Gnawing
Do I roll into myself
what's left of my shell
But these toes in soil
Fingers woven through roots
Saturation by tears
Green from dry pods
The life I can touch
Growth
- I wasn't ready today for the actual gut wrenching pain from not being able to touch someone. I stopped to drop off some equipment for repairs at the home of an old friend. She's been in and out of my life since we were in our early teens. I saw her and without hesitating said "I really wish I could give you a hug right now", then dissolved into tears. Masks are good for at least some dignity I suppose.
And the thing is, she's been playing safe, I've been playing safe. But I could not vouch that everyone in my circle (work mostly) has made those same safe choices. And I could not deal with the guilt that would come from giving the virus to her or by proxy, her children.
So my chest squeezed with the pain, the tears rolled down my face and I went another day without connection.
This is absolutely the worst part of the whole situation.
Fucking pandemic.
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