Jimmy mixes her metaphors. Jimmy has misheard and often misuses phrases. Jimmy might have snoozed through some portions of school. The results are charming and hilarious and true. I've been writing them down in a note on my cell phone for years.
Here are some of my favourites, on a rainy/snowy May day where my heart is full of sad and needs some silly joy.
"They are not the sharpest tool in the crayon box"
L: My friend is in Ecuador
Jimmy: where's that?
L: South America
Jimmy: like Australia?
L: more like south America
Jimmy: is that the United States?
L: Not really, we are in North America with the US, then there's Central and below that, South America.
Jimmy: oh. Ok. That makes sense. I just found out Africa was an island. Wait. Not Africa, Australia.
L: It's good to keep learning.
Jimmy: I learn new things every day.
"so, I know there aren't any on the moon, but are there people living on Mars? Didn't they go there last year?"
"when you rent something, you get the money back right?"
L: what type of pop do you like?
Jimmy: I don't like carbon.
(With frustration) You guys are frigging childs!
(A few minutes later) I think the word I wanted to use there was "immature".
that's a crack of shit
I have to tell you a question
Wait... can they do brain transplants? Do they do those?
(Pause)
How would that work? Like... would you get new memories?
Wait... what's a Wombat... bat? So like.. do they fly?
"Since it's gluten free, that means it's better for us right?"
L: He's Korean.
Jimmy: so, Korean isn't Chinese right?
L: right.
Jimmy: but is Korean Asian?
L: yup!
Jimmy: I'm just figuring these things out.
And a long one, an exchange about aging and food "issues" with Jimmy and N.
L: do you think it could be an allergy?
N: no, I think I'm lactose, like I only have problems when I have like cheese and eggs and toast.
L : (muttering something under her breath about allergies/intolerances and "lactose intolerance", not "I'm lactose") : but what about when you don't have toast?
N: same thing
L: what about when you only have eggs?
N: I buy lactose free cheese, but not eggs.
Jimmy: I found out last year that eggs aren't dairy
N: Wait? What? They aren't?
L: blink blink blink (looks back and forth between the two and realizes they are serious)
Jimmy: yeah I always thought they were because of that pyramid
N: Yeah they are dairy aren't they? Because of that pyramid thingy that they just changed.
L: Do you mean the canada food guide?
N/J: yeah that one
Jimmy: When they changed it, that's when I figured it out.
L: I think you have an egg allergy.
Jimmy: getting old sucks.
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