Layers

For the fashion declined, like myself, there's this season's newest option... Wearing your hoodie backwards so the hood acts as a cowl at the front.
Awesome? Yes.
Comfortable? Yes.
The way I dressed this morning? Yes.

When I was young we looked at the thermometer outside the window to figure out what the day was going to be like... now I try to avoid the interwebs and the cries of fear "POLAR VORTEX" ... so much news information and fear. I can't stand it. That be said....  I'm afraid to go outside today.
It's so cold again.
And I know that I was talking about this last time it got cold... but... but..
There's a 42 degree difference between my backyard and my living room... That's like a 55 degree difference when you include the wind chill and my duvet.

I have a duvet.
Finally.
It's only taken me a gazillion years to get my own.

This weekend I headed "into the city" with some girl friends. We all needed a change of pace, and thanks to the wonders of hotel points, we had free rooms. We also had a gift certificate for the Keg. Throw in a trip to IKEA (where I caved and bought my duvet) a trip to the LCBO (complete with being carded)  and too many laughs... well, a trip to scarborough has never been so much fun.
Ha.
Who goes to Scarborough for a vacation?!

We did.

friend failure

The last half hour of work at the group home is generally spent watching old TV shows on DVD. Lots of I love Lucy, Bonanza, John Wayne, and tonight's choice- The Andy Griffth Show.

I came in partway through the episode... Andy's house is slowly filling with women, some sort of hen party that he didn't know about. I ask Jen what I've missed....

"I think that Barney is trying to help him find a new wife."

Sure enough, Barney enters the house and peers through the kitchen door at the ladies gathered in the living room. He asks Andy if he's seen anything he likes... Andy demands to know what's going on, then insists that the ladies are told to leave once Barney tells him that his future wife might be in the room.

Andy: Why would you do something like that?
Barney: As your best friend I'm just trying to look out for you.

Involuntarily my head sloooooooowly turns toward Jen.. I can't stop it. I look directly at her.

I look away... but it's too late.

Jen starts to kill herself laughing and apologizes for not having done the same for me.

thanks love

I have a big stupid grin on my face.
With everything swirling around me this week I shouldn't. But just in one of those moments where I'm feeling so very alone (in the giant sense of the word/world), someone's thought of me. Created something thoughtful.

So now, instead of sitting and worrying about X, Y, and Z... and all the letters before those...I'm sitting with a warm dog on my cold toes, knitting at the ready, and the kettle nearing a boil for my tea.
With that big stupid grin.


"I saw that you were knitting and thought you could use some music".


Tweet last night: 12:30am  Need a guy with size 11 shoes to visit the house... no way to make that sound like it's not a booty call. #knitting #mens #socks

25 things revisited part 4

Ok, so there are only 4 today.. I wanted to keep a few together that sort of tied into eachother. Tomorrow there'll be an extra...



16. I'd still love to : meet someone lovely, have kids, live in the country, get back into running, have a horse, write a book, write some music, create something lovely, make some sort of difference, go back to Africa, do a lot of great/wonderful/joyfilled things.

17. I'd be lost without my friends.

18. If you read this blog this one isn't too much of a surprise- My dreams are so vivid that sometimes I'd rather stay awake to get some rest. Thankfully, most of my dreams are lucid, so I'm able to control a lot of what's happening/ am able to decide the direction of my dreams. They're in colour. There's too much detail. I think this is why I don't like a lot of movies... movies aren't nearly as good. Most of my dreams are either based in part at the Ranch that I worked at, or underwater.

19. I had crazy-ass deja vu when I worked at the Ranch in my teens. It wasn't uncommon for it to last up to 20 seconds at a time... I wonder if this is related to #18

Heart Sick

(a quick break from the 25 things project)

We pulled up to dinner, I hadn't been there in weeks... pulled into my normal parking space, looked up and saw Sue in her usual place, smoking on the transformer, or whatever that big metal box is.

And then my heart stopped.
And my eyes welled up.
And I couldn't even breathe.

Because everything was normal, but there was a giant Little Sue shaped hole in my heart.

It wasn't Sue sitting on that box. She's been gone now for 2 months. But, as the way things go around here, her favourite coat had been washed and put out in the pile "free to anyone who needs it".

I don't think the woman wearing it knew it was ever Sue's.
If she even knew Sue.
The woman holds herself differently, proudly, tall. The jacket is clean. Most people might not even recognize it. But I did, in that moment when she stooped over, small, protecting a flame.

I didn't think something like that would effect me so strongly.

based on actual events

The following is partly word for word, partly "close enough".
I'll let you figure out which part is which.

R: What about "x"?

M: put him on the list.

R: what about "y", would you date him?

M: (hesitantly) uh

R: why not?

M: I wouldn't say no if he asked me out.

R: That's all I wanted to hear.... I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not putting my all into this. I've got a vested interest in you staying single. Otherwise I have to share you. I think maybe we should just buy you a vibrator and forget about finding you a husband so we can hang out whenever I want".

M: *eye roll*

Fallin' fallin' fallin'

Three days ago we were hit by some snow.
The plow didn't bother to do our street till yesterday... which.. made it kinda slippery, and difficult to plow at all.

Last night we had a pretty great snow fall, so good that people were going door to door offering to shovel! In the past hour, the plow has driven up and down the street 6 times.

I'm headed to the cottage with the girls for the weekend (and JellyDog- the buns have a friend checking in on them) Technology free weekend, here I come!
(Unless I buy that new phone to replace the one I lost last month...)

ART art

um... so the craziest thing just happened.

I'm sick enough that I recognize that it would be stupid to go to a concert tonight, even though I really really WANT to go.

I think I've written about this lovely spoken word artist from out East, Tanya Davis (friend of sweet Catherine) that I really enjoy... the one that sings "Art"... 

actually, awhile back I wrote about both of them.. about a session on "sad songs" on Vinyl Cafe (Cbc Radio) and about how it messed me up pretty good...  shoot, I wish I could get that "search this site" widget to work on here again....

anyway. the song that messed me up so well was "Art"- go have another listen to it. Really listen to it. And think about the things that you do well... and about whether you can be brave and let them go... to be heard/seen/judged/loved/hated/grow.... (just click on it!)

sigh.

back to my story....

tonight she's in Ptbo, not too far from here, and is doing a little house concert at Raven's house. (Dear Raven, I hope you like your blog name. I like to keep people guessing. and protect identities. HA) But... I've pulled a muscle in my chest from coughing... so I'm back to being sick when I cough from the effort of coughing. SO I made the difficult decision to stay at home. 

I got a message on the computer that said "I'm going to call you. answer the phone. you don't have to talk" from Raven, and when the phone rang, I picked it up and squeaked into it a little. And then....

she said...

I hope you can hear this

can you hear that?

(I hear the first bar of "Art")

and I squeak loudly "that's art! that's art!"

and I get a private phone concert from the lovely Tanya Davis. 

and I smile and cry and squeak and cough and wince all in that order, and then all at once a few times.

because I have lovely, thoughtful, creative, beautiful, talented friends.

meh, better late than never

So I realize I've failed already in my "blog everyday"  quest. But I'm ok with that. 

This year, when I added it to my resolutions for the year- it was more of an afterthought. and well, afterthoughts don't work out.

afterthoughts don't work out.

hm.

I'll have to remember that.

as an afterthought.

I've been "mini blogging" though. 

I'm an addict of the facebook status lines. Not only can I hardly wait to read what other people have written, but I NEED to update my own.

I've been thinking about it though.

The reasons why it's so ... I don't know... almost necessary to a degree.

People are always commenting on how busy I am... but.. I spend so much time alone. so .. I think that the thing I get out of status lines... is... "being alone together" (to steal a line). Even though I may have not even spoken to a friend all day- I've been able to share- or at the very least express- with maybe someone who cares- what's going on. 

Makes it easier I guess.

now, back to being busy.

instead of sleeping

So, I'm sitting half heartedly watching tv, mostly just playing online. Reading blogs, checking facebook photos... the usual.

Then it hits me.

(be forewarned... I'm about to swear)

"Shit. I'm old"

Here's what's happened.... I'm cruising thru some photos from high school friends... and I start to notice something... my friends look like they are in their 30's. 

Then I remember... it's because they are.

See that guy? He looks like.... gulp.... a man.

My friends are MEN? My friends are looking suspiciously like their parents?

We're.... aging? 

I don't think I can handle this.

No... really....

I'm sitting in a mild state of shock.

With maybe a little throw up in my mouth.

home again!

that's right, I'm officially home... as of 8:30 this morning... but I um.. have to go to work now.


but I did compose several hundred blog posts in my head this week.
And forgot all of them.

so let me leave you with this.

Last night, I dreamt that I was part of a crew flying a space ship. We didn't bother to hide it from people around- just let them think it was some big joke. Joke was on them. except that we didn't go anywhere, we kept planning to go somewhere, we were about to go on some mission. at one point the sail that attached to us decided to leave and go over the lake without us, and we had to run and get it- but then when we were on the beach, the guy running our ship ran into this super famous physicist and we got his help putting the sail away. Then they physicist asked me a question... but somehow knew my name? I guess I was really famous. in physics circles.
It was a fluke I knew the answer to his question.
So then we decided to stop for tea at this woman's house- she helped invent the ship at some point. And then I went on a mission to get supplies- but then no one wanted the stuff I'd picked up- items would drop out of the clouds - like a video game we had to run into them to get them... I picked lots of juice boxes. And doughnuts.
Then when we decided that we were actually going to go somewhere... we all had to hold down the trinkets that were sitting on the shelves in the den... inside our ship.
One of them was a carving of Farley.

Farley showed up on my "friends you might know" list on face book over a week ago. (this is real life now.. not my dream) I want to add him. Even though I've never met him face to face... I figure I've read all his books- so really we are friends....

Post 1000 (plus 23)

Awww, finally got it done.

Please be patient as I add all the little things back.

Going camping tomorrow (finally) just until Sunday- got to get into camping mode in prep for Shelter Valley! Consider this a warm up round.

day by day.. play by play

ok, so the weekend went a little like this...

Friday- worked (ok, so I worked every day on the first 3 days of my "vacation") But, it was a party for the drama club... not really work. Then an evening of relaxation- uh... I actually can't even really remember what I did that night? (walked at the waterfront festival)

Saturday- headed out to the B&B, spent the time on the hammoc- burned myself when I fell asleep. "did I mention I burned myself extensively?"  Dad and Gale came out after I gave poor directions and we drank lime soda by the lake.

Sunday- slept forever. Had coffee in town with Mandamanda. Went back to the B&B, read on the couch on the porch in the rain, sat by the lake, had a BBq, caught a concert, went to a campfire, visited at the trailer... DIDN'T sleep.. made the mistake of drinking a pop and it kept me up.

Monday- Zoo- wished I was a baby spider monkey- remembered that I hate the Zoo in the summer, more campfire and trailer time, another concert, ate jerked chicken (mmm, spicey vendor food!)

Tuesday- hung out at home, watched cartoons, rode a float in the parade, had another BBq walked the waterfront, sat at the trailer, another BBq, had a campfire, squished a baby, saw some fireworks.....

no wonder I'm so frickin tired.

what letter are we on?

Time gets away from me. 

Just like it does for everyone. 

When I have a moment, it's gone just as soon as it's realized. I'm ok with that, but sometimes it makes me sad.

I get lonely. I get frustrated. And a lot of the time I wonder why I'm running so hard.

Last week on my walk I ran into some friends on the street, they were just finishing an evening bike ride down to the lake and were all smiles as they headed home. One of them said to me as we chatted, "Do you have your bike on the road yet?" 

It was the third time in as many weeks that she'd asked me.

I tried to hold it together, and laughed it off- saying I'd get to it eventually.

Now.. I could have skipped going for my walk and fixed my bike (read- pumped the tires, greased the chain, fought with the brakes) but... I couldn't. I talked with Roomie2 about it when I got home...

Sometimes I get to the point where I just don't want to do anymore. I'm one person.. and yes, I've become pretty independent. (I've lamented this before) But sometimes... all I want to do is turn to someone and say "could you please do this for me?" To turn to my invisible husband and say "honey, could you take care of this one thing for me?"

And... well... that's not an option.

Which is why on the week of summer... my bike was still tucked in the garden shed.

Sunday afternoon though, that changed. A dear friend came to the house, pulled the rusty bike out of the shed- and proceeded to give my bike it's spring tune up. 

I cried.

And then I went and scrubbed some of the winter rust.

Did you know you can use tin foil to shine chrome????

I have good friends.

oops

Sooooo,
it was a long weekend here in the 'Burg deep in Canada.... and I only just realized that tomorrow isn't Monday.
Today was.
And I nearly forgot to come here... to work... tonight... because I spent most of the day thinking it was Sunday.

Bunday will have to be tomorrow.

Wish me well though, I have a meeting with the Mayor to fill her in on GTI tomorrow afternoon.


I love long weekends.
Especially those spent entirely with people I love, visiting, sharing, laughing, crying.
Turning the computer off on Friday night helped to keep it ....
I'll turn it on tomorrow.

Bethfield is out gallivanting tonight trying to convince Bruce Cockburn to come to our little town- to our little festival.
if anyone can do it.....
Ps. Our super awesome Catherine is opening for him tonight!

I get the days mixed up

Tonight I opened my facebook account and read "our statuses are slightly meta" on my wall.

I have a friend who is lovely and deep. She writes, and it means more than it says, and often I am jealous. That's just the way it is.

Her status read "Golden is never enough, and always too much"
My status read " L.Bo can't ever get enough".

I had to go to her wall and confess :: "I wish mine had a deeper meaning... I was just thinking about Jonny Cash."


(oh man, we're so not friends anymore... not since I called her Golden just now)

the day after

the gala was lovely... really really lovely.

it was almost like bootcamp for festival season, running around, getting things ready, keeping things moving, so tired you want to cry. But much shorter. Over before it had really started.

It did keep going afterwards, a group headed out to the B&B (more about that place later) for music and song and libation.
I headed to bed.
Knowing that my morning shift was going to be coming all too soon.

I walked thru a snow bank in open toed shoes just to get to my bed faster.... it was that important.

And as I lay snug in my sheets, I wondered "did I lock the door?" as I heard the sound of someone coming into the house.

They wandered around, I heard some thumping in the kitchen....

I rolled over in my bed, pulled the sheets higher, sighed... and thought to myself "well, at least if they kill me I won't have to go to work in the morning." then promptly fell asleep.

Sadly I awoke to my alarm.
It had only been my roommate coming home.

yum?

ok, so Mandamanda was in town this weekend, and we stopped by the little fancy place to have supper.
I hate expensive places... well, when they're expensive for no reason I mean... like.. the $48 steak.... who eats a $48 steak? really?

anyway, I was cheap. I had the red curry. I'd heard people going on and on about the red curry in the past, so I gave it a go.
It was good.
ish.

It had SO much cocconut milk in it, that with the rice...

it tasted like rice pudding.

curry rice pudding.

what a lovely day indeed

I just had a lovely evening with a few ladies I love.
And they love me.

feels good to be loved.

Thanks for the night... even the part with the creepy breast cupping man.

A heads up for everyone, tomorrow I'll post a little story ... it might be a little TMI for you boys, soooo... whatever, read it, or... just visit the site to keep my stats up.
(I'm still a stats counter addict).

happy birthday to me!

get a day timer. Do it.

I got my union card today.
I finished my probation.
I guess they're keeping me.
Having never been part of a union, or... better said, having no clue what being in a union means, I'm looking forward to this. More so, now that I've got the paper work that tells me I'm in the same union as the LCBO (That's Liquor Control Board Ontario for you "out of province-ers").
Go figure!

I spent a chunk of the day today at work catching up on odds and ends. I figured I should fill out my attendance record (since I didn't start one last week) but kept drawing a blank whenever I thought about Thursday.

I kept staring at the calendar, checking my schedual on the computer.... nothing was jogging my memory.

An hour after work I was telling someone about the Titanic exhibit at the Science Centre, and the Omimax film that I'd seen.

I stopped short.

right... I went to the science centre on Thursday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You may remember the last bus trip I went on as a chaperone.... This time we had my old bus driver from high school... not Milford, the guy who replaced Milly.... Charles. He always gave me the creeps.
Where was I going with this?
Every time I go on one of these trips I hear some strange things come out of J.Mac's mouth. This time was no exception. I think it was something along the lines of "I try to stay away from things that I might get addicted to. I've never smoked a cigar. I don't drink. I don't golf".