too much

Last night I hit the Lawless gallery for a triple mix of Aengus Finnan (yay!) Catherine Maclellan and Tanya Davis. Now, the last time I saw Catherine was at the Oasis, and the sound mix was awful and I was SO distracted by it I had to focus hard on what was being played... but last night, I got to do the board... for all three, so I was quite content.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to write about!

Two weeks ago, driving the 28 home, I was (as per my usual routine) listening to the Vinyl Cafe on CBC, but it was a little different... instead of the show on the road, Stuart was in the studio, doing a program on "Sad songs". The idea being, that if you hear a really sad song, it'll just make you feel a little better. I agreed, so I kept listening. That was the day that the sun was blinding me all the way home...

A little Leonard was played, and then Stuart said something to the effect of "sometimes a song that sounds happy can be one of the saddest of them all" and launched into the story behind Gene Maclellan's depression and how "Snowbird" reflected him the best of all his songs... The cheery song came on the radio... and while I listened to it and thought about the sadness of the song (and his eventual suicide) I started to get a little weepy... The song ended and Stuart said just a few lines... about Catherine (his daughter) and how she must have been thinking about her dad as she wrote the next song...
That next song was one she wrote about her dad, and there's a line in it about putting his records on to listen to them, when that line was sung I started to cry...
All I could think about was the powerful painful process that is behind song... behind poetry... behind putting your most intimate thought onto paper or playing it out loud.
I thought about who would be listening to the songs, to even just that program that day... what if... what if Catherine were listening to that program? Would she hurt more over hearing the stories and songs played together? Or would it be healing, knowing that others could feel along with her? I resolved then and there that I was NEVER going to write a song down again... something so personal... so... entirely open.. so ... *sigh*
Then a letter was read... a letter about Tanya's new Cd, and a piece was played called Sadness.* By the end I was still so upset by the fact that words are so powerful, but I knew I'd better get a new pen.

.... put down my handkerchief, for a pen with good ink flow and then
put down a new poem and then something insightful..... make it worth my while.

*also listen to "Art"... it just confirms it.