videos. Then a second wave of "you're going to blow up your house" responses.

Dear universe. I ask for help, and I'm told to do it myself.
This is why I'm independent.

The cold eventually conquered any fears I had of lighting the gas heater back up, and after I got it lit I saw that two women had offered their husbands' assistance, which was very kind of them. I'll admit, there was a certain rush that I got when I finally figured out where the pilot was, got it lit, AND got the circulation pump turned back on (apparently I'd knocked it sometime over the summer too). When the furnace roared to life and the rads got hot... I felt smug. I felt smart. I felt independent.
Watch out boys.

The sacred spaces

I was feeling pretty stressed by the time I left work tonight. Carrying too many thoughts and worries.

I did get the job.. so that's a huge amazing thing, but now until my old contract is filled, we're a little strapped for relief staff. Add the fact that another staff has moved and one full time staff is in the hospital and another is starting a vacation to Cuba... well..  I'm booked for 10 shifts in a row and it's looking like I could be asked to extend that and work my entire weekend off again.... making it a run of 13. I've done longer before, but I'm really trying to be aware of my emotional capacity for ...everything... it suffers when I don't have a day off.

So anyway... I was feeling worn. I nearly cried when I realized I might have to work Sunday in addition to Saturday. And my coworkers saw that, so I was feeling stupid for being so effected. Yes I'm excited about the full time contract but it took a lot out of me this past week wondering/waiting to hear. I didn't really have a back up plan.

But then... on my way home I remembered about a little group that was meeting at the firehall theatre... a little group of people getting together to sing. Taking time to work on audition pieces or songs from shows they might be in.

I turned my car around and went.

It was a small group. I'd missed the first half/warm-up.  But there were hugs. And smiles. And encouraging words. And singing. Together.

And I found an audition piece.

And I still don't know if I can even be part of the next show with my work schedule,  but I have people I can sing with, blend voices with, meet in that sacred space where sound comes out and blends and bends and is beautiful and is one.

So things are good.

My heart is full again.

St.Patrick

Spent the evening woth a mix of festival and players friends at the Burnham farm... 3rd annual st.patty's gathering. Low key, fun, sober.

I know I'm in love with the people that I'm with and that I'm not spending enough time with them when I go the entire evening without checking my phone or updating something social media wise.

This isn't growing up... this is getting over the interweb connectedness.

New things

A new year.
This was my 5th collage party. A night of beauty all around me. Beautiful people, amazing creations. 

I missed last year's party, but last year I was with 4 lovely women at the cottage... that was a beautiful time... so it didn't feel like I was "missing" anything.

This year I just didn't feel creative.  I came with a plan for one project, then sort of gave up after I halfheartedly finished it.
Every year I struggle to create something, and every year there's something not quite right with my results. .. not that there's a right or wrong where art is concerned, but I shouldn't be forcing it. I was missing the ladies from the cottage. Women who mean the world to me, but who can't be a part of this community for reasons I don't understand.

So. I'm starting the year off "meh".
It can only turn around from here right?
I believe the phrase has been "duck you 2013". Or something not so censored.

First breakfast

A million years ago,  or according to my archives- 3 years ago,  we folded our "BELLS" group.

Blessing, Eat, Listen, Learn, Sentness

Sort of a liturgy for us hobbits.
Something to use to gather with other likeminded folk and give direction and intention to our togetherness. 

Sentness has always been my favourite to reflect on. Where have I been sent?  Where have I seen God's hand in my life this week?  As someone who has decided to consciously seek joy, this is an activity I can really sink my teeth into.

I miss our old BELLS group. Life got too busy, and some people felt they were carrying the lion's share of the effort to keep it running. We all were burnt out. And it started to feel like a burden. Funny,  because we all came because we were burnt out... or had been burned and needed a safe place to figure out our own faith.

Before BELLS we were doing church at GTI, before that we had a home church... before that ...  most of our group just didnt "fit" in.

Tomorrow a group of those hobbots are getting together again. We haven't got any plans for anything other than breakfast. No books to study,  no video series to learn from, no expectations, no ... anything. Just breakfast,  breaking bread. So of course we're calling it "the breakfast club".

I'm excited to be in community again.
F you 2013.

there and back again

What a perfect festival.
My fears about not putting myself fully into the prep of the festival being a threat to my full enjoyment of the festival were put aside.

I'm probably in the best shape emotionally coming out of this festival. I didn't overdo it before or during, so I'm not a wasted lump crying my face off grieving the passing of another festival. But, I'm still pretty sadfaced- I don't like it when it ends.
I hate going from true community and constant togetherness  back to my single gal life in my single gal house. On one hand I'm so glad to be away from people- I just want to stare at the wall for a few days and not talk to anyone- and on the other hand, I just need someone to hang onto me.

I don't really have a way to pull together all my thoughts from the festival... so this might be a little rambley.

Sure the weather was weird and rainy at first, but pardon the pun, it didn't put a damper on it.

I went out to the site on Thursday and helped with some kitchen prep- I didn't realize how much I missed the pre-festival kitchen till I was in the middle of creating a VAT of hummus surrounded by other cheery cooks chopping carrots and grilling ground chicken.  Happy people, singing and cooking and visiting.

I went home Thursday night- which was hard, Thursday and Sunday night are generally my favorite campfires- but I knew the pooch needed some attention before I dragged him off to the doggie daycare. (Doggie daycare is a whole other story)

Friday arrived. Artists arrived, set up happened without a hitch. People created pretty things, looked at pretty things. The village worked really well. I feel a little bad that after Saturday lunch I pretty much abandoned the village- each time I was there, there was nothing for me to do- so eventually I stopped checking in. oops.

The music all weekend was fantastic.
Camping in the trailer with Manda was lovely.
Campfires were... healing to the soul.

I did discover something though- I'm not really there for the music. I'm there for the community. I'm there for the conversations. I'm there for the intimacy between friends and loves. I'm there for the special moments. I'm there for the teamwork overcoming challenges.

The shared.
That's what I'm there for.

the other side

This.
Sitting on the couch.
Not worrying.

What is this?

This is the moment where I realize that in my 9 years of involvement I've given a lot. This is the moment that I realize that I am entering into the 10th Shelter Valley Folk Festival and my stress level is at zero for the first time.

Imagine that. 10 festivals. 9 years I've been involved. 8 years of stomach wrenching, teeth grinding... sometimes vomit inducing- stress. And now, 1 year of going to a festival and not having a care in the world. I cried the night before my first festival. I was so tired. I'd given so much of me. And then I went on to have a magical weekend. I was hooked.

So now my only worry.
Going into something without an emotional investment... will it mean that I am more-or will I be less emotionally open to the experience? Do I need to be raw to accept the gifts that community brings?

I hope not.
I'm going to try to be present in every moment.


Sitting on the hill.
Helping with workshops.
seeing old friends and loves.
meeting new friends and loves.
hearing music fully.

That's my hope.

Dug

I feel like I should be writing a post about this week's storm.
I spent most of Saturday morning digging myself out... Sure, my next door neighbour has a snow blower, but I've yet to see him use it this year- John (my neighbour) is in his 80's. The neighbour on the other side of him and myself take turns digging John out usually... his wife toddles to the door in her nightie and chides us for doing it every time "oh, you! You don't need to do that, we have a snow blower".  In the three years I've lived in this house, I think I've only seen her dressed a handful of times. She's even come to my door in her nightie.

Anyway, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this would be the storm where I'd really appreciate the use of a snow blower... but the likelihood it wasn't going to start was high.

So I started to dig. I dug out the neighbour on the other side of my house... the crazy neighbour... she watched me through her window, then when I was done yelled at me for doing it, and muttered something really rude about my other neighbour always doing it and "I like to shovel my own snow!"

I didn't bother to do her blocked driveway.

I moved onto my own driveway blockage.

Still no sign of John or his snowblower.

I started to dig out my car. John's sons show up in their trucks and park in front of my snow pile... this makes it very hard to dig... One of the sons says "don't bother with the end of your driveway, we're going to fire up Dad's snowblower, we'll clear it our for you". Very nice of him to offer.. but if all 3 of John's sons have shown up to "fire up" the snowblower.... there's something wrong with the snowblower... and I do have to be able to get to work. Actually, I have to be able to get to work and not smell of sweat from frantically shoveling out at the last minute, so I need to be done with enough time to shower. So I start to dig.

The snow is up past the wheel wells of the trucks. But the sun hasn't been out long, so it's not wet, just packed from the plow... totally doable.

Slow and steady, I feel fine as the pile in the drive gets smaller, and the mountains in front of the house grow. Twice I have to shovel the top of the snow piles in the yard to keep the tops low enough so I can still sling more snow on to them.

But... it's all done.
John's snowblower didn't start.
I went snowshoeing.

Funnier version of this boring story tomorrow.

Uke it Up

NUkeO got together and filled our pub to the max last night.

Instead of trying to tell you about it, I'm going to steal PaSheff's photos. Some large group play-alongs, and some great solos, and instant bands... Much more happened, but then our resident photographer and his wife were hit by the flu bug and had to go home.

I love hosting this weird little group.

less glamourous

Dump runs.

huhuhuh.... dump runs.

(I'm never going to grow up am I?)

Nearing the end of my basement cleaning adventure with a run to the dump to get rid of some of the bulky trash- Sure, I could have put it out at the end of the driveway, but here in the 'Burg we've got to pay by the bag for the things we throw out... It was so much cheaper to just drive to the garbage transfer. PLUS... it's always an adventure.

While you're not allowed to "dumpster dive" there anymore, it's a small County... so, of course I knew people at the dump.

(MandaManda- I saw Barry there! I nearly hugged him... but... it was the dump. He was dirty)

Speaking of a "small County".... Yesterday I got two fantastic messages.

So, I'm getting ready to head to the dump when the first message arrives- "are you available to do a voice over?" (radio ad) "head over to the radio station at such and such a time".
YAY!!!
Small towns means people remember you've said you've done something in the past (voice overs) and that you'd likely be the one to call when you need someone!

When Handsome J closed the recording studio, I figured my voice over days were over.... but after this afternoon, I'm now on the voice over list for one of the radio stations! That's a fun thing- more about this tomorrow.

Small towns ALSO mean that you're likely to get messages that say something like "hey, did you lose your owl pin? I just found one that looks really familiar the coffee shop".

Small town lovin' today.

Toes

I'm on a sock knitting bender... I've given myself 2 weeks to knit 2 pairs of socks. Totally doable. Right?

A few nights ago GTI (I know, it goes by the name "Greenwood Coalition" now... I don't adapt well to name changes) Held it's second Johnny Cash Tribute night- a fund raiser, and all around good time.  It's an art show showcasing some of the work done by the GTI art group, and a whole bunch of amazingly talented musicians bringing Johnny's music to life.  I'm sorry if you missed it. Maybe next year I'll be in a place where I've got my head on right and think to share the info BEFORE the fact.

I've had some huge mixed emotions going into this one (the concert). Something in life ... in my circle... has shifted in the past 3-4 months, and I'm still learning to navigate the waters. It's nothing to worry about- not good, not bad.... just different.  I'm left feeling more observer than participant, and after the past couple of whirlwind years, maybe it's a really good thing.

HOW does any of that tie into a sock-knitting bender? Ah HA! One of the things you missed at the concert was a raffle... including one fantastic prize "2 pairs of custom knit socks"!

must stop typing must keep knitting must stop typing must keep knitting must stop typing must keep knitting must stop typing must keep knitting must stop typing must keep knitting must stop....

One pair down, one to go.

Last but not least, 25 things part 5

Ha. I actually followed thru on something.


20. I inherited my mom's stinky feet. So gross.

21. I like the way my dog's feet smell....  they're sort of like Fritos.

22. My mom died 9 years ago, I miss her every day.

23. I've started to read James A. Michner's "The Source" 8 times. each time I start it, I get a little further into the book and like it a little more... but I've never finished it. I have this idea in my mind that it's a really long book- but I think it's just the first copy of it I owned was printed in a strange way as to make it seem like the longest book ever. I've read longer books.
23.b. I've started to read "The Lord of the Rings" 4 times and never gotten past chapter 2 of the first book. I think if the characters in the book were each named things like Mike, Ralph, or Fred... I'd be more likely to read it- there are too many names that my brain can't translate into distinguishable characters.

24. I like to grow my food, can and preserve, cook amazing meals.... but I also love processed foods.... so so much.

25. I have a number of friends who are strictly "online" friends- People I've never met in person but whom I've gotten to know over the years thru a variety of forums and blogs. I have a few friends in real life that I've met through the same means... The first "forum" (other than the chat rooms in the 90's.. I never stayed with one of those for long enough) I was a part of was created because of a portly cat named Buddy who liked to monorail pose on the back of a couch. Thank you Cute Overload. Maybe I'll tell the whole story some time. I have a number of crew members from my puzzle pirate days on facebook...

Hopefully I haven't scared off friends by posting these... if you're feeling up to the challenge, please let me know where I can find your list!

chop chop

I've just polished off the last of the nachos, it's always salsa o'clock... but it reminded me that I still wanted to post a few of the pictures from salsa day 2012!

Cast: Masheff, Jenny, Bob, Em, Meg, Newfield, Pasheff, Moi, Jelly.

everybody gets washed and sterilized all at once...

just half of the veggies we used

peppers, toms, garlic in one pot, ketchup in the other pot...

the outdoor kitchen...

go big or go home.

by nightfall, we were ready to fall... but, it was all worth it in the end.

Greatest discoveries this year?
1) Frozen tomatoes are the way to go. The skins POP off once you put them in warm water, and the extra water can be squeezed right out of them. Plus, you can buy them frozen from one of the farms, and they've been washed and the spots have been cut off...
2) Raising the table will save your back! We used a few pieces of 2x4s and lifted the table, the difference was amazing.
3) Stopping for meals is IMPORTANT.
Last year we switched to doing all the chopping the night before (the peppers, onions, garlic and some of the toms). Doing this broke up the work in a way that didn't leave us hating each other by the time we finished.

Please drop something I can eat.

can can

It was only 10 hours work in the end... there were coffee breaks, and second breakfast breaks, and dinner, and shopping breaks...
And what is the result?

Something like 30litres of salsa
more than that in chili sauce
I can't be bothered to count jars of salsa verde... let's say 6 litres of that

Ketchup is resting (separate out some more liquid before we add the vinegar and spices and boil it down...)

I'm wiped.
But happy.

les tomates

It's nearly salsa day... Friday.. boxes of peppers, a freezer full of tomatoes, basket of garlic, bags of habinaros ... oh man... it's going to be awesome.

40% chance of rain....
meh... better than sunburns.

I've got my favourite apron ready, the kitchen tent will go up tomorrow (if it's not raining too hard), tables will be out and bleached.... Propane needs to be picked up, the new cooker needs to be assembled... jars need to be washed... We need to pick up onions, and the rest of the tomatoes....

oh! And we need a playlist... or a DJ!

And does anyone have a small canoe paddle we can adopt as our new spoon?


Photos will follow.

remembering

I'm not good at this sort of thing...
I worry that I'll open the flood gates and have no control over the tide that comes of it.

So, I'm thankful for people like Rae, people who have words.

pause

This weekend was one of the lovely moments that just don't come around enough.
Saturday was filled with markets and long time friends... the perfect type of saturday, followed by dinner with friends who are family...

Sunday was magical.

I spent most of the week watching the weather forecast for this Sunday. We'd had rain and thunder and lightening nearly every day... but there was one day of clear hot sun on the forecast, and I knew it was going to keep on shuffling around until it would finally settle on Sunday... I was right. Thankfully.

14 friends gathered in my backyard, lights twinkled, food was shared, music swept us up. It was perfect. I wish there was a way to make every house concert happen just like that.

I'm listening to my new Paper Beat Scissors album right now... it's lovely.

spinny and green

guess what?!
interrobang
Crazy Kijiji lady had a no-show on her spinning wheel sale and contacted me..... and dropped the price back down.... and now I'm in the possession of a single treadle lendrum wheel!

While I haven't had a chance to actually spin anything on it yet (what with the amazing weather and the market work- more on this in a moment) I've spent some time sitting just treadling, getting used to the feel of a single treadle and the ins and outs of this wheel. She's lovely. Really lovely. I actually find there's a smaller "dead zone" on this wheel vs. the Ashford traveller I've been using- that space where the treadles won't move the wheel- I was quite frustrated with the Ashford's dead spots. The only downfall with the single treadle, I have to give the wheel a push by hand to get it turning in the direction I want- with the double treadle, so long as I wasn't in the dead zone, I could start it off the right way with just my treadling.

ok, geeky spinning wheel story over.

Market stuff!!

I've teamed up with the handsome men from The Victory Garden   and they're letting me use a corner of one of their tables to sell market bags (crochet ones and sewn double sided shoulder bags) and produce bags (made from mesh- as light weight as those nasty plastic bags from the grocery store produce section, but reusable).. I'll be occasionally selling worm tea kits and worm composting kits too.... So fun! In exchange for the table space, I'm hoping to help out when needed in the garden harvesting and bagging for the market.

Some spending money that I feel really good about!

Not only that, but the Victory Garden is the same garden I was working in two summers ago! It's so nice to see that it's being loved ... I can't wait to show you some before and after pics!

Biggest relief

I've been worried about approaching my immediate neighbour in regards to the hens. She's grumpy. And strange.

I've decided she's just really awkward.

Anyway, Monday she was outside (honestly, I've spoken to the woman maybe 6 times since I moved in two years ago)... so I approached her and told her that I've had chickens since last summer. And then I gave her some eggs... and waited to see what would happen... and she was SO excited!!! She even came over to meet Darlene and Maria (Cheeps is broody right now, so she remained invisible inside the coop).

Fears relieved, the hens haven't made any enemies... fingers and toes crossed as I wait for the other neighbour's house to sell.

fallen

Walking home from the grocery store on Monday I had a really eye opening experience.
I had my big backpack on, walking along, when from a house behind me I heard someone screaming. Shrieking actually.

An older woman, maybe 68+? had fallen getting out of her car. Her husband had backed the car in, and parked really close to the edge of the driveway, where there was a slight drop off and a wooden divider (between the neighbour's driveway). The wife had tripped and somehow fallen between the car and the divider (not much space!)

Myself and another walker zipped over to help when we heard her fall- so we were there when the husband found her (he took his time coming around the car) I know that it was likely stress from the situation, but the husband was pretty much chastising his wife for falling, while she was crying on the ground. He tried to pick her up without asking her if she was ready, without asking if she was ok, by pulling on her arms. All the while saying things like "I told you time and again to be more careful getting out of the car there". I kind of wanted to deck him.

Instead I loudly asked her if she was ok, if she was able to sit up (husband was trying to pick her up while she was laying on the ground prone). This stopped him for a moment.

I asked her if she wanted help to sit up and rest for a moment- husband started in again on how she needed to watch where she was going. I asked her if she thought she'd be able to stand if we helped her, or if she thought we should call for an ambulance. She said she thought she could stand, but needed help because of the narrow space. I told her we were going to reach around and help her up, that she should take her time, husband again starts pulling her arms off her body by the wrist, so I calmly said "we'll help you by reaching under your arms to give you a little more support" (A "hurrumph" noise from husband, who is obviously flustered and embarrassed by all this). We get the lady to her feet and I tell her to take her time.... husband hands her some of the grocery bags from the trunk of the car!!!!!!

goodnight.

I wonder what sort of forum exists out there that we can use to educate people on how to assist others when they've had a fall? Especially for those who are aging. Yikes.