Intervention time

yup, I've been spending too much time on that dating site again.

How do I know it's too much time?

I very nearly messaged a guy because his profile said "I'll take you to Rinos on my sled".


Post Script
Yes, he lived in BoDiddly... Yes I love chicken wings.
For the non-Canadian readers, by sled he meant his skidoo. For the non-Northumberlandites, Rinos is a pub on one of the nearby lakes.

valentine

A dear friend's son went in for heart surgery this week.
He's doing great... holey heart has been all patched up, now he can go back to terrorizing all of us.
(He's honestly one of my favourite teenaged people)

One of the things I get to do at my job is help people get ready for bed, in some cases- it means helping with personal care... and in some cases it means winding down for the day and praying with them before they go to sleep (at their request).

This weekend, we were talking about the things we'd like to pray about, and I mentioned my friend's surgery. I was asked what the surgery was for, and when I replied "to fix a hole in his heart, it doesn't work properly" the individual I was speaking with became very quiet... a serious and worried look crossed her face.

"Does that mean he can't love people all the way?"









**For Matty- insert here a story/poorly timed entrance into a conversation you didn't want to hear**

*** for everyone else- seriously, my friends Kim and Jason have the greatest kids... first post ever on this blog? It was about their daughter**

perfection

I laugh when I read the line "feel all the feels" no matter the context. But after the past week it was the only way I could express what was going on in me...

The hard stuff was outweighing the good... and though they were coming in equal measures, I was heavy.

Someone sent me this video last night... and... well, it's perfection. It's up there with Tanya's "How to be Alone" in terms of feel good and practicality and cuteness.

I feel much better. My scared is scared.

towering tiaras and even higher hair

Sometimes strange things happen to me.. around me.. whatever.

ok, maybe not just "sometimes".

Last week I attended a bachelorette party in the city, two carloads of fantastic women that I've met thru my time with Northumberland Players...  I still haven't wrapped my mind around what happened that night, but the long and the short of it?

I've a crush on a drag queen.

Amber's big party night took place at "Crews and Tango" and "Zippers"... we were there for the drag shows... First I have to say- going to this was WAY more fun than just going dancing at a bar... Sure we danced a little... but mostly we took in the show. For the uninitiated, going to watch a drag show is like going to watch a variety show/talent show. Delightfully entertaining.

There were some terrifying old hag-like drag queens- the type that I'd totally expected to see, and there were some fantastic young queens and kings beautiful and talented... I had crown envy all night.... towering tiaras and even higher hair.

Then it happened.

After entering the second bar... after giggling thru Vitality Black's set (a muscled teeny tiny Tina Turner dynamo bouncing all over the stage)... she came in.
Heaven Lee Hytes.

I could very nearly not breathe.
I've never seen someone so beautiful in my entire life...
male or female.
I turned to one of my friends (a regular at such shows) after a few minutes and said "oh no! What have you done to me!? I have a CRUSH on a drag queen!!" She laughed.

Seriously, the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Very feminine, but also so much man. I spent a great deal of time trying to picture her as a him. Perfect nose, perfect jawline, eyeballs that drilled deeper into my soul than Justin Rutledge's eyeballs have ever drilled into anyone's soul! Legs. 6'3 of legs.

What a strange gender bending mind bending thing to have happen.


Now, I'm not the only one to have suffered such a fate. After the bar shut down we headed to Golden Griddle for some late night snacks (um, where I saw the worst thing ever.. a man in lederhosen walking down the street, small green plastic hat on his head, and hand down his pants playing with himself) and some chat about the night... turns out half the women in our group had fallen in love...
Ever the writer, Heather sums up the experience well here.

As for me now?
I want to do a twisted drag show... a woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman...
I want to get beauty tips from a man named Heaven Lee Hytes.
I want to go to a million drag shows.

I still loves me the menfolk, but I think I'll be ok if my future partner has a thing for cross-dressing once in awhile.

I liking to find soul mate

oh dear.

Some friends of mine have been encouraging me to try out a few dating websites. These are my "happily married" friends, or those who have found themselves in relationships that they are still trying to justify.... I've taken to copying some of the gems that contact me to a friend, just so I can share a few tears, be they laughter induced tears.. or sheer terror and sadness tears.

Yes.

It's important to get to know a person.

Yes.

One should never judge by appearances.

Yes.

I know some people have found lovely partners using this media.

But if I say in my profile "ask me about this", I really mean it. I'm giving you a free pass to a conversation.

Tonight's winner:

with a private message attached-

"do u wanna chat"

(oh dear, this is going to be bad... and yet, I click the profile link... Even after seeing a screen name "Dude197" I can't stop myself)

I like Sports, walks I like every kinds exept rap MUSIC , MUSIC ROCK I

LIKE CHILLIN MY GOOD FREINDS ILIKE UFC MY GOAL TO MEET A NICE

GIRL AT FIRST THEN BECAME A REATIONSHIP.I LIKE CAMPING, I LOVE

ANIMALS ESPECAALLY DOGS AND CATS.I AM VERY HONEST ,LOCALLY,

OUT GOING WILLING TO TRY NEW AVDENTURES WITH THE RIGHT

GIRL.I AM VERY CLOSE TO FAMILY.i dont like playing games.I LIKING TO

FIND SOUL MATE

Just... oh dear.

rolls around again

the year is nearly at a close- and my only resolution was to write more.
oops.

Tonight I remembered a conversation with an old friend- watching "10 things I hate about you" on the bed in my dorm room.

"that's a move you need to learn"

I still haven't.



Maybe that'll be this year's resolution.

GTI

Spent some time today at the Motel.
I know I haven't written too much about it in a number of months. But things are... good.
There have been some huge changes.

HUGE

And, sometimes.. I see these little glimpses of change that leave me breathless.

Like today, there's a father and son that come for dinner. Dad lives at the motel, his son (near to my age, maybe a little younger?) rents a place nearby. They both come early for dinner. Hours early, and spend the time joking around with whom ever else happens to be there.
I'm mocked.
A lot.

Dad's had some really great news about a pension, he's going to be able to move out- but first, until he moves along on the list for geared-to-income housing, he's signed up for one of the new rooms at GTI.

This is big.

Even bigger is that he talks about "that guy who used to live in [his] room. That guy punched all the plaster out of the walls", drank for days on end, hardly ever left his room, who had anger in his eyes all the time... people were scared of him.

That guy is history.

Today he had so much joy in his face that I could barely breathe watching him.
He's beautiful.

the perks

I got a coffee maker for Christmas from the roomie. I've never owned my own... the very best part of it? it's got a clock... and you can set it to turn on before you wake up. 

I think that's a big deal.

I can set it on work mornings, so that when I get home from work- before I dash out the door to the other job- I can grab a cuppa.... and not worry about waiting at the bean for someone to take my money.... and then end up being late... 

This makes me happy.

"Even happier" though - came at work while I was telling a co-worker about my new joy. As I was telling my story, one of the individuals we support (an older woman) clued into the conversation... sort of.

me: " so now, when I wake up... my coffee is ready for me! (sigh)" (well.. the sigh was more of a swoon)

she: "oh? you finally got the boyfriend trained?"

That's right. I'm taken.

Art art

a perfect moment.

a few tears of joy.

steam of coffee.

beautiful lyrics.

soft couch.

giggles from the other room.

laughter to the other side.

kind words.

heartfelt statement.

old friends.

new friends.

the sounds of creating.

the smell of cooking.

morning voice crooning.

In the works

This has been a bit of a rough go.. the past week or so anyway. 

This month holds a bunch of emotional ups and downs historically for me... And to avoid being vague- Mom's birthday would have been this month, Their wedding anniversary, and the 5 year mark since she passed away. 

I'm doing ok... just a little moody.

Pretty good considering. "The new ok" as we, the initiated learn. (You don't want to join that club)

In the past, as you probably know... unless you live in denial (as I often tend to do), I've struggled with some bouts of depression- enough that I likely should have been getting some other help- but stubborn enough that I can play along nicely- hmm, maybe even nicely enough that you didn't notice? Ok, I'll take back the living in denial statement. 

Anyway- as a byproduct of this state- I've had a tendency to go into a hibernation mode... or, rather... pre-hibernation mode.... that part where you ready yourself for winter by eating everything in sight? 

Well, this time, I'm taking a different approach. This time, instead of folding into myself, and tucking into the fridge, I'm taking up running.

yup.

 

An aside~ Last night someone (random who I don't often see) asked me how I was doing (in reference to Mom being gone)... and then, not 5 mins later, someone else introduced me as "Pat's daughter". I held it together, and it felt nice to hear. 

Later, recounting the story to someone else, they said "your mom must be thinking about you".

Ok, I didn't hold it together to well then.

what a lovely day indeed

I just had a lovely evening with a few ladies I love.
And they love me.

feels good to be loved.

Thanks for the night... even the part with the creepy breast cupping man.

A heads up for everyone, tomorrow I'll post a little story ... it might be a little TMI for you boys, soooo... whatever, read it, or... just visit the site to keep my stats up.
(I'm still a stats counter addict).

happy birthday to me!

two things.

number one::
this is something I love.





fair trade chocolate.... I'm not the biggest white choc lover of all time, but.... the "with nibs" caught my attention. Little tiny pieces of cocoa! strangest.. but nicest combo of textures I've had in a chocolate bar... ever.

I can't remember number two.... but I was composing it in my head all night. I'll add it later.

snooze

I love my snooze button... I'm sure I've mentioned it before. Last year, when my dad asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I knew right away. An alarm clock, with a single GIANT snooze button on the top, so I couldn't turn off the alarm by accident (a huge problem with my old one). So, sure enough, for my birthday, I opened the bag, and sitting pretty there was my new lovely. One who'd sit faithfully by me, nudging me awake in seven minute intervals.
I love my snooze button.
It was with great sadness (ok, not really... ok, maybe it was with glee) that I hit it for it's final time this morning. Today is my last morning at CH.
Starting tomorrow, I start my work day at 9:00... and on a few golden days.... 9:30!
halla-loo.

ode

to the one I love....

I love to spend time with you. I love to rest with you. I love the way we don't have to plan anything. I love the way you find things that I like to do, and that there never seems to be enough time to fit everything in. I love that you're never predictable. I love that you're reliable. I love that I can be serious with you... or just silly. I love that you get along with everyone, that everyone is excited to see you and be with you, it makes me love you more...
Saturday, I love you... I wish I could see you more often.